The All-Cool Team

I Still Have Mad Love For LeBron

2010-07-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

LeBron was in a lose-lose-lose-lose-lose situation except for the fact that no matter what he would make millions of dollaz. LeBron’s reputation was going to take a monster hit mainly because of how big a deal ESPN and six NBA teams made of his free agent status. I don’t blame LeBron for going to the Miami Heat to join his two bros and I don’t blame him for making this decision on perhaps the most ridiculous hour of television ever aired on ESPN. But, the whole thing was ridiculous so it was absolutely fitting. And guess what? Every one watched “The Decision” and every one followed along with every rumor and move made throughout the NBA. Here is how I defend the major shit that he is getting destroyed for:

“The Decision”: Since the NBA Finals, and even during it, the focus of the NBA was in what city LeBron would wind up. Six teams reconfigured their franchises for a SHOT at him, so what was happening was unprecedented. It wouldn’t make sense for LeBron to make a under-the-radar Kevin Durant type announcement of where he intended on going. Durant did do it on Twitter, the number one site for self-promotion, however. Everyone needed to hear it from his mouth for it to be believed. ESPN buttfaces reported for a month several different teams were a lock to land LeBron, so if one of these buttfaces actually broke the news for sure, people would still have been a little skeptical. So, because of that, the words had to come from his mouth. Where and how should he do it then? Should he go on The View? Should he host SNL and announce it during a skit? Should he do it on a radio station (that would be bad ass, forcing us all to listen to the radio, EW)? No, he had to do it in an interview and of course on ESPN.

Because of this predicament LeBron was placed in, I see the hour-long special on ESPN not as a way to say EFF-YOU Cleveland, but really the only way this could be handled.

LeBron and Mav Carter saw this as an opportunity to turn the whole announcement situation into a positive one. All of the proceeds of the commercials and sponsors and ESPN time slot stuff go to charity, several Boys & Girls clubs around the country, with that amount is being matched by Nike. At the very least this stupid hour-long special is raising millions of dollars for charity. LeBron is being criticized for stroking his ego by creating this special and using the charity stuff to make him look better. I don't think this way. A few things hurt him here. The public really doesn’t care about the Boys & Girls Club as a charity, but LeBron certainly does, even though he was at one in Greenwich, CT. If Dwyane Wade decided to have his own hour-long special with the proceeds raised going directly to Haiti, would he have been lambasted for such a decision? Secondly, I don’t think LeBron did a very good job articulating what the Boys & Girls Club really means to him, why he wanted the proceeds to go to the club, and most importantly that the special was really all about a chance to raise some money for charity. The reputation surrounding the whole special going into it was “Look at LeBron creating this media circus and making it all about him!” and he did nothing to belittle those statements. Instead, he said something brief about the charity contributions at the end and awkwardly shook hands with some dude.

With all that said, I still believe him to be genuine. He did not ask for all of this attention in the least. He made other NBA teams come to him in Cleveland, deciding not to hold a country-wide Free Agent Tour going on every show possible in all the different cities. He didn’t ask for the media to film him cruising in his Escalade while he drove to downtown Cleveland in his sweatpants and Yankees fitted. ESPN created all of the attention, he asked for none of it. And the attention was CONSTANT. Skip Bayless talked about it every day, Mike Wilbon - in between name-dropping “Magic” and every cool NBA Legend he has ever met - talked about LeBron every day on Pardon The Interruption. He was going to have to go on ESPN to talk about his decision no matter what, he just decided to turn the opportunity as a way to raise money for the Boys & Girls Club, not as a way to say Eff-You Cleveland.

Leaving Cleveland: Antawn Jamison, Mo Williams, Delonte West & crew weren’t going to help bring him a championship anytime soon. How many All-Stars did LeBron play with in Cleveland in seven years? I think one, Mo Williams, but I’m not looking it up. If he stays, he makes MAX money and doesn’t win for 3+ years I don’t really think. Sure it would be the most fan-friendly decision, but not championship-friendly. He was selfish, and I don’t blame him. Cleveland isn’t that fun and only would be if you got mad rings out of it.

It wasn’t a fuck you Cleveland special because he has never shown that type of mean-spirited nature, but had a difficult decision. He made the logical choice. He failed to articulate how hard it would be to leave Cleveland and what it meant to him, but it must have been hard to do that while Cleveland peeps are burning your former jersey. He did not betray Cleveland. He gave them seven seasons and the city gave him squadoosh (except millions & fame). The chance to win in Cleveland was not a realistic one with Byron Scott as coach and returning the exact same roster. How much can J.J. Hickson improve?!?!

Good luck to Dan Gilbert (idiot) living up to this statement:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

Joining Miami: King James' as close to a guaranteed title as he could get, unless he took the minimum to play with the Celtics ;-( I think this shows he wants what everyone has always knocked him for not having, rings! He will get them. The Dream Trio will be so so so beyond exciting to watch and will knock of the Lakers most importantly. I really don’t have any idea how good Chris Bosh is because I never ever have ever ever never ever wanted to watch a Toronto Raptors game. So I guess that is big. Is he a top-10 guy? Is he a top-3 power forward? I have no idea, but I know that the two best players in the NBA are on the same team. They will win a lot of games and championships, of that I am sure, as is LeBron. What about his legacy? Well, what would his legacy be with no rings? Did he ever want to be that kind of guy? He passed the ball to Donyell Marshall instead of taking the last shot, so... what is wrong with a legacy of the greatest athlete and play-maker in NBA history? Sounds good to me. He is a bit selfish for leaving Cleveland for more titles, but also taking on a role that requires him to be less selfish, which is exactly what he wants. He is going to Dwyane's city, Wade County, and will likely be just as big, as he should. I will be rooting for him, unless they play the Celtics.

What I’m mad about: The Heat jerseys suck and I really want a new LeBron jersey. His beard perplexed me, freshly lined-up but, too much neard going on. The shoes he would have had as a member of the Knicks would have looked way cooler. Why didn't all these Cleveland fans criticize LeBron directly following his playoff exit for his performances in Games 2, 4 & 6?!?!? How much anger did Dan Gilbert have built up inside of him about LeBron that he didn't share while he was still a Cavalier? But seriously: What about Delonte and Gloria?

Thoughts Following I Don't Like Watching Anymore (AKA Game 3)

2010-06-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

- HEY RAY, THE BASKET IS OVER HERE BRO!
- HEY PAUL, YEAH YOUR BEARD MIGHT BE COMING IN REAL WELL BUT YOU'RE GAME IS NOT SO HOT.
- HEY KG, THAT WAS A LOT BETTER.
- HEY BIG BABY, I LIKE WHEN YOU LICK YO LIPS AND STUFF IT MAKES ME HAPPY BRO!
- HEY NBA, FUCK YOU.
- I DON'T ENJOY WATCHING THE CELTICS & LAKERS PLAY BASKETBALL GAMES BECAUSE THEY BOTH FUCKING FLOP A SHIT TON AND THEN PEOPLE GET MAD THAT THE REFS DON'T MAKE THE CALLS BUT IT IS SO HARD TO MAKE THE CALLS WHEN FUCKFACE GASOL AND PAUL FLOP EVERY FUCKING POSSESSION.
- PAU YOU FLOPPED SO FUCKING HARD AND I WANT YOU TO NOT EVER PLAY BASKETBALL AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE TALENTED BUT NO ONE GIVES A FUCK BECAUSE YOU FUCKING FLOP AND ARE THE BIGGEST P-WORD THE NBA HAS EVER SEEN.
- HEY BYNUM, YOU PLAYED WELL. YOU SCARE ME WHEN YOU PLAY BECAUSE YOU ARE PLAYING GOOD AND CATCH THE BALL AND BLOCK SHOTS AND STUFF. TOO BAD YOUR KNEES ARE FUCKED UP.
- HEY LAMAR, YOUR WIFE IS FAT.
- HEY SHEED, YOUR GOATEE SHOULD CONNECT, IT LOOKS A LITTLE AWKWARD THE WAY YOU HAVE IT RIGHT NOW.
- HEY WORLD, TONY ALLEN WAS THE BEST CELTIC TONIGHT, THAT'S FUCKED UP. HE SHOULD HAVE PLAYED INSTEAD OF RAY AT THE END. WIIEEEEHHHHHHRRDDDD.
- HEY DEREK, WAY TO FUCKING CRY BECAUSE YOU SCORED 4 BASKETS IN THE 4TH QUARTER. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING IT'S GAME 3 IDI. WHY AM I CRYING?!
- HEY CELTICS, WAY TO LOOK LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO DESTROY AND EAT THE LAKERS FOR ETERNITY IN THE FIRST FOUR MINUTES AND THEN STOP PLAYING THAT WAY.
- IS IT ANY INDICATION OF HOW BAD THE OFFICIATING IS IN THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION WHEN YOU REVIEW 3 PLAYS IN THE LAST 2 MINUTES AND YOU INITIALLY GOT ALL 3 OF THEM WRONG?!?!?

Twitter is DA BEST

2010-06-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

"KDthunderup Wassup bruh bruh" Nothing could make me happier than KD chillin' with a panda bear.

J.R. Smith posted this on Twitter, of course getting his billionth tattoo. He has his own tattoo dood come to his crib to get him tatted up!

Best Vid Evah?!?

2010-06-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

The Knicks/Bulls can have LeBron. The Celtics need Ricardo Reyes!!!!!

Thoughts Following Poopfest (AKA Game 1)

2010-06-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

- STUART SCOTT MAKES ME WANT TO YELL FOR INFINITY YEARS AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!! THEN I HEAR MAGIC JOHNSON AND I JUST WANT TO DIE!!
- DAVID SPADE, ADAM SANDLER, CHRIS ROCK & KING OF FAT QUEENS WERE AT THE GAME I GOT TO SEE THAT GROWN UPS MOVIE NOW!!! YOU SEE CHRIS ROCK TALKIN' TO DORIS BURKE & KOBE, LOL, THAT DOOD IS HILARIOUS!!
- THE 2008 VERSION OF THIS BLOG DIDN'T GIVE A F**K!!!
- PAU'S BEARD MUST BE SO ITCHY & SCRATCHY LIKE DA SIMPSONZ, HEARD OF A RAZOR BRO?!?!
- KOBE SICK BLOCK ON TONY ALLEN EXCEPT TONY ALLEN SUCKS SO BAD HE COULDN'T HANDLE THE BALL (PAUSE, LOL) SO YOU DIDN'T BLOCK NOTHIN' KOBE EXCEPT TONY'S HAND FROM HITTING DA RIM
- I WANT TO YELL AS MUCH IN PUBLIC AS KOBE & PAU & PAUL PIERCE & FISHER DO WHEN I WALK BY PEOPLE IN PUBLIC AND THEN SCREAM AT THEM FOR A FOUL CALL!!
- KG REMEMBER WHEN YOU COULD DUNK AND REBOUND AND NOT GET MURDERED BY THE LENGTHHHHHHH, THE LENGTH OMG THE LENGTH CAN YOU BELIEVE THE LENGTH, OF DA LAKERS!!!
- RAJON HOW BOUT YOU SHOOT LAY-UPS WHEN YOU HAVE THEM I DON'T CARE IF YOU GET BLOCKED A THOUSAND TIMEZ! THEN GET HAND-REDUCTION SURGERY!
- PHIL JACKSON MAKES ME WANT TO EAT BABIES, HE IS THE MOST ARROGANT BUTTHEAD OF ALL TIME AND I DISLIKE HIM QUITE A BIT. OH YOU'RE SUCH A ZEN MASTER YOU DON'T CALL TIME OUTS WHEN YOU SHOULD AND WHISTLE LIKE AN IDIOT AND SIT ON A RIDICULOUS SEAT EVEN THOUGH THE ONE THEY GIVE YOU IS ALREADY COMFY!
- RON ARTEST, YOU PLAYED WELL, YOU MADE THREE'S. I RESPECT YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE THE MOST INSANE PERSON TO GRACE THE EARTH. YOUR NUMBER IS 37 IN HONOR OF MICHAEL JACKSON. WHAT PLANET DO YOU LIVE ON?
- PAULLLLLL WAY TO SHOW UP BRO. THANKS. OH, YOU CAME TO PLAY WITH 4 MINUTES LEFT. OH WE WERE DOWN 18. THANKS BRO.
- KOBE IS SO FOCUSED YOU SEE HOW HE IGNORED CHRIS ROCK! WHY WAS HE SITTING NEXT TO HIM NEWAYZ THERE WERE A MILLION OTHER SEATS BRO. DON'T TELL ME YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE. YOU COULDN'T HAVE COULD YOU?
- YO CAN I GET SOME OF DAT CASH DATS IN THE LAKER CEILING?!
- IF 2008 SCOTT POLLARD WAS STILL ON THIS CELTICS TEAM NO WAY THEY GIVE UP ANY GOOD LOOKS OR OPEN LAY-UPS TO THESE LAKERS!!
- EITHER ZEN MASTER BECOMES 47-1 OR THE CELTS STARTING FIVE BECOME 7-1 IN POSTSEASON SERIES! I CAN'T WAIT FOR ONE OF THESE STATISTICS TO BECOME IRRELEVANT!

Really Phil?

2010-06-03T11:51:00.001-07:00

Phil rockin' the worst combo a human male could ever rock. Sandals & jeans? C'mon Phil. To a NBA Finals practice? C'mon Phil.

Very Excited For This

2010-06-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

I Am Big Baby

Thoughts from Marquis

2010-06-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

I'm very glad Twitter exists. I need to know what NBA players are thinking and writing, and how they write too. The NBA Finals are coming up so who wouldn't want to know what is on the mind of Marquis Daniels?

"U ever talke to somebody and after they spoke u had instant memory loss......damn he need to get caution tattoed above his lips"

Makes sense to me.

#WordAapp

2010-06-01T19:35:00.001-07:00

My lip reading abilities allowed me to decipher exactly what Nate Rob was saying after he did anything somewhat positive for the C's during Game 6. He posted this on Twitter before Game 5, so he was definitely repeating it all night, letting the Magic playahs and Celtics fans know how strongly he feels about the issue:

"#ihateit when housekeep n lady knocks one time & then just open's the door #notcool lol"

In the picture he is definitely at the "open's the door" part because he looks a little angry but also a little bit like he might "lol" in a second or two.

What is status worthy about this video?

2009-12-22T22:40:00.001-08:00

I don't get it. This isn't good or interesting. So why is everyone making it their status?!?!?!?!? How is this a remix? How is this talented? He is just hitting things that make sound when you hit them really hard. Everyone who posts this as their status must be faded off the brown.

Observation from Celtics-Pacers Game

2009-12-22T20:32:00.001-08:00

Here is my observation from tonight's Celtics game, which the Pacers dominated for a half and then got dominated. Dahntay Jones and Tyler Hansbrough don't like each other. They are teammates on a bad NBA team and they don't like each other. In the second quarter Tyler took his first shot of the night, a jumper from just above the free throw line, that missed. Dahntay was on the bench and stood up and shouted something along the lines of "That's a bad shot!" This was false, although I guess it was a little early in the possession, but Dahntay seemed to be concerned his team would let their 15+ point lead slip away, something everyone in the world knew would happen. I thought for a second why Dahntay would say such a thing, was he trying to be a leader or wanted to use clock or what and couldn't really figure it out. I let it slide because one instance of Dahntay getting pissed at Tyler doesn't mean anything. I mean everyone gets pissed at Tyler Hansbrough, no one of course actually likes him. Maybe I can respect that he is playing decent in the NBA because no one else really tries very hard for three quarters and he tries hard so he scores baskets. Additionally, he and Josh McRoberts are much better at dunking than you would think two white guys are. I watched them in warm ups. Also, Tyler Hansbrough made this commercial.

NEWAYZ, in the fourth quarter, Dahntay got called for a somewhat bogus offensive foul for posting up too hard. I guess he hooked his arm around Paul Pierce, but whatever. As Dahntay complained and then came down the court, he and Tyler had a quick interaction. I think Tyler tried to feed him the ball before the foul, but Dahntay barked something at Tyler and then Tyler seemed to make fun of him for getting the foul called on him. I don't know what they said, but Dahntay was pissed and Tyler was kind of confused and responded. Big picture, they don't like each other, and the logical explanation has to be either Dahntay is pissed that Tyler dunked on Kenny George in college or that because Dahntay went to Duke he doesn't like Tyler who went to North Carolina. I feel bad for Tyler who has THREE Duke teammates: Dahntay, Josh, and Mike Dunleavey. That sucks bro. Basically what you get from reading this is my earth-shattering news that Dahntay Jones and Tyler Hansbrough don't like each other. I hope you don't stop reading because I thought I was cool for figuring this out.

Starting PG: Tyreke Evans | Sacramento Kings

2009-12-21T19:50:00.001-08:00

‘Reke or ‘Reke Havoc, as we like to call him on this blog for the first time ever because it hasn’t been updated since the summer, is the Starting Point Guard for the 2009-2010 All-Cool Team. ‘Reke Havoc edged out fellow rookie Brandon Jennings of the Milwaukee Bucks because 1) no one has ever actually been to Milwaukee and so we aren’t sure it exists and 2) no one really knows what is going on with his hair. In one week’s time, Jennings’ hair went from short with little curled up things (not a good look) to being in cornrows (see the pictures below this). As someone who has never worn cornrows, I know that you need to have long hair don’t care to wear cornrows, so Jennings probably got hair extensions. Credit Greg Wright with that joke. G-WRIGHT YOU HAD ME ROFL-INNNNNNN WITH THAT ONE!!!!

Anyways ‘Reke Havoc just carried his Sacramento Kings back from a 30+ deficit against the Chicago Bulls, and has somehow made the Sacramento Kings good even though they give significant minutes to super randos, i.e. Jon Brockman. Best thing about ‘Reke is that he really cannot shoot that well, evidenced by his multiple missed free throws down the stretch against the Bulls (BUT WHO CARES ABOUT FREE THROWS WHEN THEY ARE FREE, LOL!! IF YOU MAKE MILLZ OF DOLLAZ WHY WASTE UR TIME WITH FREE THROWS!!!), but he still scores at will because he is faster that most human beings in the world and in the National Basketball Association. He is really good at the Manu-crossover-step-fake thing that makes big men like Andrew Bogut look girly. Even though he can’t shoot ‘Reke Havoc takes big shots for the Kings at the end of games when he can’t drive because 5 men from the opposing team are in the lane. He takes these shots because you don’t want Beno Udrih or Andres Nocioni taking them if you are a Kings fan. ‘Reke Havoc did take a big shot against the Bulls with under a minute left and the shot clock winding down and buried it. He then proceeded to perform the Sam Cassell “I have big balls” dance as he strutted back to the bench where teammate Donte Greene (also VERY cool) was also doing the infamous dance. Bottom line, ‘Reke may not have the style of the coolest players in the league, but he has the game as a 6’6 super-fast point guard who averages 20 & 5 and whose jersey I would proudly wear to Frary Dining Hall on a warm Friday afternoon.

For Kael

2009-08-22T15:23:00.001-07:00

Sonicsgate Trailer from sonicsgate on Vimeo.

47 Dollaazzzz... At The KFC You Betta Holla!!!!

2009-08-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

47, HOW?!?!?
Why doesn't Delonte already have his cousin's phone number if he is giving him all that free chicken?

James

2009-08-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

I love the Thunder. The coolest player in college basketball this past season, along with maybe Johnny Flynn, was of course the bearded wonder, James Harden. When James was drafted by the Thunder, both D-Cup & myself cheered. Why? Because he makes the Thunder the coolest team in the NBA. James joins my favorite player in the NBA, Kevin Durant, which really is just too much to handle. James is D-Cup's favorite NBA player even though he hasn't taken a shot yet. Here are his credentials:
The beard: well-trimmed, neat, a nice thickness, makes him look grandfatherly & it just works really well.
The style: James rocked an oversized white t under his Arizona St. jersey & made it look awesome & as shown above he wears the Nike Hyperize

That video obviously shows you why I am so fond of Kevin Durant.

Last credential, his game: he is so smooth & makes everything look so effortless & he's a lefty & he celebrates a lot. I am showing you this clip because of the dunk at 1:40 and the 47 in the freeze frame.

I didn't like the original of this song, but the remix is cool

2009-07-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Combining The-Dream + Drake + Kanye is probably going to produce something catchy no matter what. Download here.

New Coolness!

2009-07-14T00:26:00.001-07:00

New song by two of the all-coolest people out there right now. CuDi is super-dee-duper cool, probably the second coolest person from Cleveland behind LeBron, but maybe cooler than LeBron because of all that nonsense about the mythical dunk on King James. And Posner is by far the coolest person not named Louis Frank to attend Duke University. Download here.

New Drake

2009-07-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

Pretty solid song. Download here.

Ok, enough

2009-07-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

I get it, Michael was an icon. As a singer and dancer, he was phenomenal. It makes sense that so many people want to pay tribute to him. Rest in peace. But, this is beginning to get ridiculous. The amount of people/companies attempting to profit off his death is literally sickening. But that is neither here nor there. The only reason I am writing about this is because of the song below:

I get that this song is "from the heart," but how can you not smile? Ron, I would never say this to your face because you are terrifying (not to mention super cool prior to signing with the Lakers), but please, for our sake, put down the mic.

NBA Coolness Ratings

2009-06-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Alright alright, this is how I'm gonna start off '09 (at least in terms of my additions to this already stellar blog), but I won't kick in any doors or be any problems for anyone.

I sort of want to talk about my thoughts about the NBA draft (four days ago now), but honestly I don't really have that many. I think that other than Blake Griffin's athleticism and sandbag carrying, Steph Curry's jump shot and rapping ability, and James Harden's beard (please don't shave it J.H.!), it's kind of a boring draft class. But that said, this draft does, in my mind, change the coolness dynamics of a number of NBA teams. So with that in mind, here are my personal thoughts on which NBA teams are totally awesome dude and which should be replaced by the '08 UNC Tarheels.

The Coolest of the Cool:

- Orlando Magic: Even if they do lose Hedo, the combination of Dwight Howard, V.C. and Rashard Lewis, added to the coolness with which Stan Van Gundy talked to his team in the Eastern Conference finals while being Mic'd up, makes them awesome. If they had cooler jerseys, like the '95 Magic jerseys, they would rival any team in history in coolness rating.

- Oklahoma City Thunder: No doubts here. James Harden's beard speaks volumes for this team's up-and-coming success. Even if they don't win more than 30-35 games this season, they will impress fans and opposing players with their flat out coolness.

- Philadelphia 76ers: Going back to the retro jerseys. Love it.

- Cleveland Cavaliers: They deserve to be on this list just because of LBJ, especially if he leaves after this year and they become absolutely horrible. Plus they picked up Shaq, who, even though his Kobe raps don't make sense anymore, is still hilarious.

- Memphis Grizzlies: With rookies Hasheem, DeMarre Carroll, and Sam Young, they have by far the coolest and best-shot-faking rookie class.

The Pretty Cool:

- L.A. Lakers: I don't like them, but they did just win a championship, so fine.

- Houston Rockets: Aaron Brooks Baby! Plus, they almost beat the Lakers without their two best players, and Ron Ron is pretty fucking awesome too. Additionally, they picked up Chase Budinger who is ugly but has a 44 inch vertical, and what do you know, he got drafted #44. Coincidence?

- New Jersey Nets: Brook Lopez has the coolest voice in the NBA, and Jay-Z is their owner. Yeah, he used to ball like that, and now he owns a ball team, holla back, so they're pretty cool.

- Portland Trailblazers: With Brandon Roy becoming one of the best players in the NBA, a very young line-up that was successful this past season, and then picking up Jeff Pendergraph from ASU, a guy who is not that good but somehow dunks on everyone he plays against, they're gonna be very good in years to come, so I'm jumping on their bandwagon now. Plus they were smart enough to draft AND TRADE Jon Brockman to stupid Sacramento who apparently likes to have big white centers from Washington on their team, and Patty Mills who lit up the US Olympic team for 20 points off the bench last summer.

- Denver Nuggets: Trading for Billups was brilliant, and with J.R. Smith, Carmelo, and Birdman, plus the addition of Ty Lawson (he won't do much, but he's really cool), they're definitely one of the cooler teams in the league. And Renaldo Balkman's hair makes me smile.

The So-So:

- Golden State Warriors: I am from the Bay Area, but I only say this because of Steph Curry's overall coolness. That puts the Dub's back on the map in my opinion.

- Atlanta Hawks: Same team as last year: they're still athletic and cool, but they will lose in the first round no matter what.

- New Orleans Hornets: A few years ago they were at the top of the chart, but they've slipped. That said, the fact that Tyson Chandler can score more than 10 points a game makes Chris Paul a great point guard, and he's a beast too - well, they both are - so they are still on the coolness radar.

- Chicago Bulls: I don't know why, really, they're kind of just there, but they're pretty good I guess. They might be higher if they traded Joaqim Noah.

- Boston Celtics: They should probably be higher, and obviously they're really good, but there's too much controversy in Boston about trades and whatnot for them to be cool. Plus, this is kind of about the draft, and who the hell is Lester Hudson?

The Not-So Cool:

- L.A. Clippers: Even with Blake Griffin, they won't win more than 20 games, and between Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, and Zach Randolph, they have about 1 healthy and talented center, combined.

- Minnesota Timberwolves: Cool draft class, and Jonny Flynn is cool and dunks on people, but even so, they have a way to go.

- Phoenix Suns: A'm'a'r'e' is going to leave, and they won't make the playoffs again. Also, they drafted Taylor Griffin for some unknown reason.

- Detroit Pistons: Old. Rasheed is their one saving grace.

- San Antonio Spurs: Older.

- Miami Heat: Any team that has Shawn Marion can't be that cool to me, even with Dwayne Wade.

- Dallas Mavericks: Since they fell apart and lost to the Warriors a few years ago, then they lost Devin Harris, they have been garbage and un-cool.

- Utah Jazz: Deron Williams is awesome, and Eric Maynor ALMOST became the only person I can think of to hit two game winners in consecutive NCAA tourneys, so those two are cool, but I hate any team with Matt Harpring.

- Charlotte Bobcats: They actually almost made it one level higher, but I hate their jerseys, and I really just don't think they're very cool overall. No real reason I guess, but that's how it goes.

The Extremely Un-Cool:

- Indiana Pacers: Tyler Hansbrough at #13??? Why??

- New York Knicks: They're just terrible, and Jordan Hill isn't exactly what they needed.

- Sacramento Kings: Even with Tyreke Evans, they're just too bad to be anywhere but the bottom of this list. And, as I said before, they traded for Jon Brockman.

- Washington Wizards, Toronto Raptors: Who cares?

- Milwaukee Bucks: Now that they've drafted over-hyped, over-cocky Brandon Jennings, I can name exactly one player on their roster.

Can we get a systems go?

2009-06-25T01:45:00.000-07:00

I finally had new music to listen to today. After finding the new Wale mixtape (see the next post), I saw that B.o.B aka Bobby Ray had released a new mixtape, as well. I think it's funny that he titled the mixtape B.o.B vs. Bobby Ray since he is obviously copying T.I.'s dual personality formula (T.I. vs. T.I.P.), seeing as how they are both from Atlanta AND B.o.B is signed to T.I.'s label (Grand Hustle). Anyways, B.o.B is certainly stylistically different from Wale. B.o.B's stuff is less hip-hop and more of some blend of blues, pop, and rap. As B.o.B, he does more rapping and then as Bobby Ray it's a lot more singing and pop-type music. Lyrically, most of it leaves a lot to be desired relative to Wale. But it is definitely entertaining. I thought the mixtape was ok, you can get it here. There was one song though that I have been listening to all day: Satellite. I don't know what it is about this song because the words are about nothing and the beat is relatively simple. It's just super catchy, I guess. Anyways, give it a listen:

Maybe I just become obsessed with all songs about outer space, considering that Supernova was playing in my room nonstop during Finals Week.

Anyways, I'm off to France for 12 days. Hope everyone is having a good summer. Maybe while I'm gone The-Flage and D-Cup will pick up some of the slack and lose their blogging virginity.

P.S. USA Soccer? Shaq to Cleveland? How has Justin not written about any of this yet?

Wale Mixtape

2009-06-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

This song is cool:

Get his new mixtape here

My Least Favorite Team

2009-06-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

I’ve had some time to think about the Lakers victory over the Magic to win the NBA Championship. I was upset by it. It didn’t bring joy to me like last years NBA Finals did. I’ve thought about ways to cope with their victory and initially did so by hating on Kobe - the way he celebrated, bringing his family to the forefront to show how whatever he is, etc. Now that I think about the Lakers in general and hear on ESPN about how they have dominated the decade, I decided to investigate their dominance in the new millennium.
The Lakers started off the decade by winning the 2000 NBA Finals over the Indiana Pacers in six games. The Spurs won the title the previous year led by Tim Duncan & David Robinson. Tim Duncan was absent during the 2000 Playoffs due to a knee injury and, as a result, the Spurs failed to defend, losing in the first round. The Spurs lost to the Suns who then played the Lakers in the second round. The Lakers had no trouble with them and got to avoid Duncan and the Spurs. The Lakers won the Western Conference Finals over the Portland Trail Blazers, the 3-seed, in seven games. Game 7 was when the Kobe to Shaq alley-oop happened, I believe. Portland was clearly their toughest test and really their only test in the 2000 Playoffs. The Easter Conference was extremely weak which it remained until about 2007 with the exception of the unlikely Pistons teams. The Pacers in 2000 were lead by Reggie Miller, Rik Smits and Mark Jackson. Not really the most talented bunch or most intimidating. Basically they beat a scrawny Reggie Miller who shot crazy threes and is overrated according to Bill Simmons. Not one Pacer made the 1999-2000 NBA 1st, 2nd or 3rd teams.
The Lakers dominated the 2001 Playoffs losing only once and that was in the Finals to the Philadelphia 76ers. The Lakers were actually the 2-seed and swept the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals, clearly the Lakers were the best team that year. The Eastern Conference had Philadelphia and the Milwaukee Bucks as their top two teams and the Bucks probably should have won the Eastern Conference Finals, but lost in seven. The Lakers dominated an Allen Iverson led 76ers team whose second best player was Aaron McKie. Dikembe stood no chance against Shaq. Todd MacCulloch was also on that 76ers team.
The 2002 Playoffs saw the Lakers win a questionable Western Conference Finals over the Sacramento Queens in seven games. Game 6 played out really weird and has since been tied to the Tim Donaghy scandal. From Wikipedia: “The Lakers shot 40 free throws overall, 27 in the fourth quarter, and the Kings' big men were plagued with foul trouble (Divac, Webber, Scot Pollard, and Lawrence Funderburke were called for 20 fouls, Divac and Pollard both fouling out.)” Lawrence Funderburke!!!! The series was highly entertaining with Vlade Divac memorably tipping a rebound right to Robert Horry in Game 4. With that said, the Lakers then swept the New Jersey Nets in the Finals to cap-off the Three-Peat. The Nets had trouble with a Celtics team led by Antoine Walker in the Eastern Conference Finals. Keith Van Horn, Kenyon Martin and Jason Kidd led the Nets. Jason Kidd was in his prime like AI was, but every team the Lakers played in the Finals had only one good player. The Nets would go on to play in the Finals the next year too, and got swept by the Spurs. The Eastern Conference was the worst shit ever during the first half of the 2000’s.
To recap, the Lakers beat the Pacers, 76ers, and Nets to win their three titles.
The Lakers surprisingly lost the 2004 Finals to the first good team the Eastern Conference had in many moons, the Detroit Pistons. The Lakers lost last years Finals to the Boston Celtics, the second Eastern Conference team that actually had a shot in the Finals against the Lakers this decade. The Lakers won three straight titles, yet faced only two legitimate opponents, the ’00 Blazers and the ’02 Kings, and then ate up three random Eastern Conference teams. When challenged in the Finals, they crumbled. The Magic, another random team, had no shot against this years Lakers. The Lakers benefited from not having to face LeBron and benefited from the Kevin Garnett injury. The Lakers have won four titles this decade and that cannot be taken away from them, but I just want you to LOOK AT WHO THEY HAVE BEATEN!!!

Every Girl

2009-06-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

Young Money - Every Girl [Official Music Video]

This song has been out for a little bit, I even heard it on the radio today. I like it. It is probably going to be remembered as the one of the biggest songs of the sum. I just want to make sure that people know that Mack Maine says this:

In about 3 years, holla at me Miley Cyrus
I don't discriminate, no not at all
Kit kat a midget if that ass soft I break her off
I exchange V cards with the retards

Wonder Why

2009-06-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

New Wale song featuring Big Sean and my favorite artist in the whole world Mike Posner whose mixtape I listen to every single day and everyone I show it to likes it. Download Wonder Why here bro. It is really good and will be played at Sea Fair and would have played in Smiley 109 if that still existed. I need more Mike Posner and I am really excited for his remix of Jeremih's "Birthday Sex" called "First Day Sex"!

Excuse My Mood

2009-06-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

C'mon The-Hair! You gotta find this shit, bro. Download it here.

New Layout

2009-06-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

Hope you like it. If you have an opinion on it click next to the "Reaction" section below these sentences. Choose from "Cool" the highest honor, "Interesting" a pretty high honor, or "Stoop" not really a honor one wants to receive.

Lupe

2009-06-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, Food & Liquor and The Cool were two of my favorite albums of the past 4ish years. After releasing The Cool, Lupe said he was going to release one more album and retire because he was getting bored or something. Noo!!!!! Concerning that supposed final album, his Wikipedia says:

Fiasco announced at a Chicago concert late in 2008 that his next and most likely final album will be a three disc album and that the first disc "Everywhere" would come out in June 2009. The trio was going to be named LupE.N.D. On January 30, 2009, Lupe Fiasco originally announced that LupE.N.D. will be postponed indefinitely. Instead, he would release three albums; The Great American Rap Album in June 2009, two following albums in December 2009 and June 2010, with LupE.N.D. following afterward. However, it was announced by Fiasco that his next album would instead be titled, "We Are Lasers"; yet later his official rep announced and confirmed that it would instead be titled simply "Lasers". The album is currently scheduled for a release in June 2009, no specific date is known though.

This is not all that helpful, since clearly he is not coming out with anything this month or else the collective music world would be hyping the shit out of it. Obviously, he is having trouble deciding what he wants to do next. Hopefully, he just keeps doing what he has been doing for much longer than one album. Anyways, he released a new song, not sure what it is from but it's pretty solid.

Download it here.

Congratulations to Trevor Ariza for making himself a ridiculous amount of money over the last month.

No Words

2009-06-15T11:14:00.001-07:00

The First Two People To Touch The Larry O'Brien Trophy Are Pictured Below

2009-06-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

Buzzer sounds and Kobe is jumping around by himself throwing punches in the sky nearly knocking out his teammates (Trevor & Fish) as they run by to celebrate with others. I'm bitter and this is how I make myself feel a little better. But it is so stupid that anyone likes Kobe Bryant or tries to defend him as anything but a self-centered arrogant jerk face. He is a great player and I respect you if you acknowledge him as such and defend some of his actions as his drive to want to win so bad that he doesn't care about anyone else; but, if you buy into this crap that he says to the media and the way some of the media eats him up, I hate you for doing that. He celebrated by himself, then gave a big hug to Fish, then a bear hug to some rando trainer or something, then went over to his wife and kids who were talking about the boogers in one of his daughters nose. It was comical. Then it got sickening as he brought up the fam to the stage as the Bryant family took up the entire left side of the stage as his teammates huddled in the back row with Luke falling off one side and Phil the other. It was pathetic. His daughters touched the Larry O'Brien Trophy before Trevor Ariza & Pau Gasol & Derek Fisher and all of his teammates. What the fuck?!?!? Eddie House's son was prominent last year, but his son wasn't humping the trophy or anything. It really made me feel sick to see how much all of this was about Kobe and his reputation and him I guess trying to say something by giving so much attention to his family or maybe it shows that no one cares about him except for his family. Interesting. The Lakers won, great, awesome for them, congrats on beating the Magic. Just don't like Kobe.
Dwight Howard got fined $25K for not giving Kobe a hand shake after the game. JK, lolz!

So Ecstatic!

2009-06-12T17:31:00.000-07:00

So, Justin has asked me to contribute once again to his blog after an approximately 10 month exile. Even though he has spent at least 8% of our friendship making fun of my iTunes, my task is to share good music with all 3 of his readers. The only problem is, there really has not been very good music being released lately, and Louis always posts the stuff that is worth listening to before the All-Cool Team even has a chance.
I was going to stick with the current theme of this blog and post Lil Wayne's lyrical fellatio of my least favorite superstar on my least favorite - albeit soon to be NBA champion - team. Couldn't do it. First of all, everyone has heard this by now. Second of all, no one (other than Lakers fans, who obviously have no business or reason to read this blog) really wants to hear that nonsense. The funny thing is, I thought that the song would have been a blessing in disguise for the Magic. I figured that Weezy was effectively breaking the 24 hour rule by sucking the "Rat" - as my Dad calls him when he makes that ridiculously stupid, comical face - off so close to game time. I guess that has not necessarily been the case, although Rat's 4th quarters have been pretty sub-par.

Anyways, back to music. There really is not a lot of excitement about any new worthwhile "summer" rap songs. Obviously, artists such as KiD CuDi, Drake, Wale, Mike Posner, etc. have done their thing so far this year, but there's been a lull of sorts for multiple weeks now. Having said that, I have spent a substantial amount of time lately listening to music that is far from mainstream. Specifically, I purchased the new Mos Def album, The Ecstatic, and came away impressed. Obviously, Mos is not a newcomer, nor is he some super underground artist. But, it's been a decent chunk of time since he made any ripples in the hip hop world. With that said, this CD is worth listening to all the way through. A lot of the songs are extremely short (between 1 and 3 minutes), but his flow is on point and the production is unique in that it samples a wide range of musical styles. It's refreshing to listen to rap where the lyrics carry some sort of meaning. My favorite song on the CD was:

Other high points included: History, Quiet Dog, Priority, and Life In Marvelous Times. I would mos def recommend giving this a listen.

Go FC Sounders!

Scott Foster Is Not Good At His Job

2009-06-12T15:27:00.001-07:00

Scott Foster is the referee to the left of J.J. Officiating has been a hot topic, but everytime there was a bad call last night it seemed like Scott Foster was the one making the call. This is saying a lot when he was working with Bennett Salvatore. I didn't even notice Salvatore or the other dude, which is a good thing for them. Everytime a Laker or Magic player had beef with a call they found themselves arguing with Scott Foster. Foster told Pietrus not to point at him and Lamar & Pau yelled "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" at least three times each in reaction to terrible Foster calls. He was very inconsistent and was often blowing the whistle on calls that were not his to be made. He sucked. The Lakers probably got a little bit more screwed by Foster than the Magic did as the Magic opened up the game when the Lakers were forced to play Didier "Drogba" Ilunga-Mbenga & Powell & their whole entire roster except Morrison & Sun Yue :-( :-( :-(
Do you think Foster gets home and greets his wife and his wife says, "Honey, you did a great job tonight!"??? No, absolutely not, because he is not good at officiating National Basketball Association games.

Jimmy Kimmel Strikes Again

2009-06-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

The "you're my favorite water ski accident" line made me laugh really loudly even though no one else was around.
Kevin "Outlet Pass!" Love, Tyson Chandler & Blake Griffin made a funny skit too, I hope I can find it.
Guillermo from the show interviewed Kobe, Kobe wasn't funny, Guillermo was. Surprised?
Here is Part 2 of the Dwyane Wade autograph session.

The Most Frustrating Team In The World

2009-06-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine being a real Magic fan, instead of just a very anti-Laker fan. They are the streakiest and stupidest team ever that inexcusably loses focus in the biggest spots. They cannot hold a lead evidenced by the third quarter and will shoot 75% one game and poop in their pants the next. The Magic did everything wrong and lost like they should have. They should have won though! They were a free throw away, a smart pass instead of a dumb Pietrus shot away, or a logical defense play or foul by Jameer Nelson from evening the series. Now they are done. Bye bye. Orlando is the most random city in the United States and there is no way anyone is actually from Orlando. There is nothing to do there as the downtown area has less going on than Watertown Square. Orlando, the city, and now the Magic, certainly do not deserve a NBA title.
The biggest "fuck you Magic" moment I had was the last play of regulation. The Magic set up a terrible inbounds play and called timeout. They set up a new bad one and should have called time out. Pietrus stood with the ball and looked like he was going to do nothing. Doing nothing probably would have been better. Somehow he moved, and then somehow drew three defenders, which left a WIDE OPEN Rashard Lewis in the corner. I don't care if Rashard did absolutely zip zero stingy with Robert De Niro during the game, he is going to hit the wide open jumper with the game on the line. Instead, Mickael Pietrus took a shitty shot and missed it. In the picture above Rashard is to the left of the referee, you can't see him, but he is open.
Jameer is an id. You know what play I'm talking about. When the Magic absolutely fuck up so bad on defense they know they have and for some reason they turn to Stan Van and try to immediately defend their terrible defense harder than the original play. I hope that made sense. Hedo did that in Game 3 when he left Trevor Ariza wide open for a big three. The Magic are scared of what Stan Van is going to yell at them.
The Magic are frustrating because they are idiots. They don't make free throws and choke really hard. Hedo said something about the teams "stupidness" in his press conference, but I don't know what he exactly said.
Bright spots: 1. Pau looked like he had pink eye or like he was crying for about a quarter after getting hit in the face. 2. "That drunk milf in the background fall when trying to sit down." Gr8 quote from Spence who soon will be launching his own blog, be on the look out for that. The drunken milf was my favorite part of the game as she successfully got on TV, and then promptly fell over when trying to sit back down and her friends did not notice. 3. France and Spain hating each other after the Pietrus and Gasol tussle. 4. J.J. Redick's slip and travel that wasn't called that turned into a hedo lay-up.
Not so bright spots: 1. Courtney Lee didn't play enough for me to even notice if he was wearing a NBA Logo headband. 2. Jameer Nelson (who admits he is playing like shit) played the entire fourth quarter. 3. J.J. Redick was probably the best player for the Magic and I sort of started to like him and his game. He is cooler when he isn't a pompous prick. 4. Watching Pau chest bump every player on the Lakers SUCKED SO MUCH.

That's How I Beat Pau

2009-06-11T12:02:00.001-07:00

Pau Gasol is ugly. We know this. He is really good though and I know that if Kobe does win a championship he would have never done it without Pau much like Shaq. I would also love nothing more if Pau won the Finals MVP award, if the lakers were to unfortunately win. Anyways, Pau has terrible hair and a terrible beard, especially the neard. That is why I am calling for someone in the world to tell him to clean it up or to go to a decent barber. He would look infinitely better. He trimmed his beard today, but he still looks bad and I don't get why someone on the team doesn't just get clippers and buzz off that neard shit while he is taking a cat nap. The problem is Pau will look a little better, but as we know he will still be in trouble as evidenced by a younger Pau with no beard and shorter hair and perfect shirt:

<3 This

2009-06-10T08:10:00.001-07:00

The Lakers play better when this guy is not on the floor. Phil is pretty awesome and I still believe he secretly hates Kobe.

Hi Pigeon

2009-06-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

Who knew Corey Maggette could be funny when his muscles & contract are so scary?!?!? The Jimmy Kimmel pre-game show quietly produces YouTube gems involving NBA Players. It is "can't miss" television, but then you can skip the actual pre-game show because Magic Johnson is so terrible.
Anyways, read the post below this after watching the clip.

The Key to the Series!!!!

2009-06-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

The Magic are 1-0 in the NBA Finals when Courtney Lee wears an NBA Logo headband instead of an NBA Finals Trophy headband!! How is no one talking about this yet? Everyone will soon pick up on it after this awesome post just like everyone started to talk about Kobe's not really intimidating scowl after I first famously ripped it. It swings the series back in the Magic favor when Lee rocks the conventional headband. Not only is it not stupid, but it allows Lee & the entire Magic team to play much better and shoot unbelievably well. The Magic shot what 65%? Any coincidence that Lee was wearing the NBA Logo headband when that happened? Game 1: stupid headband. What happens? Lee gets abused by "The Closer" (as I will continue to refer to him, even though he misses more free throws than Dwight Howard and gets stripped by him) and the Magic got torched. Game 2: stupid headband. What happens? Magic play a little better as they aren't as shocked by the ugliness of Lee's headband, but Lee is cursed by wearing it and misses a lay-up with 10 seconds left (that Jeff Van Gundy ridiculously says he should have dunked) and misses a pseudo-lay-up with 1 second left although it was really difficult. Game 3: traditional sick headband. What happens? Lee D's the shit out of Kobe and makes Pietrus look like an idiot for giving up 17 points to him in the first quarter. Lee not only draws offensive fouls on Kobe and forces tough shots, but then later said "Hey Derek, tell me how my dunk tastes!!!!" The Magic win by 4 and shoot lights out. The power of the headband! Dwight is pissed in the above photo because he is criticizing Lee for ever wearing the stupid headband in the first two games. Dwight was mic'd up during this interaction, the feed went only to my house where my Dad & I heard it, but Dwight said "Courtney look how well we are shooting bro, I am even making my running jump hooks and dunking the ball. Goly jeez why would you ever wear that stupid headband?" Good advice from a strong leader. Dwight forgot to mention how cool Courtney's shoes are too, but it makes sense as he was preoccupied with how cool his own Adidas shoes are, the ones that might make Adidas popular for 3 months. By the way, Dwight really wants to win this series. He is focused beyond belief. He only smiles 6 times a day instead of his usual 19 and he has given up swearing until the Finals are over. Wait, he never swears ever? Oh.

Birdman & Amar'e Throw Up Horns!

2009-06-08T15:13:00.001-07:00

This was on the Jimmy Kimmel show directly before the game last night, and for me, was probably more entertaining than the game itself. I love watching NBA players do things besides basketball and be funny and it was so awesome because The Birdman & Amar'e were both involved. Two of the coolest dudes in the NBA on "The Team Mating Game"!!!! It was funny, they showed their personalities, Birdman was gr8, Amar'e told everyone that Grant Hill likes dudes and has big ears. What more can you ask for? NBA Players are the coolest people on the planet and do things all us regular cool people aspire to do and they do it on a regular basis. They can have millions of tattoos, waste millions of dollars, party for millions of hours, and anytime I can catch a snippet of their lives off the court I will watch. How does this not become a real show? I would watch it every day if it was 30 minutes or an hour long. It is way better than Family Fued with NBA players, which was still cool, but we get to learn who hangs out with who and what weird shit they do and like and make fun of each other about. I demand this show happen and that Jimmy Kimmel keeps doing this before every NBA Finals game!!!!!

Sasha Compares Kobe's Scowl to Hannibal Lector

2009-06-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a reader's comment I was able to find this gem of a video clip about my least favorite thing about Kobe. This ranks at the bottom of facial expressions or patented things you do with your face when something cool happens, way below MJ's famous tongue out and KG's lip curl. The thing about MJ is that he would stick his tongue out even before the play would be completed and when it came out you know something badass was going to happen. You don't see Kobe scowling as he tries to draw a foul on Pietrus and bank in some And 1 crap.

Initial Reactions to Game 2

2009-06-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

Very upsetting, but it wasn't all bad as there was some highly entertaining material in the end of Game 2. This is despite 1. uber poor officiating (which primarily hurt the Magic, but the call in OT that went against Kobe off his leg was really bad too); 2. Kobe's acting, complaining and flailing worse than Paul Pierce; 3. Pau's extreme incessant excessive grunting whenever he attempts a shot; and 4. the TWO missed lay-ups by Courtney Lee at the end of regulation.
What is there to take away from Game 2? Basically, all of the good stems from the last possession for the Lakers in regulation with 9 tics remaining. Kobe got the ball with Hedo covering him, took it towards the basket and was swarmed by four defenders. Hedo beautifully blocked the ball, got it and called timeout. What's cool about this you ask? The Magic know that Hedo's length disturbs Kobe and at the end of the game and in the fourth quarter Hedo can potentially lock up Kobe or at least contain him, probably more effectively than Pietrus who fouled out for clipping his nails on the court and his nail hitting Kobe by accident. On that last possession Kobe upset not one but TWO of his teammates. Lamar was wide open in the near corner when the quadruple-team came and Lamar hit every open jumper he took that night. Ariza was wide open in his spot too. Both complained to Kobe and even yelled at him as he stormed back to the bench where he proceeded to punch the bench (like Sasha did last year in the Finals) and plopped down. Then Phil Jackson SMILED!!!! He laughed at Kobe. Why? I have no idea, but I really hope he secretly hates Kobe as much as I do and doesn't mind seeing him fail because he is such a meanyhead. It was so awesome. Phil didn't hide it at all; he blatantly smiled when Kobe punched the bench. I rewinded that joint three times bro. He wasn't smiling before it happened, then it happened, and then he was smiling. I don't know how anyone can possibly like the Lakers and defend them when Kobe & Pau are so gross and so unlikable and so terrible to watch and look at in high definition. Phil doesn't even like his star player on his team. That’s cool.
Another question, why doesn't the NBA go back to a 2-2-1-1-1 format when the only reason the 2-3-2 exists is because the Lakers complained in 1984 about having to travel from L.A. to Boston too often? There are two days off before Game 4 & 5, I am pretty sure both teams can adjust in plenty of time and it obviously makes the series more competitive and likely to go the full 7.
Lastly, Dwight’s kicks were on point tonight. I don’t know what they were exactly, but they were Adidas and I still liked them so that is saying a lot.

Game 1 Thoughts

2009-06-05T12:02:00.001-07:00

An embarrassing performance by the Magic, who looked scared shitless to be there. They had a good first quarter, but once their lead went from up five and quickly to down five, SVG had to call two timeouts and after that they sucked worse. Everyone looked scared and didn't look like they wanted to compete to come back from a double-digit deficit in the same way they did against Boston & Cleveland. The only explanation is nerves and to blame each player on the Magic team except J.J. Redick.
Before I kill everyone on the Magic through a keyboard I want to make one point. Earvin “Magic” Johnson never ever says the Orlando Magic instead he says the Orlando Magics. How is this possible when your name is Magic? Don’t you know how to say your own name? Why must you always say “Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magicsssss look like poop tonight”?
Starting with Dwight Howard, who looked ready to go with his super cool Adidas arm sleeve that no one else rocks because no one else is sponsored by Adidas. I would get one and not wear it if I didn’t think Adidas was stupid. Anyways, Dwight had one field goal and he made that bucket with a running lefty jump hook in the first quarter I believe. Dwight didn’t have a dunk and the Lakers exposed his lack of a post game. Pau flopped a couple times, Bynum hacked him a couple times, either way Dwight looked awful. For some reason there were a couple possessions where Rafer or Jameer would dump it into Dwight, the Lakers would sag off so he’d kick it out, the point guard would put it back in, he’d kick it out, they would put it back in, he’d kick it out and they would miss a three. Great offense. Dwight looks good when he squares up his defender, but after that it is complete shit. He puts his head down and commits an offensive foul or throws up garbage towards the hoop. Someone praised Patrick Ewing on the broadcast last night then Dwight never scored another field goal. Patrick Chewing makes a good commercial, but can’t teach the most athletic almost seven footer ever how to put the ball in the basket. And his touch isn’t even that bad.
Jameer played unbelievable for eight minutes, but the problem is Rafer gets jealous or can’t handle it and when he comes back in, he completely sucks. Rafer only played well last series when he played 35 minutes and even hit some open 3’s. Jameer had 4 assists in 10 seconds and hit an open jumper. It all looked good, but really he did nothing after that, especially in the second half and when everyone on the team is missing 3’s you cant rely on Jameer or Rafer to hit 3’s either. They just made everything worse by shooting 3’s and you have to expect the Lakers to keep letting them take the open shots.
I have watched pretty much every Magic game and continue to see Tony Battie get minutes and preposterously keep shooting jump shots. When in his career has Battie ever hit a jumper and why in the Playoffs is he allowed to shoot. He bricked the shit out of his two jump shots and it made me so angry. I have seen him hit ONE jumper out of FIFTEEN or so this playoffs and the one he made rattled around, came out, hit the backboard and went in. I don’t want to see another jump shot by Battie ever again, but can live with him locking down Pau.
Gortat should be starting for some team and likely will after this offseason. He finishes well around the basket, somehow hit a jump shot last night, and plays pretty good defense. The Magicssss usually don’t lose anything when he steps on the floor and were playing both him and Dwight at the same time in the fourth because Rashard was so bad.
How does Rashard go from looking like he deserves his max contract to looking like how he used to play in Seattle in one game? He sucked. Couldn’t hit a 3 or a mid range jumper and was afraid to take it to the basket and when he did he threw a lefty lay-up against the backboard really hard.
Hedo didn’t show up either after quarter number one, and when they ran the pick & roll for him, he did nothing with it. Contrarily, Kobe abused the Magic with the pick & roll.
Pietrus was worried about which shoes he should wear and then proceeded to airball 47 shots and start the game 0-5. He was of no help guarding Kobe, and thinking about it now, he was good against LeBron because he let LeBron shoot jumpers and contained him when he tried to get to the basket and even blocked some shots. He let Kobe shoot jumpers and he can’t do that obviously, and he got destroyed on every Gasol screen and never recovered.
Courtney Lee wore a stupid NBA Finals headband then proceeded to get destroyed defensively on every possession because he is a rookie and he is not at all very tall. If you play Lee you can’t play Rafer or Jameer, you have to let Hedo run the point and slow everything down, which isn’t good either because the Magic only played well out of transition.
Maybe all of this is attributed to the Lakers defense and their length, but really all the Magic need to do is get ready for the fucking game and play hard and then their shots will fall. The Magic sucked and I hope they adjust or I will have to listen to the “Kobe Bryant” Lil Wayne song on repeat for a whole month.

I h8 You!

2009-06-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

Although your performance last night was painfully unbelievable, I can still manage to hate you Kobe because you make faces like this! This is the stupidest, least intimidating, most awkward way to celebrate anything or try to be mean or anything. Kobe has no idea what to do, so this face he has tried to make his trademark when he does something awesome like bank in an And 1. It doesn't work because it sucks and I hate him when he does it and because he does it. I was impressed with his performance and making it impossible to guard him, but how can anyone like Kobe or root for him when this is the face he makes. I would laugh at him if I was Ariza. I want someone to replicate it when I play basketball so I can laugh at them when they are trying to be serious.

Eyes All Sticky Like Honey On Bees

2009-06-05T08:22:00.001-07:00

Nice Hat Jonah!

2009-06-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

Connect 4 - Jonah Hill vs. Kanye from kwest on Vimeo.

Breaking News on Stan Van Gundy's Mustache!!

2009-05-31T20:38:00.000-07:00

:-) If Jameer Nelson returns for the NBA Finals that would be so fucking cool. I don't know if he'd be good, but he is more consistent than Rafer Alston & he destroyed the Lakers when the Magic beat LA in LA in the regular season.
:-( If you are interested, my boring prediction is the Lakers will win in 6. It pains me to say it & I hope I am wrong even though I have rooted against the Magic for three straight series. The Magic are pretty cool I have to admit. It just seems way too difficult for the Magic to win three straight at home and it's unlikely they will win if LA if the Lakers play like they did in Game 6 against the Nugs.
:-) Varejao & Ben Wallace are better defenders than Bynum & Gasol, but Big Z was pretty terrible & slow, so it will be interesting to see how Dwight fares in the Finals. The match-up problem everyone talks about that Rashard Lewis creates should be interesting. If the Lakers play Pau & Odom at the 4 & 5 to match up with Dwight & Rashard that leaves the Dwight-Pau mismatch. If Bynum & Gasol play 4-5 there is no way Pau can guard Rashard either. But Rashard can't guard Pau. But 3 points are worth more than 2. I don't know what is going to happen with this, that is why everyone including Charles Barkley is taking about it. If I'm the Lakers I play Pau & Odom and double off Rafer or Courtney Lee (whoever is playing) and make him beat you. The Magic hopef won't play Rafer in the 4th and rely on the Lee, Pietrus, Hedo, Rashard & Dwight lineup, which the Lakers will counter with Fish, Kobe, Ariza, Odom & Pau. Pietrus did well against LeBron, so that should carry over against Kobe. The Magic have to dump it in to Dwight to take advantage of the biggest mismatch on the floor even if he cries after winning the Eastern Conference Finals and cries that LeBron & Kobe get too much attention and cries that Stan doesn't allow him to touch the ball enough.
:-( LeBron walked off without talking to the media or congratulating the Magic. Everyone is making a big deal out of this. He did the same thing to the Celtics last year. I don't care that he did it either time and understand it because he does every interview after halftime and games every time and always says the right thing and what the media wants to hear, so why are they complaining now?

Bun B Calls Magic "Erwin"

2009-05-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

Pennies [Remix] (Feat. Ludacris & Bun B) - The Cool Kids

I really like The Cool Kids even though I'm not a big fan of The Gone Fishing Mixtape, just this song and a couple others. I am excited for their second album. Their name has "Cool" in it so naturally this blog is a fan of them.
The Nuggets are Gone Fishin' too. Coincidence? Who knows, but I am upset about it.

Give You Cold Looks Cause We Look Cold

2009-05-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Kanye West Paranoid Official Music Video from bonna dona on Vimeo.

New music video from the coolest man on the planet! Every new music video is fresh and unique, something you never seen before, and obviously cool. The Air Yeezy's have sneaker heads going crazy and every rapper ever has a pair I am pretty sure. In the video, Rihanna is pretty much naked. I don't know why or how he got her to do it.

Kanye then claims that the above video was leaked and is an "old and very wrong version."

Feeling On Your Butt, What?

2009-05-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

The title of this post has nothing to do with what I am going to write. It is just my favorite line from “Blame It” on the a-a-a-alcohol because of the way Jamie Foxx says it. Newayz, I want to make a couple points about the Magic-Cavs series.
First off, I hate that everyone who talks about basketball in the media is saying that the Cavs are one great shot (which it was) by LeBron in Game 2 from getting swept. It is stupid to say because it says nothing. The Cavs are one great shot by Rashard Lewis in Game 4 - that gave the Magic a two point lead with six seconds left - from the series being tied. They make it seem like the Cavs should have been swept when it could very easily be tied using that same logic.
On to Dwight Howard. He looked phenomenal in the first quarter of Game 4 as he was making legitimate post moves, not just relying on his only perceived ability of being able to dunk to score. He then looked atrocious in the fourth quarter, forcing up terrible shots that were rushed and looked like he was getting p0wnd by Kendrick Perkins again. He then flipped again and looked great in OT by using his body and speed and mobility to destroy Ilgauskas and Varejao. It is amazing how inconsistent he is with the ability to dominate that he possesses. My question: how has he not developed a couple of go to post moves besides the dunk and the horrible running across the lane jump hook? Patrick Ewing must be a terrible Big Man Coach. Dwight this series has shown that he can hit the free throws when they count and the thing about him, unlike Shaq or other terrible free throw shooters, is that his form looks good! Tim Duncan is not that great of a free throw shooter yet has developed the unguardable bank shot and jump hook, which he has utilized to make him one of the best bigs ever to play the game. How has Dwight Howard not yet learned the square up bank shot yet? He could definitely use it and kill everyone in the league. Once they started biting on his pump fake he would take one dribble and shatter the backboard with a vicious dunk. I should be his big man coach even though I haven’t yet developed the bank shot.
I am going to make one point briefly because it is a little ridiculous. I rewatched the last shot of Game 4 too many times, LeBron’s step back attempt at a game winner from half court. It was a pretty good look and a pretty good try as it was pretty close. But, when I looked at it, Courtney Lee goes to double LeBron and leave Delonte West pretty much wide open for a much easier and closer shot. Of course, LeBron would get hammered by the media for not taking the big shot at the end of the game, but there was plenty of time to make the pass and for Delonte to get off a clean three for the win. A much better option. Also, LeBron’s three while tiptoeing the sidelines to make the game even a game in OT was UNBELIEVABLE and probably a harder shot than the Game 2 winner, but with less obviously on the line.
Oh yeah, what happened at the end of the fourth? Why didn't Stan call a timeout when it was obvious they weren't going to get a good shot? Mickael Pietrus wound up taking one of the worse shots ever but got bailed out by Dwight hustling after the loose ball. Then Rashard hit the three of course.

Game 4: Nuggets – Lakers | Running Notes & Thoughts

2009-05-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

==> Chauncey Billups has slapped hands with at least 20 people (including coaches, players, and peeps in the stands) right before the game is set to begin. Do you think he is worried about if he got everyone?
==> Why is each starter allowed to hold on to the ball and dribble it and put it over their head before tip-off? Do some players have pre-game ball rituals? What would mine be? Do I have to be a superstar or point guard to get to feel the ball? Andre Bynum doesn’t dribble it around.
==> A tattoo on my neck of red lips is probably the last tattoo in the world I would ever get. If I was in the NBA, I guarantee I would have a neck tattoo. For real.
==> Have you seen Birdman give interviews with his hair straight and combed? You should. His persona and look on the court is so crazy, how does he try to be a normaler looking person off the court and succeed?
==> Lamar Odom blocks another inbound pass. Good thing it is still the first quarter.
==> Luke Walton is poop.
==> Lamar Odom is the only Laker I like.
==> Kobe banks in a runner at the end of the first quarter. Mark Jackson makes a joke no one saw coming about the bank being open on a holiday. I bet Sean Marshall laughed. More importantly, Kobe’s jersey is way too big. He is swimming in it. His shorts are baggy too. Diana Taurasi looks better in her jersey in the WNBA ads.
==> J.R. Smith hits a floater and proceeds to let Sasha know about it. Birdman then deflates the ball against the backboard. To say that the Nuggets bench has a lot of energy would be an understatement.
==> I saw something the other day about how when AI first got traded to the Nuggets that both Carmelo & J.R. Smith had a hard time keeping up with his partying because AI was out until 3AM. Do you think they have been able to keep up with Birdman’s partying?
==> J.R. Smith is somehow really good at passing, but one of my favorite things is when after players make the pass they turn their heads to make it look more like a no-look pass or just way cooler.
==> Kobe makes a turn around jumper over Anthony Carter for an And 1, then makes his stupid stupid face when he hits shots and sticks out his jaw and lower lip almost. I don’t know how to describe it or explain what he is doing because he is so uncomfortable and stupid. Almost as stupid as his purple & gold headphones.
==> I am bored during halftime so I have been looking at pictures of Kobe Bryant and found the picture below. He is sitting next to Sun Yue I assume, but whyyyyyyy???? Because he has no friends and no one likes him and he is an arrogant jerkhead.
==> Halftime special on Chris Andersen, the real guy not The Birdman. I learned nothing like usual and am glad his hair is like it is now instead of how it was when he tried the same dunk 31 times in the dunk contest.
==> Dahntay Jones trips Kobe. Kobe is upset. I’m not.
==> Chris Andersen just shot a three. I’m upset. He’s not. Sasha missed one right after. They have the same 3PT FG% this game!
==> Sasha hit one, oops.
==> Jeff Van Gundy doesn’t like that 7 Technical Fouls in the Playoffs results in an automatic suspension because 7 is an arbitrary number. He then suggests 9 or 11 games without explanation. Those are also numbers.
==> My favorite part about the Shaq & Kobe alley-oop against the Blazers commercial is that Kobe tries to high-five Shaq, but Shaq sort of looks and ignores it and then celebrates by pointing up into the stands.
==> The Nuggets Trainer has a gr8 mustache & Big Shot with a BIG SHOT.
==> Slo-Mo shot of J.R. pounding his chest with both hands, first person I’ve seen do that, and yells “mother fucker” at the same time.
==> I wonder if Bynum gets excited at Christmas or what he is like drunk.
==> “Look at my arm! Look at my arm!” – Pau Gasol
==> J.R. Smith hits two COLOSSAL threes then does a chicken dance back the other way. I hope I can find a picture of it to make my profile picture. J.R. celebrates like no one else in the NBA, HE IS THE FUCKING MAN!!!!!!!!!!
==> Mike Posner "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" drops now too!! Best day ever!!

Amar'e Doesn't Know Who Kelenna Azubuike Is!

2009-05-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

The Suns didn't make the Playoffs meaning that perhaps the leagues coolest player, Amar'e Stoudemire, is ineligible for the 2009 NBA Playoffs All-Cool Roster. However, he was entered into a Spelling Bee by NBA.com and asked to spell players names, doing some with ease and others not so much. Of course Amar'e looks hip with his glasses, beanie & mustache!

THE COOLEST SHOT EVER

2009-05-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

I SHOULD RENAME THIS BLOG AND CALL IT "THE LEBRON IS THE ONLY COOL PERSON IN THE WORLD AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST TRYING TO BE LIKE HIM BLOG!!!!!" WARNING: THIS POST WILL BE IN ALL CAPS (KANYE WEST STYLE) BECAUSE I JUST WITNESSED THE GREATEST SHOT I HAVE EVEN SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE. NS;V;NA;LSNVLANRLEKNRGLKNAELKNGLANSNAE'NBAKLNASDLNVLASNDVLNA
LGNREGOR[UNQEOGNRQEGNR'LNJSVNADSNVDNSVADNSKVJSADKBVKJSABDVJBA
SNVIOAVIONLJNSDLVKNLASNDVLKNASDLVNLSADNVLKNSADLVNL'KSADN
THAT IS HOW I FEEL!!! I FOUND MYSELF STRANGELY ROOTING FOR THE MAGIC FOR A LITTLE BIT, PROBABLY BECAUSE I JUST WANTED THEM TO MAKE IT CLOSE SO LEBRON COULD DO SOMETHING AMAZING AND HE DID. I WANT THE CAVS TO PLAY AS MANY GAMES AS POSSIBLE SO I CAN CONTINUE TO WATCH THE MOST AMAZING PLAYER EVER CONTINUE TO DO SOMETHING I COULD NEVER HAVE EXPECTED. HE ABSOLUTELY DOES EVERYTHING. CRITICIZE HIM FOR NOT HITTING BIG GAME WINNERS AND HE JUST HIT THE BIGGEST GAME WINNER EVER. HE SAVED THE SERIES!!! THE MAGIC DID EVERYTHING PERFECT EVER FOR A WHILE AND HEDO, RASHARD & PIETRUS WERE THE BIGGEST BOSSES EVER, WHICH IS WHY I RESPECT AND SORT OF LIKE THEM NOW. THEY ARE THE COCKIEST DOUCHES EVER AND TURKOGLU DOESN'T CARE THAT HIS NAME IS SILLY, THAT HIS HAIR LOOKS WORSE THAN JEFF VAN GUNDY'S (STAN'S BRO), AND THAT HIS BODY LOOKS LIKE JELLO. THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. PIETRUS SOMEHOW CAN SORT OF GUARD LEBRON AND BLOCK HIS SHOT. I FEEL LIKE THE MAGIC WILL WIN, WHICH WOULD OBS PISS ME OFF BECAUSE THAT WOULD PREVENT LEBRON FROM PLAYING MORE GAMES, BUT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT THE MAGICIANS! BACK TO LEBRON: HOLY SHIT!!!!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT. ONE SECOND, FADING AWAY, RATTLES IT HOME. HE DEFINES AMAZING. LEBRON = AMAZING. IT IS LIKE THE MOST WELL KNOWN THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. IT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN 2+2=4 AND I AM MORE SURE THAT LEBRON IS AMAZING THAN THAT THE SUN WILL RISE TOMORROW. I WANT TO SEE WHAT HE WEARS POST GAME AND TOMORROW AND THE NEXT DAY. I WISH A CAMERA WAS ON HIM AT ALL TIMES. I WANT TO KNOW IF HIS LEG STARTS TO BLEED A LITTLE BIT, MAKE SURE I KNOW THIS. LEBRON JAMES IS THE FUCKING MAN. THE CAVS SEASON WAS OVER, BUT IN ONE SECOND LEBRON CHANGED THAT AND HE HAS NO ONE ON HIS TEAM THAT SHOWS UP IN THE FOURTH TO HELP HIM, EXCEPT MO SOMETIMES LIKE THE BIG 3 HE HIT. I WOULD DO ANYTHING LEBRON EVER TOLD ME TO DO AND WILL REPLICATE ANYTHING HE EVER DOES THAT IS COOL, WHICH IS EVERYTHING. LEBRON WAS IN MY DREAM THE OTHER NIGHT AND I SOMEHOW GOT INTO HIS ENTOURAGE AND I HAD THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE EXCEPT THAT IT WASN’T HAPPENING, BUT I’M STILL CERTAIN THAT IT WAS COOLER THAN ANYTHING I HAVE OR WILL EVER DO IN THE REAL WORLD, UNLESS LOUIS FRANK AND ALL OF KENNEBUNK IS INVOLVED. I AM WEARING CAPRI’D SWEATPANTS IN HIS HONOR FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND. THIS IS LEBRON’S CRAIG EHLO SHOT, BUT IT WAS SOOOO MUCH COOLER BECAUSE I GOT TO SEE IT LIVE, IT WAS MORE DIFFICULT AND BECAUSE LEBRON IS GOING TO BE BETTER THAN MJ. BOOM I SAID IT.

The Coolest Outfit Ever

2009-05-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

LeBron pays his stylist mad duckets to make him look this cool and he does look so cool evidenced by the coolest outfit ever. His head is kind of weirdly shaped, he has a wide jaw and skinny forehead, so he looks silly in sunglasses, but he for damn sure can makes the vest and tie look cool. He unfortunately lost Game 1, although it was entertaining, but will 100% for certain win Game 2 tonight. Single-handedly if he has too.

My Man Crush on the 2009 NBA Playoffs Coolest Bro

2009-05-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

I would like to formally announce that Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James is the coolest player in the 2009 NBA Playoffs. I am not sure how long this post is going to be because there are sooo many pictures & videos of LeBron that I could use as evidence backing up my claim. The Cavs are 8-0 and are by far the most dominant team in the Playoffs so far. LeBron is amazing. Everyone knew that they were going to sweep the Pistons & Hawks, but we still watched. Why? Because LeBron is always capable of doing something we have never seen before. The mind-blowing run he had against the Pistons a couple years ago where he scored 30 something points in a row on the road was just the beginning. We will see something like that this year. The dunk on KG last year in the Eastern Conference semis was unbelievable. This year however, LeBron's coolness has been so high because of things he wears, does in pre-game or practice, or what he orchestrates during lineups. I will show you as much as I can, here we go!

The underhand half court shot started it all. He does it so nonchalantly and so fucking often it is awe-inspiring. He did it on the first try, I assume, on 60 minutes. He inspired me to do it every single time I step on a basketball court and I have only made it probably twice over the past two months. It would take him five shots to make it twice. He does so many awesome and unbelievable things that I have to use my thesaurus so I don't say unbelievable and amazing every sentence. He hit the casual step back jump shot from half court at the end of a half against the Hawks this year. And recently he did this, in practice because the Cavs never lose and they have to wait for Dwight Howard and his running jump hook shattering the backboard:

I show you this shot because it is amazingly awesomely unbelievable, because he is so strong, but mainly because LeBron is wearing CAPRI'D SWEATPANTS. LeBron obviously checks both David Liss’s Facebook accounts and mine or has his stylist do it for him to learn all the latest trends. The Capri'd Sweatpants look mainly means that you cut regular sweatpants to make extremely long sweat shorts that are both comfortable because they are sweatpants (omg, so comfy) and shorts (omg, so free and comfy)!! They aren't capri pants, like what Nadal wears, which causes a lot of confusion for haters of the capri'd sweatpants look. Ex-California D-I walk-on basketball player David Liss first executed this look. Dave boldly pulled off this look while still at Cal and when his teammates would wear matching sweatsuits after games and have to greet all their friends and family and receive free cookies and Gatorades. Dave still sported this look even though he was a walk-on and DeVon Hardin probably made fun of him, but in his deepest of hearts Dave knew that this look would soon sweep the basketball world. He may have not looked cool then but he certainly does now! So, LeBron is the clear-cut coolest player of the 2009 NBA Playoffs, but David Liss's contributions should not be understated.
Back to Lebron:Although I am not the biggest proponent of any LeBron James shoe, it was a nifty idea for LeBron to have his own MVP shoe that he boldly rocked after winning the award, then destroyed the Hawks, then probably gave them to Brian Urlacher or someone famous. The LeBron VI’s came in some cool colors and some cool editions, but only LeBron got to wear them because Nike only sold the shitty colors and nobody bought them and if they did they should have immediately returned them. This is the only thing that doesn’t make sense about LeBron (except that his initials are tattooed on his triceps like everyone else in the NBA) because he wears the coolest things ever off the court especially when he accepted his MVP Award at his high school:

I guess I could include videos of him dunking and stuff or pretending to take pictures with his team before each game, but you have already seen these. The point is he is fucking amazingly cool and he has the most fun any athlete has ever had probably because he is so good at his job of putting a NBA regulation sized basketball through a hoop ten feet in the air. LeBron James is the starting Small Forward on the 2009 NBA Playoffs All-Cool Team. More players to come later when I feel like it. Players on teams that already have been eliminated are eligible unless you are French, have long hair and celebrate excessively.

J.R. Smith is Really Good at Dunking

2009-02-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

J.R. Smith replaced Rudy Gay in the dunk contest for some reason, which even though I hyped the shit out of Rudy is still cool. J.R. Smith is really cool as he is really good at jumping and throwing basketballs through the rim at high velocities & he shoots an insane amount of bad three pointers. The coolest thing about his dunking capabilities is that he can jump off either foot, which is extremely difficult, like really really hard. I don't think I can touch the rim when I jump off my right foot & try to reach the rim with my left hand. I also am just as tall as Yao Ming, keep that in mind. So here are some dunk videos of J.R. Get excited!
Off the left foot
Off the right foot
Off two feet

Quick Dunk Contest Preview: Too Many Rudy's!

2009-02-08T17:21:00.001-08:00

I am very excited for the NBA Slam Dunk Contest coming up this Saturday & as a result have been watching so many YouTube videos of sick dunks & last years contest & of Dwight Howard bench press 14 plates on both sides. So here is what I think will happen:

Rudy Fernandez: Voted in by the fans over my boy Russell Westbrook was a terrible choice by the NBA fans that vote for these things. Rudy is really good at finishing alley oops, speaking Spanish & saying "surprise". Here is Rudy's Sprite preview commercial, YouTube clip thing & as you will see he dunks the ball twice & they are dunks Danny "Kondor" Brown does when he plays Knockout/Bump. The only reason he is in it is because the Trail Blazers are team of the Internet because they are cool, young, good, half of the team blogs, one of them has a really terrible beard & wrinkles in his head & because Steve Blake plays/played more than Jerryd Bayless. The Internet peeps love them & thus voted for him.

Nate Robinson: He is really short & really good at jumping, but he doesn't have enough dunks in his arsenal to win a Dunk Contest (even though he did) & won't win in this year. It is always exciting when he dunks in games, but in the Dunk Contest he throws it off the backboard 15 times until he finishes his not that creative dunk. Now that I look at this video though, his between the legs one is pretty nice. I think Rudy beats him out to make it to the finals though.

Rudy Gay: This dunk is WAY UNDERRATED!!!! Chuck & Kenny shit on this dunk, but it is Departed sick, bro! Off some shit behind the backboard & then has to duck to avoid the backboard itself then windmill, MMMMMMMM!!! I am expecting big things from Rudy & look forward to four incredible OMG dunks from him.

Dwight Howard: The most creative Dunk Contest participant ever. The sticker dunk, the Superman dunk (which is unbelievable because of where he takes off & the fact that Jameer throws him the ball from way out of bounds & over the backboard, the timing OMG), the off the back of the backboard dunk (my fav), the unexplainable tap dunk, and every dunk he has on/over/on top/through people every night. He is the strongest human living with a smile that makes you want to buy Crest White Strips. No question in my mind he wins again & does some crazy shit.

Justin Darlington is the best dunker out of everyone in the world though (starts around 1:30)!
Why does YouTube give you the option of watching a higher quality video?

Josh Hussein Childress

2009-02-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

I have a late addition to Biff's All-Cool Squad: special assistant Barry Obama. Not only does he rock a hella cool Josh Childress mini-fro, but he can also stroke it from deep.
Props to the Choom Gang for helping me with this post.

Super Bowl Lookalike Contest

2009-02-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

There was nothing on TV tonight so I split my viewing time between Australian Open re-runs and UCLA vs. Stanford Women's Basketball. Also, "What Women Want" was on TBS again.
If you're going to come away from this stupid Super Bowl with one thought in your brain, it shouldn't be about Large Ben Roethlisberger being good at football, because he isn't, and he will never be on Tom Brady's level. The story that no one has talked about is that Ronaldinho has been moonlighting as a wide receiver for the Cardinals. I'm sure Chris Mortensen will read this blog and break the story. Here is the conclusive evidence:

The photo above is "Larry Fitzgerald, Jr."

This is a photo of Ronaldinho at the 2005 Exeter graduation. You can see he's showing his support for the graduating class by flashing the classic "Oh-5" hand gesture/gang sign.

And finally, this is a photo of the two of them side by side. Ronaldinho is on the left and Larry is on the right. They're twins.
Larry Fitzgerald, Sr. should write about that in his column in the University of Minnesota quarterly magazine.

Biff's All-Cool Squad

2009-01-29T20:54:00.001-08:00

It’s been a minute since anyone’s posted on the blog, and the reason for that is two-fold: 1) Justin kicked everyone off even though he was the one going to Scotland to get tagged in Facebook albums with Kael while I was sitting here in America looking at the photos of Justin and Kael while wishing I could live blog the Red Sox playoff games and 2) everyone is lazy or some shit. I just wanted to say I’m sorry and shit and I’m going to try and write more. Anyway, Justin named his All-Cool Team picks rather early this season, and you can find them like right below this post.

The point is that we’ve reached the NBA “midseason”—even though the Celtics have played like 70 games already, including 12 back-to-backs in December alone—and a lot has happened. Baron Davis, fashionable and beard-having though he may be, has proven to be a huge douche with the Clippers and hasn’t tried since he found out that Mike Dunleavy is actually the coach of the team. Brandon Roy is a straight G and his buzzer beater against Houston was one of the best plays of the season, so I’ma let that one slide. Paul has been his usual self and may be the only cool pure small forward in the league. Al Jefferson is the MVP of the month of January but I still contend that he’s way too ugly to be on the ACT (he could use some work). And finally, Sun Tzu not only let us all down by ditching the goggles early on, but he also whines about having to play defense, even though he’s 6’11” and freakishly athletic so it should come easily to him. Whatever.
This is my starting five; they would probably lose to Justin’s in an actual basketball game, but that isn’t important.

Point Guard: Eddie House (Boston Celtics)

This was by far the hardest position to pick, because almost all of the cool players in the NBA right now are point guards: Derrick Rose, Chris Paul (who has gone bananas since David West went down and could actually record a quadruple-double this season), Devin Harris, and All-Star reserve/midget Jameer Nelson. But Eddie’s got them all beat. I have never seen another basketball player other than myself so shamelessly and consistently look for his own shot. Eddie might be the most arrogant motherfucker on the planet, but that also makes him one of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet. He’s been on fire lately, so Doc has been showing him hella love and giving him mad minutes. Eddie dropped 23 in Sunday’s 573-22 victory over Dallas (7/11 from 3), and was hoisting crazy 3’s with a minute left and the Celts up huge. Then he followed that up by dropping 28 on the Kings in only 20 minutes(!!!!!!!). He is perhaps the most one-dimensional player in the league, but also one of the most fun to watch, because he plays like a nine year old in a rec league. It’s often forgotten that EH dropped 61 on Cal during his senior season at Arizona State, where he’s the all-time scoring leader. So that's kind of cool.
Eddie is also the father of Little Eddie House, the Celtics’ good luck charm during last season’s playoff run. As far as I can tell, Little Eddie doesn’t go to school, because he spends all of this time sitting next to the Celtics players on the bench and having sex with the girls that his dad rejects.

Shooting Guard: Dwyane Wade (Miami Heat)

Holy shit. Dwywynaaenne has been popping off this season. He leads the league in scoring, and he’s going for 29, 7 and 5 every night while carrying shitty Michael Beasley and pot dealer/crackhead Mario Chalmers on his back. Pretty much the entire Miami roster sucks at basketball, but somehow D-Wade has kept the team in the thick of the playoff race, and they could actually get the #4 seed (They’re tied with Detroit for 6th and a half-game back of Atlanta for 4th). He's also put together a redonk highlight reel in only half of a season. If LeBron didn’t exist then Dwywynaaenne would easily be the favorite for both league MVP and weirdest name. As it stands now he is the MVP of Biff’s All-Cool Team.
He’s also not that bad at acting.

Small Forward: Chris Adams-Wall (Bowdoin College Meddiebempsters)

I wanted to put Joe Johnson in this slot, but he plays shooting guard and I didn’t want to have two Hawks on my squad. The point is that other than LeBron and Paul, there really aren’t any cool small forwards in the NBA (and I would argue that Paul is more badass than he is cool). I really didn’t want to put LeBron here because A) he is going to absolutely slaughter the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals and B) it’s way too cliché to put him here because everyone knows how cool he is (all I've ever wanted is for HOV to write a diss track for me) Also, his initials are LBJ, and Lyndon Baines Johnson was kind of a shithead.
So I have no choice but to plug in "A-Wall" here at the 3. He’s a streaky shooter in the Quentin Richardson mold, so you know how dangerous he can be. According to his Meddiebempsters bio, his major is “Spanglish,” (?) so we know he’s cultured, and his favorite activity is “Dropping back to pass,” which is perfect, because we really need Chris to share the ball with the talent around him and try to make plays, rather than look for his own awkward, sideways-spinning shot.
Unfortunately he sings in an acappella group, which sucks (not the group, the fact that he sings in it). You can read more about him here. Also Chris's show is actually funny so I'ma hype it. Watch it if you want to. I'm pretty sure they've been a big influence on "The Office."

Power Forward: Josh Smith (Atlanta Hawks)

Josh’s numbers have been down this year, and he was out for 12 games in November with anal fissures, but he’s back and cooler than ever. Last night against the Knicks he scored 26 points, grabbed 12 boards, blocked 2 shots and had 4 steals. This is what makes Josh so cool: he fills up the stat sheet in the weirdest ways. He’s 6’9” but he plays much bigger, and he consistently averages 3+ blocks per game (although he’s only at 1.5 this season because of the aforementioned fissures). Josh is also a former Slam Dunk champ, which is pretty much an automatic ticket to coolness unless you’re a huge arrogant douche bag or white and awkward and therefore inherently and irreversibly uncool (Brent's dunk doesn't even look cool). The Hawks are also a young team and a lot of fun to watch; some modern scholars have begun to call them the Blazers of the East.

Center: Dwight Howard (Orlando Magic)

This is where it gets good. There are lots of cool centers in the NBA, but my man Dwight really runs away with the crown. What has he done in his life that hasn’t been cool? He was drafted #1 overall when he still had braces, he resurrected the Slam Dunk contest, he averages 20 and 14, and his shoulders could sing in the Bowdoin Meddiebempsters. Dwight is hands-down the coolest player in the NBA (not to be confused with Eddie House, who is the coolest motherfucker on the planet). He is hilarious in commercials, gives great interviews, and has turned midget Jameer and Rashard Lewis into All-Stars (the fact that Lewis got chosen over Ray Allen is stupid because Rashard sucks at basketball playing). Seriously, I defy you to find something uncool about Dwight. He is the man. He also tries hard on defense—unlike Amare—which is why the Magic is/are one of the best teams in the NBA now, because it’s hard to score when you have to get through Dwight and his massive Meddiebempsters in the lane.

Coach: Andre 3000

He actually is the coolest motherfucker on the planet.

That's all for today. Your fly is open McFly.
Love,
Biff

Christmas Day, NB-Ay!

2008-12-25T20:10:00.001-08:00

Despite the unfavorable final two minutes in the NBA marquee match-up on Christmas day, which included way too much Pau Gasol, way too many times Tony Allen thinking he could score the basketball & too many bad calls by Steve Jaffe & crew, NBA Christmas day is/was AWESOME. Five games in one day! The first sucked, I watched about 7 minutes of Orlando & New Orleans, then 11 minutes of Phoenix & San Antonio, then 46 minutes of Boston & Los Angeles, then 32 minutes of Cleveland & Washington, with one more game to go, Portland & Dallas (All times are real life time , not game time, nice clarification right?). A lot of basketball to watch in between opening presents, playing with presents, a family movie (Wanted, not good & not a family movie), trying to fix Lily's new cell phone & a long large family Christmas dinner get together. The best part of the NBA action of course has to be Craig Sager with his sweet Frosty tie, all the ridiculous outfits of inactive players & new basketball shoes!!! Shout out to BC and his awesome Christmas day NBA post & all of his web links.
Gilbert Arenas for one was wearing an ascot, which is just awesome. Sam Cassel looked ugly as always & looks like he should remain a coach. And some dude on the Cleveland bench was wearing a red velvet suit!
The end of the Spurs & Suns game was sick with Roger Mason burying a three with time expiring when the Spurs were down two. I have watched a few Spurs games this break & find them much more likeable & easier to watch. They are playing players everyone hates – Bowen, Udoka & Oberto – less, giving way to Mason, Matt Bonner & George Hill. Pop’s beard helps a lot because it is awesome, he is awesome & he is my favorite NBA coach because every time they do a Mic’d Up segment with him, he is funny. Manu is also so good. With that said, they are still pretty boring, Tim Duncan still has Dungeons & Dragons tattoos & shoots bank shots. I was still rooting for Phoenix because they have Sun Tzu!! Speaking of Amare his sneaks were amazing:

So were Sugar Ray Allen’s & all of the Celtics with their red laces. Pau’s were gross & purple, but Lamar, Trevor & Bynum all had the kind of ugly kind of cool yellow & orange hyperdunks. Kobe broke out the low-tops, which looked better on George Lopez when they showed him on TV. Rajon was rocking some Blue Chip low-tops, not that great, but Big Baby’s hyperdunks made up for them. Nick Young has some great hyperdunks, too. But Brandon Roy & LaMarcus Aldridge, as I watch the game right now, may have the coolest sneaks all day. New sneaks like these are usually revealed during the All-Star game, but the NBA provided a nice surprising present on a for the most part great Christmas day of basketball.

Evaluating The Kicks

2008-12-19T20:59:00.001-08:00

All the hype surrounding the new Kobe IV low-top sneakers has got me thinking about sneakers even more thna I usually do. First, they aren’t true low-top’s like a Chuck T shoe; second, he isn’t going to get hurt in them; third, Steve Nash already wears “low-top’s” when he plays! When I watch a basketball game, I look out for dunks & no look passes like everyone else, but also I make sure I know how each player wears their socks and what kicks they are rocking. Ever since the Jordan era lots of basketball fans have become obsessed with sneakers. It is unbelievable to me how many of Jordan’s shoes were fire when you look at modern stars today like LeBron and Dwyane Wade wearing some pretty ugly shoes. Kobe’s, for the most part, rocks cool and unique looking sneakers, although I am not the biggest fan of him or his newest sneaker. So, what I plan to do is review the current sneakers that are circulating through college basketball & the NBA. They will be all Nike shoes, because other brands are boo boo, and they are all available at Eastbay.com, yo.Lebron IV: Just pure ugliness. For $140 I don’t think anyone really is going to purchase this sneaker. LeBron James is the best player on the planet, and maybe someday ever, and Nike cant design a decent sneaker for him? They have all been ugly except maybe for the LeBron IV, but these!, no one is wearing them in any rank of basketball except LeBron himself, and for good reason.
The Hyperdunk: A very popular shoe this summer and still throughout the NBA, with many players rocking them such as the great Rudy Fernandez & Nene, but most importantly Amare. Kobe of course sported them and jumped over a moving car in them. A way better alternative than any LeBron shoe, as they come in an assortment of colors although my favorite is the one pictured. They are light, Kael Kristof wears them, and they appeal to the vegetarian basketball players!
The Powermax: Again way too ugly. Carlos Boozer when he plays and Tyson Chandler rock the Powermax’s, but they have had injury problems all year so maybe they should switch shoes. They look good here on the Nike website, but no one should really be buying the ones available on the Eastbay website because they are terrible. They are a big man’s shoe as Varejao and Big Z are wearing them in the Cavs-Nuggets game right now, and you don’t see any cool quick guards wearing these massive kicks.
Blue Chip: Probably the best sneaker out there right now because of who wears it, the look, the price, and the coolness. You have seen the ads if you watch basketball with the young studs in the NBA, All-Cool Team Starting SG Brandon Roy who dropped 52 the other night, Deron Williams & cool dude Rudy Gay all having their own pairs. I might pick me up a pair, I only wish they were customizable on Nike ID. The picture doesn't do the Blue Chip justice.
The Huarache: Not available on Eastbay anymore for some reason but you should definitely cop these or create your own on NikeID. They have been out for a little while now, but are definitely one of the cooler shoes out there, worn by players such as LaMarcus Aldridge (I’ve been watching a lot of Blazers games lately). They may be the best looking of the basketball shoes listed here and definitely can be worn when you are heading to the club with Cheddar Bob Plaxico.

The All-Cool Team Starting Five

2008-11-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

OK, so this is the starting 5! When I return to the United States of America I promise (because I will be mad bored) to give you the 10 or so bench players and maybe coaches. Other topics of interest to look forward to are my possibly ridiculous assertion that LeBron James will be better than Michael Jordan, and in-depth look into the players MJ was going up against after his return to the league to make my point. So stay tuned bro! Now, though, I introduce to you the starting five for the All-Cool Team this 2008-2009 NBA season:

Point Guard: Baron Davis (Los Angeles Clippers)
Baron pretty much single-handedly inspired the idea of an All-Cool Team after he led his Warriors in the epic playoff series against the Mavericks. Well, and of course his beard too. Since then Baron has become a superstar. Baron went to one of the cooler teams in the league this off-season, the Los Angeles Clippers who are cool because the have always been so bad and no one actually cares about them. Things looked so good with Elton Brand set to sign a contract and at least with the two of them make the playoffs and see what happens. Instead, Elton was like naw Boom-Dizzle, got to go to Philly and the Eastern Conference for more money bro, good luck signing Marcus Camby. The Clippers did do that and after some pre-season hype have started the season terribly. Winning matters little to the All-Cool though. So, with that intro to Baron let’s talk about all the cool things about him. Look at the picture; look at the style on the court. He rocks the red. white, & blue so well, has his own shoes with a number one on them, two pairs of socks of different appropriate lengths, a headband, and that stretching thing. Off the court, he is cooler; he rocks The Hundreds and looks fresh when he watches the Lakers in the playoffs. He is all over the Internet. He has his own blog (http://www.yardbarker.com/users/barondavis), doesn’t update it too often, I mean all the cool bloggers don’t really. Calls himself Boom-Dizzle on it, then has another site where he just makes videos and is currently engaged in a Skit Competition with Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors, who made a Samurai video! He made this video with Steve Nash this summer, which made me like both them infinite amounts. I’m sure he is the greatest person in the world to be friends with and someday I hope I run into him in Los Angeles and we become besties! Until then though, Boom always has a place on the All-Cool Team, this year taking the role of ultimate floor general making sure to spread the coolness around and keep everyone looking fresh.

Shooting Guard: Brandon Roy (Portland Trail Blazers)
This is without a doubt, a hundred million percent for sure Brandon Roy’s year. Like a breakout superstar amazingly awesome good year, because that is what he is, people know him and love his game, but everyone should because he is filthy good. Two problems: Greg Oden isn’t good as he somehow doesn’t score the basketball & the Blazers are starting or play Steve Blake & Joel Przybilla way too much. But, the Blazers everyone knows will be great for many years because they have so many awesome cool young guys: Bayless, Batum, LaMarcus & Rudy Fernandez. Back to B-Roy, he won the starting spot on the All-Cool Team for his performance against the Rockets: this clip is still fun too watch. He hit two huge shots in the final ten second & committed a terrible foul, obviously making up for the foul by making an impossible rainbow shot. Only problem I have with him is that the celebration was lacking, no beating of his chest, maybe he isn’t self-absorbed like some players, which may be a good thing, but isn’t the best thing for this team. All he does is pull up his jersey and yell “Fuck man!” or something like that. Needs a little work. As far as style goes, he’s always got a fresh haircut, I like his sock length and he definitely rocks some nice kicks. The Blazers jersey is pretty sick too; I’d like to have an old Rasheed Wallace Blazers one ya dig?
Small Forward: Paul Pierce (Boston Celtics)
PP34 was amazing in the playoffs & when he went down with his “injury” in Game 1 of the NBA Finals, I was so upset because the series was over if Paul couldn’t play. Everyone knows the story, PP pulled off the Willis Reed, coming back later in Game 1, sparking a Celtics run and eventually leading them over the Lakers to win the NBA Championship making me sooooo happy!! Also important to mention how huge Paul was in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals when he out did the best played in the NBA, LeBron James, in an amazing fourth quarter. This year, the Celtics lead by Paul Pierce, the self-proclaimed best player in the league, look good and look like they have something to prove. They want to win another one and win every game they play, lknowing every team they play is coming after the defending champs. The highlight of the short NBA season so far for the Celtics and All-Cool Team starting Small Forward Paul Pierce is his game winning buzzer beater to beat the at the time very decent Atlanta Hawks. How good does Joe Johnson look? Good! Back to PP, the buzzer beater wasn't no B-Roy but still it was so clutch, so smooth, so beautiful, so yummy!! Paul has always been so deceptive because he looks fat, but somehow has a good quick first step, can finish with both hands, and shoots real well. Definitely not the best player in the NBA, but he is often overlooked & I respect the confidence he has, because he outplayed some people’s proclaimed best NBA player – Kobe Bryant – in the NBA Finals. Paul’s shoes have never been that impressive, but he wears those weird shin guard things some times, and always got that headband and “The Truth” wristband which I like.
Power Forward: Al Jefferson (Minnesota Timberwolves)
Al Jeff isn’t the coolest due out there, no fresh kicks and no mid-calf socks, but he is a beast on the court. He is undersized height wise, but his Kevin Love like girth helps him hold his own. He is putting up 23 & 10 so far this season for one of the worst teams in the league, the Timberwolves, who for some insane reason decided to change uniforms this season even though the had some of the best ones last year. They also have Kevin McHale running everything and traded O.J. Mayo for Kevin Love (who I actually like too, outlet pass!). Al is the only really good player they have right now and they have a lot of young guys with some potential: Corey Brewer, Randy Foye, & K-Love. Not a bunch of cool big guys roaming around the NBA, there are some weirdos like Robert Swift, but there aren’t actually a grip of talented & cool ones. Al takes the role for now.
Center: Sun Tzu Stoudemire (Pheonix Suns)
Officially, without a doubt in my mind, the absolute coolest player of all in the NBA, first let’s start with the nick name: "Sun Tzu,'' Stoudemire said. "His motto is, the way he prepares for battle, he uses deception. So, like, let's say we go out to play a game, right, and the New Jersey Nets say Amaré can't go to his left; he's going to go right. But I know what they're thinking, that I'm going to go right. So I go left… because I'm a master of deception.” Amazing. Perfect. Cool. Second, the brief stint of Antoine Carr Oakley sunglass looking goggles. If he had kept them for the rest of the season or like suggested the rest of his career, I wouldn’t know what to do because it would be so fucking awesome. Thirdly, Sun Tzu, unlike the trend to go to the Ray-hawk full Mohawk thing that Rudy Gay got, stuck with the convention hip hop Mohawk getting it on his birthday and keeping him looking fresh. Fourthly, he continues, as always, to rock the freshest shoes and keeps his socks at the perfect height, sometimes even wearing two pairs of long ones to ensure that they look good. Lastly, maybe most importantly he is an abslute beast on the basketball court. He, along with LeBron, is superhuman. He gets up so quickly and dunks so viciously and always finishes and never gets blocked and never misses a lob and looks so ridiculously awesome dunking on anyone and everyone. He can take it to the basket and dunk on Jeff Foster, he can shoot the mid range j a little too, if he worked on his 3-ball supposedly he could hit that with consistency. He is a good free throw shooter, far better than Dwight Howard, and just amazes me every time I see a highlight or game because he is amazingly, disgustingly good. He is without a doubt in the LeBron, Kobe, D-Wade, CP3, Top 5 discussion and probably doesn’t get enough notoriety for it. Him & Chris Bosh as free agents in 2010 should be interesting along with that other dude that the Knicks threw away two seasons to maybe get even though they were doing exponentially better than last season with Mikey D coaching.

Rays & Phils, Yay!

2008-10-24T12:48:00.001-07:00

I hate Matt Garza. I hate the Rays stupid mohawks. Wow, so awesome when everyone on your team gets them even your manager, Joe Maddon. Grow some playoff beards. I hate that the World Series is featuring the Tampa Bay Rays & Philadelphia Phillies. I hate the Rays. I don’t want Philadelphia to win a championship in any sport, so I’m torn. Who’s going to win? The Rays. Psycho Matt Garza versus Jamie Moyer is the match up for Game 3 & 7 (if necessary!), shouldn’t even be close. The Rays destroyed Tim Wakefield knuckleballs at Fenway. The Rays are going to destroy Jamie Moyer little league fastballs in Citizens Bank Park where Ryan Howard hits 30 pop-ups to left field that end up being home runs a year.
I didn’t watch Game 1 or 2, not because I’m not over the Red Sox losing, but because I don’t care. Or because I’m not staying up till 5 AM to watch them in Scotland. Each team has cool players. B.J. Upton & Evan Longoria look like they are going to be the best players ever for the next million years and David Price too. B.J. Upton’s stupid mohawk however is exceptionally terrible as is Carl Crawford’s. Shane Victorino is the man and does everything well. Chase Utley said “Boo, fuck you!” to New York Yankees fans at the All-Star Game. That is CJ-Raw’s favorite clip. Weirdest thing about the Rays besides everyone thinking Joe Maddon is the greatest manager ever even though he sucks, is the Rocco Baldelli and Gabe Gross right fielding situation. Rocco can only sprint four times a game, but is infinitely better than Gabe Gross who did everything he could to help the Red Sox win the best comeback like ever, Game 5 of course. Rocco of course killed the Red Sox in Game 4 & 7, and fielded fly balls hit to him. Anyways, Rays & Phillies, don’t care. Don’t care that Jimmy Rollins leaves 11 guys on a game. The only way I’m watching a game is if the Phillies have a chance to win the series and waiting for the celebration and the slight chance manager Charlie Manuel (pictured) tries to chest bump someone else.
Am I bitter about the Red Sox? Sort of because I hate the Rays a lot right now, but they just didn’t have the same feel this year, they weren’t really good. Like the Phillies, the Sox weren’t good. They didn’t even have a good series. Josh Beckett & David Ortiz hurt, Manny clearly gone, this years team was so weird and sooooo different. Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, & Jon Lester were the big three this year. The Angels & Rays were better teams really.

Bill Walker already has two YouTube worthy clips and it is only the pre-season!!!!! Posterizing Theo & Fighting T-Mac

No One On The Corner Has Swagga Like These Cool Cats

2008-10-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

Too many cool things are happening. I can’t keep up, I’m overwhelmed with cool. I need a solution and I’ve found it. Write more often! I hypocritically called out my blog contributors for not writing enough last time I posted, which was pointed out to me by loyal All-Cool Team reader So Moto. So how can I not write about the Lil Wayne blog, the MLB Playoffs, Amaré Stoudemire, The Hills & Entourage, Fernando Torres and the cool new running backs in the NFL? I got to! Unfortunately, this post can’t be four million words long so I will have to somewhat quickly comment on the coolest shit happening as of late. And for now I sort of promise to write more often because I probably should, on to the cool…
First off, what are you wearing and put your sunglasses back on. ESPN The Magazine was doing a feature on what songs baseball players come up to the plate to and with “Lollipop” being one of the most popular songs, ESPN asked Lil Weezy for his thoughts. Weezy talked about how “Lollipop” was a stadium song and how cool it is to hear it in a MLB stadium. During the same interview, supposedly he asked ESPN if he could write a blog for them and they said “YES!” quicker than Lamar Odom did when asked to be in that Linkin Park & Busta Rhymes music video. It’s a brilliant idea, the most popular rapper in the whole world writing a sports blog even though everyone thinks he is high and/or drunk at all times of the day. Imagine what the drafts that he sends into ESPN look like? I really want to read them so bad. Anyways, the version we get to read is still terrific as Weezy claims the only thing he watches on his 60+ televisions in his studio is sports, even tennis and the NHL. He, like myself, loves every cool player in sports – Manny Ramirez, Rafael Nadal, Sidney Crosby – but makes up some bullshit reason why he likes them not just that they are really cool. On the music side, in the words of former contributor Kael Kristof, T.I.’s Paper Trail is three million times better than Tha Carter III. I probably wouldn’t go that far as I listened to Tha Carter III far too much this summer, but nonetheless Paper Trail is so sick bro! If you follow my status updates you know I think very highly of his song with Usher “My Life Your Entertainment” and see it as comparable to “Love In This Club” and expect it to be played at every spring semester party ever, Kael’s room or Dom’s Lounge. The only complaint I have about the album, as everyone in the world probably does, is how can you make a song that samples “Paper Planes” with Kanye, Wayne, & Jay-Z on it, and have the product be the most annoying song ever?!? Swagga on a hundred, thousand, trillion!!! See you in Glasgow Kanye!
The NFL season isn’t quite going how I pictured it. Not enough Randy Moss touchdown celebrations, not enough Ocho Cinco, and too much Kerry Collins & Gus Frerotte. Although this season is so weird, it has produced many new cool players dominating the league. Fuck Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer & LT (not that any of the three were ever cool, maybe LT was when he went to TCU because he went to TCU and a Horn Frog was his mascot), it’s now all about Brandon Marshall, Adrian Peterson & Aaron Rodgers. Cool powder blue LT jersey Trygg, he is only every Patriots fan least favorite player! Aaron Rodgers, Jay Cutler & Eli Manning are the best quarterbacks in the league, maybe Phillip Rivers & Romo too, but I absolutely hate him forever along with every Charger. Brandon Marshall is the coolest receiver ever, he catches 15 balls every game for 150+ yards, got ticketed for an illegal lane change & got suspended, what’s not to like? Ronnie Brown even though he comically single-handedly destroyed the Patriots at Gillette is so much better and cooler than LT now. The Dolphins ran the option in the NFL and it worked perfectly, too bad CP10 is still the Dolphins quarterback and Greg Camarillo is their best receiver or they actually would be really good. I also love Reggie Bush, Marshawn Lynch’s gold teeth and… Adrian Peterson, who is the best-dressed NFL player off the field and he rocks his fresh purple knee-high socks with the calf-high white ones over them on the field, better than anyone on his team. He is really strong, he has a great barber and he beat his Dad’s friends in footraces when he was 8 years old. And he is kind of good at running the football too even though Gus Frerotte, his QB, has to throw it to Sidney Rice & Bernard Berrian.
The NBA Season is rapidly approaching and don’t worry the 2008-2009 All-Cool Team roster will be unveiled soon. One thing is for certain, the captain of last year’s squad, Amaré Stoudemire, will absolutely for sure 100% no doubt return as captain and starting center. Amaré will rock the Antonio Carr goggles this entire season and possibly for the rest of career because he somehow tore his right iris. Turns out it spilled all over the floor, then Steve Nash slipped on it and Raja Bell threw up, but Leandro Barbosa continued to play on and scored on a break-away with left handed lay up. Before this crazy accident, which never would have happened if Mike D’Antoni was still coach, Amaré appeared on the most random Nickelodeon television show that airs at like 3 AM or something. Here is the best link the NBA has ever seen, courtesy of Louis Frank’s wall posted by Mohammad Ali Qasim, who often posts great links on Biff’s wall, so maybe I should friend MAQ, so I can get some exclusive clips too.
I watch a lot of television shows too. I was once quoted as saying I am happiest when I am watching television while lying down in my bed. Anyways, two of my fav shows – The Hills & Entourage – are having fabulous seasons. There is more drama than ever packed into each episode on The Hills. Spencer fighting Heidi’s entire family, Lauren & Audrina dating every member of Brody’s crew all at the same time and then yelling at them about it, which causes the guys to go crazy and end up in jail for the night. Justin Bobby got a haircut and Lo still only has one friend in the entire world. Whitney is still somehow interested in Lauren’s life reacting with things like “Oh reeeaallllyy…” and saying “Doug? Oh yeah I rememberrr Doug” and “Have you and Audrina talked yet?” Entourage this season started terrifically with Vince having an amazing beard and then there was an entire episode dedicated to eating mushrooms at Joshua Tree. The J-Tree episode was my favorite one ever mainly because E was the best he has ever been and didn’t talk for the entire episode, instead writing things like “my mouth won’t talk” on his notepad. Also Showtime has another good show besides Weeds, and it is Californication. You should watch all of Season 1 soon because Season 2 just started yo!

Don't Let Me Down Matt

2008-09-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

One week of NFL is complete and what a terrible week it was. I anticipated writing a triumphant opening column after a Patriot dismantling of the weak Kansas City Chiefs. I anticipated writing about the return of the unstoppable offense that carried last years Patriots to an undefeated regular season and went on vay-cay during the playoffs. Instead, I am writing about Matt Cassel. For the past couple seasons there has been worry about what if Tom Brady gets injured and Patriot fans have always laughed at that happening. This season, however, it seemed a more prevalent issue. This is probably because of Brady’s performance in the Super Bowl and the fact he didn’t take a snap in an ugly Patriot preseason. Or that ever since he has been a national media figure, because of Gisele or wearing the boot in New York, nothing good has happened. He’s been more Matt Leinart than Joe Montana the past 7 or so months. Something about the whole situation felt weird. The Patriots took a quarterback out of San Diego State in the third round. I watched more Matt Cassel plays and stories than I ever wanted to. There was no talk about who was even going to start at the cornerback position, it was all about the quarterbacks and we had the best in the game’s history! Something bad was going to happen. And after a first quarter Bernard Pollard helmet shot to Brady’s knee, something really bad really happened. Matt Cassel is the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots this Sunday against Brett Favre’s Jets.
Maybe it happened because I added a “Tom Brady is hot” Bumper Sticker to my Facebook profile. Maybe it happened because Billy Yates didn’t hold his block long enough causing Brady to step up into the Pollard shot. Maybe… maybe the Patriots aren’t that bad off! It has only been one week, but the other AFC favorites – San Diego, Indianapolis, and Jacksonville – all lost and to Carolina, Chicago, and Tennessee, respectively. They didn’t lose to teams like Dallas or Pittsburg, but to second tier teams. The Patriots AFC East rival, the Jets, who look like they might benefit most from the torn ACL, struggled against the Chad Pennington led Dolphins. CP10 had a completely new playbook to learn too, even if he knew exactly what the Jets were running! I’m not saying I’m not worried, because I am, but I am optimistic. The AFC doesn’t really scare me. The Bills looked good, but I can’t get too worked up about Buffalo. The Patriots after all do have the easiest schedule in the NFL, with the upcoming three games all being very winnable – at NYJ, MIA, at SF. Brady is the last person the Patriots could have afforded to lose and he is gone for the season. It undoubtedly will be different getting used to losing a couple of games during the regular season. Maybe that is a good thing with how last year worked out. Mo Lewis knocking out Drew Bledsoe didn’t look very good either and the 2001 Patriots didn’t have the likes of Randy Moss and Adalius Thomas.
Lastly, Dwayne Bowe: keep dropping game-tying touchdown passes in the fourth quarter and never ever imitate Randy Moss’ touchdown celebration ever again!
And I removed my contributors Chis, Biff, and Kael, because you didn't write enough lately or Biff ever and summer is over and I doubt you will write anything when you are in a different country or an Ivy League school. But, I kept my favorite post from each of you up.

Favre Packs & Delivers Like UPS Trucks

2008-08-10T15:48:00.000-07:00

Yes. I believe in destiny. And not surprisingly for the exact same reasons as Red Sox and Pride & Prejudice fans, both of whom endured an extensive period (maybe more so for Bostonians) of anguish, brutality, and sheer disappointment before being lavishly rewarded for their faithfulness by a championship and a marriage, respectively. Boston came back from three down to stun the Yankees en route to a World Series victory for the same reason that Elizabeth Bennet eventually ties the knot with Mr. Darcy: it was inevitable; bound to happen. Quite simply, it was pure fate. And now I suddenly realize why I’ve had to helplessly endure each and every fruitless season the New York Jets have produced since I became a fan back in 1997: the whole time I was suffering, pleading and praying for a run at the Super Bowl year after year, I was unknowingly being prepped for the arrival of something unimaginable, unfathomable. Something that would change the course of the Jets for now, and for seasons to come. Something real, and something good. Really good. Something called Brett Favre.

Last night amid a conversation with an acquaintance of mine about study abroad, I suddenly felt the brusque, subtle vibratory pulses emanating from the cell phone in my right pocket. Not to be impolite and to keep the conversation flowing, I dexterously slid my mobile out just enough so I could quickly glance down and see who was calling me. It was one of my friends from high school who I’d been meaning to call back… it could wait. I ignored it and slipped it back into the coffer of my pocket. Almost immediately after the buzzing ceased, it picked up again, only this one was short-lived suggesting that I had just received a text message. And, like any American, that couldn’t wait. I excused myself from the exchange of words to examine the message. It was from Justin and it read: “Brett Favre OMG!”

Well before I found myself at the turning point of my career as a New York Jets fan that day, all I had read or heard about that morning was that a move to Tampa Bay was imminent for Favre. “Tampa Bay?” I thought. “Arguably the NFL’s most boring franchise that has left a permanent stain on my fanhood in engineering the worst Super Bowl I ever watched? Don’t they still have Keyshawn, Warrick Dunn, and Mike Alstott? Wait… Brad Johnson, too! How will Favre fit in?!?!?” As the day rolled on, so did SportsCenter… and so did the Favre saga. Hour by hour flew by, with a deal to the Bucs going unreported. Suddenly, Chris Mortensen got on the tube, and said that the Jets were also in the running (!!!!!!). What if? I mean, could it really happen?
Then, almost as quickly as Mortensen had revealed the latest news, a bidding war was triggered by the Packers for Favre’s services: Bucs vs. Jets; Pillaging Pirates vs. Paper Planes. It was like I had more records than the KGB, and all I wanted to tell the Jets front office was: No funny business.

It was late in the evening when I last checked SportsCenter as well as SI.com, whose Peter King reported that the Jets had taken the lead in the bidding war. If this was going to happen though, I thought, it probably wouldn’t go down until the morning… so I headed out. Then, just hours later, I received Justin’s text message… but what did it mean? He was probably just letting me know that he couldn’t believe the Jets had entered the Favre sweepstakes, and had chosen to convey his sentiments in this manner. Shortly after reading the message though, the other friend who had called moments before left me a voicemail… who just so happened to be another Jets fan. I could feel the endorphins firing off inside my brain… what if? Could it really happen? Did it really happen?!?!?!
YES!!!!!! It did!!!!!!!! I called Justin back and he told me the most inconceivable, most life-changing (for a sports fan of course), most seemingly positive news I had heard since JD Van Rossum woke me up from my nap on our JV Basketball team’s way back home on a bus to inform me that A-Rod had been dealt to the Yankees (we all know how that one turned out which is why I say seemingly positive). In a summer plagued by way too much free time, a thoughtless younger brother who listens to even worse music than I do and boarding the friendship with one too many girls, the acquisition of Brett Favre into my life certainly helped, and it was an incredibly euphoric moment. And understandably, I was all smiles. The laser-armed Mississippian who I had admired my entire life had landed with the Jets.I ran into the apartment where my friends were to joyfully announce the news. I got a ton of “No way!”s, and even more jaw-drops, for, as I realized in that moment, nobody actually thought Favre would leave Green Bay, let alone go to New York’s secondary team. But there he was, and that’s all that mattered to me.
In the days that followed, I watched as Gang Green said goodbye to the fragile Chad Pennington (whose career I did in fact appreciate, just not the $65 I wasted on his jersey), and welcomed in one of football’s greatest legends. I called friends, searched online for a new Jets QB jersey, and even made the bearded star of the Wrangler jean commercials my default pick on Facebook, which resulted in numerous posts to my wall, most of them strung with feelings of indifference in that Favre was too old to make a difference; a sarcastic, “Have fun” would have sufficed.This is the bottom line: I really could not care less about what everyone else thinks about Favre coming to the Jets. After all, most of them are Patriots fans anyway, who adamantly believe that had the Packers beaten the Giants in last year’s NFC title game, New England would have intercepted Favre eleven times en route to a Super Bowl victory and the perfect season. Now we’ll get to see if they can do that… twice a year. Now listen. I’m not saying the Jets are going to beat the Patriots twice… or once… or at all for that matter. I’m not saying that Favre is the missing piece to a team that had already been significantly revamped and upgraded. And I’m not saying that the Jets are going to win the Super Bowl, let alone make the playoffs. I’m just saying that the New York Jets are better now with Brett Favre than they were before without Brett Favre. And while the Yankees struggle, the Knicks continue to debate what to do with Marbury, Randolph, Curry, etc., the Rangers try to figure out how to get out of the second round, the Giants scream in horror when they find out that Eli Manning is still their quarterback and not whoever that was who led them to a perfect postseason, and the Red Bulls continue to get kicked in the teeth by FC Barcelona, the Jets are now the most talked-about team in New York because of one man.

My favorite football team is relevant again. And that’s good enough for me.

USA Basketball Liveblogging

2008-08-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

The USA versus China Olympic Basketball Game is going to be one of the most watched basketball games of all time, so why not at 10 EST in the morning live blog it. There are over a billion people in China and roughly 20,000 people in Watertown, Massachusetts, so there are going to be mad viewers.
President Bush and President Hu are in attendance and as I begin writing four minutes have passed in the first quarter with China leading 11-9. The game started with a Yao Ming 3-pointer and China has continued to shoot well from outside. Dwight Howard and LeBron have been outstanding for the US with Howard getting the US on the scoreboard with a vicious dunk over Yao. LeBron is taking it to the basket and finishing difficult shots and just pinned the ball on a fast break, too. Kobe looks weak, as he has hit the side of the backboard and gotten blocked by Yao already. Jason Kidd has been subbed for already, thankfully, as I trust Chris Paul and a very good Deron Williams to carry the US at the point. Another thing of note, the announces are Mike Breen and Doug Collins – who is wearing very ugly prescription sunglasses inside – instead of the two ridiculous dudes that were commentating the tune up games. Too bad we won’t hear that dude say things like “sick, dude, sexy, baby, etc.”
Chen Jianghua breaks down the US team impressively, getting to the basket and now a Wang Zhu Zhu appearance. Yi Jianlin has been disappointing so far as he has done nothing and the US on defense keep hacking and going for every possible steal ever. The game has been exciting so far with a tie score of 16-16 although we know Chris Adams-Wall isn’t watching as he hates it and is probably watching “21” the movie about counting cards in preparation for his 21st birthday!!
The first quarter has come to a close with the US leading 20-16 and the last minute was quite entertaining with Yi trying to draw a foul on Howard and ending up throwing the ball way out of bounds, but China somehow getting the ball back on a weird call. Carmelo Anthony grabbed a board with one hand and brought it in and yelled, “Ooooooohhhh!!!” even though no one was competing for it with him. And there was a shot of LeBron on the bench biting his nails like he for some reason always does.
US leads 31-29 halfway through the second quarter, I had to take a typing break so I could eat some breakfast man. Some more meaningless things I observed, Yi Jianlin looks putrid getting destroyed on both ends, Nets fans are pumped if there are any! LeBron is proving he is the best player in the world as he has made another spectacular play by blocking a Chen Jianghua shot with two hands and then throwing a Kevin Love outlet pass to Dwyane Wade for the dunk on the other end. Kobe made his first significant play by dunking on some dude with two hands after earlier in the quarter saving a ball on the China end and giving them a lay-up. China is hitting everything from 3 keeping them in the game, maybe the US should contest at least a couple of these shots.
Wow! a magnificent sequence, Jason Kidd with a one handed long pass to Wade who threw up a lob to LeBron, who of course finished on a dude and got the foul, then proceeding to miss the free throw. The US is so bad at free throws as mainly Howard and LeBron seem to be taking them, that’s a problem. The US has quickly extended the lead to 13 points with a minute or so left in the half, scoring mainly on transition buckets. US leads at the half 49-37, and the China team Hyperdunk shoes are all red and quite ugly, weird that every country has the same shoes and tight fitting jerseys. Nike is dominating the world, and Dwight Howard is on the outside as he is the only non-Nike member of the US team and he gets no notoriety because of it. Howard is the best big man on the planet and played pretty much the entire first half, shutting down Yao, and gets no love because he rocks Adidas. I guess that makes sense as Adidas sucks newayz.
I am going to listen to “Green Light” by John Legend featuring Andre 3000 and “Lost!” & “Lost?” by Coldplay on repeat throughout halftime. Then I am going to make “Lost?!?!?!?...” on GarageBand. And eff the Netherlands for scoring a goal in the 93rd minute on a lucky but sick free kick!
It’s the second half baby! Yi Jianlin is 1-8 from the floor now and the one is a put back dunk on a missed Yao Ming 3-pointer over Carmelo Anthony. Now Dwight Howard got blocked on a fast break, what is going on?!? LeBron barrels through the lane and dunks, he is mad good yo, believe dat! A very boring third quarter is over with the score 74-48 , US ahead. China only scored 11 points this quarter and saw Yao Ming go down with an ankle injury, not really that good for China or the Rockets! Dwyane Wade has 19 points on 7/7 shooting and 5/5 from the free throw line, that’s cool. The US can’t hit open 3’s especially Kobe and that could serve as a problem later on, Redd hasn’t played much at all, but this game is pretty much O.V.A. I got my mojo back baby, oh behave!
I stopped watching in the fourth quarter, I got bored and browsed the Internet instead. The US probably wins by thirty or so, but I saw this Sonic commercial last night and thought it was extremely funny. Peace friends and just because I’m losing doesn’t mean I’m lost!!

Move Out July!

2008-07-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

The month of July is coming to a close and it truly has been a wonderful month. Firstly, The All-Cool Team has welcomed three very worthy, very funny contributors, providing great reading material and banter. In the sports world July has been one full of trades, tattoos, and threats of going to Europe to play basketball. But, most importantly there have been two ridiculously crazy YouTube clips provided by the sports world. And outside the sports world there has been monumentally cool shit too, namely the Joker. There is a lot to talk about in this monthly wrap up so I will try and keep each segment short and kind of funny.

The two best clips of the sports year I would argue both happened in July, these clips of course being the WNBA Brawl in Detroit!! and the Minor League Fight. For the first ever WNBA Brawl to happen in The Palace of Auburn Hills where of course the NBA hate-maker brawl occurred is beyond humorous. The brawl had everything you could ever want. The fight was so on point Biff!! It had big big big and bad Rick Mahorn touching Lisa Leslie with his ring finger and her going flying across the court, leading to a post game interview where she said something along the lines of, "I am a mother and a role model. I don't want kids seeing me fight out there, and why did he push my anyways?" After Mahorn made her fall over, Lisa Leslie's Sparks teammate had her back and decided to throw a punch at Mahorn who didn't feel shit because he is so huge. Adding to the hilarity is the Shock player who tried to hold off her teammate from fighting ended up injuring herself. This was probably the best thing ever to happen to the WNBA and YouTube viewers appreciated it, yet the best clip of the month comes from a Minor League Baseball game. After two opposing managers were arguing about something the pitcher for the Cubs affiliate shoots into the picture out of nowhere and winds up to hurl the baseball at the other teams dugout. That is like the worst thing ever in the world to do, except for the fact that it missed the dugout completely and hit a father in the stands who brought his wife and two kids to the game. WTF is wrong with this pitchers brain, and how is he supposed to make it to the big leagues as the strike zone is a Tad Stebbins smaller than the dugout!!!! This is probably the worse thing ever that could happen at a baseball game besides going into the stands to fight, what an id!! He does look so funny though coming out of nowhere and winding up and then being instantly tackled by the other team.
I loved the NBA trade that went down today between the Sacramento Queens and Houston Rockets. Both teams absolutely benefit from this deal, as the oldest team besides the Spurs realized their shots at the title are dwindling and need to go for the NBA Championship soon, too bad the Celtics are so good!!! Newayz, the Rockets got a phenomenal defender and overrated offensive player who shoots too many mid-range jumpers. The Rockets didn't give up much that was going to help them this or next season so I think it was brilliant move and they are a legitimate contender, plus the Lake Show didn't get Artest! But, for the Kings who I kind of like, I think this is an outstanding move. They have a fabulous young core and a terrible coach. They got rid of someone that wasn't going to take them anywhere and can look forward to watching Beno Udrih, Kevin Martin, Spencer Hawes (who looks mobile and can shoot better than I thought), Jason Thompson, Quincy Douby, and Donte Greene grow. Not to mention they have 2 draft picks next year and will get a couple more before 2010 when they have enough cap space for one of the following hitting free agency: LeBron, D-Wade, and Melo. They likely won't grab one of the big 3, but there are other great talents available that year like Rudy Gay. The Gay-Douby era isn't as cool as the Gay-Love era. Nonetheless, I clearly love the trade.
BRIANNN DEEEEEGAN! Like Chris I absolutely love that ad even though that Darth Vader dude is so weird. Hey did you hear, SportsCenter is going live and some 23 year old who stumbles on his lines every commercial has something to do with it?!? I just wanted to mention how could anyone be excited for the X-Games when they last from Thursday to Sunday?!? How can extreme sports have only one event a year where all their crappy sports come together collectively and compete(?) and have it last four days? Sure they have like specific skateboarding events and the other ones during the year, but this is supposed to be big time when they are supposed to draw in fans of actual sports, and it lasts four days. How is your season four days? It is actually probably too many, got 'em! BRIANNN DEEEEEEGAN!
The Boston Red Sox have sucked in every big series this summer, so essentially they suck. The three biggest series probably have been the one in Tampa Bay (swept), the Yankees at home (1 of 3), and the Angels one now at home after getting swept in Anaheim of Los Angeles of California of the United States of America of Chone Figgins (0 for 2 with an almost no hitter and facing Joe Saunders tonight). They have been embarrassing and what sucks is that they are perfect on paper except basically at short stop. They have hitting, pitching, a pretty good bullpen, and some of the best defensive outfielders and a tight manager. They can't do much at the deadline except for the obvious and trade Manny Ramirez, which I would hate I am pretty sure. There are rumors about talks with Philadelphia, but what are we going to get in return, no Ryan Howard or Chase Utley or Jimmy Rollins so why do it, and we certainly don't need anymore prospects as our bullpen is full of them. I really want Jimmy Rollins though wow that'd be so sick! How could we trade Manny, I'd be fine with letting him go next after the year, but there isn't a fair deal out there now. We need his bat and we need his coolness. He is the coolest player probably ever in Boston. He has dreds that have been growing for centuries, he dekes base runners and somehow throws them out from left field, he lies down on baseballs in play, he high fives fans mid play, he doesn't hustle down the first base line, he pees and talks on cell phones during pitching changes, he legitimately thinks he has a shot at the Gold Glove this year, he carries Poland Springs bottles in his back pocket, and he says the most ridiculous things to the media although he refuses to talk to them. That was a long list of cool and I don't want him gone. David Ortiz has been gone most of the year, but that should be perfect as he is rested and healthy. But, it all depends on whether Big Papi has Manny batting behind him. They are the best 3-4 combo and when the Sox get hot they are hard to beat. I think they are near impossible to beat in the playoffs, but I can't be certain they are going to make it the way they have been playing in big series this year. Jon Lester is sooooo good BTdubs.
Lastly, my fav topic to talk about, USA Basketball!! Although the game with Canada wasn't the most exciting thing ever there was plenty of cool things we can pull out of it. The fourth quarter was sick and Chris Paul had a killer move in the third I believe. The jerseys are so detailed and cool and tight and make LeBron look like the strongest man ever. I like the white names on the white jerseys with the detailing on the back. The most interesting stylish related thing is Dwyane Wade being bald, the reason he is doing it, not a fashion statement, but because he is afraid of getting his haircut in Beijing. Interestingly enough both Gary Payton and Vince Carter did the same thing in Sydney and had afro's for the same reason. That is why Vince has hair when he dunks over that dude. Lastly Deron Williams has a beard, which is tight, but he is already losing his hair, which is really weird, and Jason Kidd just isn't that pleasant to look at, ew. Peace out alfalfa sprout!

I Will Make This Blog Disappear

2008-07-22T15:47:00.001-07:00

Because Justin finally hyped me in a blog entry it’s time for me to return the favor and hype him and also contribute to the blog because it has needed me so badly. I’m glad that Justin decided to invite me, but it was inevitable, because I rock ironic urban attire like G-Unit sneakers & Wu-Tang t-shirts and most if not all of my clothing/lifestyle choices are on point, from my awesome white 2001 Sebring convertible to my cool gelatin iPod case. Also Kael you rejected my friend request on Facebook which makes you an asshole and makes you the sixth man on the All-Uncool Team (AUT), which I am currently in the process of assembling. Kael is pretty much the James Posey of the AUT, which is a perfect segue into what I want to first address in this my first weblog entry.

The Celtics recently lost the coolest and most talented player in NBA history, James Posey, when he signed a 75-year $650 billion contract with the New Orleans Jenero Pargos. Everything that Posey did was on point, from the way he rocked his green NBA headband inside-out to the fact that 98% of his shots were 3-pointers, 97% of which went in. He also played lockdown defense on Kobe Bryant in the NBA Finals and was actually more valuable to the team than Paul Pierce and Ray Allen during some stretches of the postseason. And lastly of course the coolest thing ever was James’s green and white mouth-guard. Only the coolest NBA players wear mouth guards (LEBRON!!!!!!) and James was THE coolest NBA player so he wore one obs. Although he will be 65 when his contract runs out and it probably made sense for the Celtics not to overpay for his services, I am still sad that he had to leave. I can only hope that JR Giddens and Bill Walker’s knees can replace Posey’s production and coolness in the Celtics’ rotation, but I seriously doubt it. If the Celtics don’t defend their title next year it will be because Posey wasn’t there to hit elephantiasis of the testicles 3-pointers and play Bruce Bowen-esque defense and rock his cool mouth guard.

My four favorite things on earth are sports, Justin Timberlake, pizza, and Erin Andrews wearing make-up and a dress, so I’ve been searching for years to find a way to combine all of these things into one night, when I discovered that HOLY SHIT THE ESPYS WERE ON SUNDAY!!!!!!! I ordered a sweet pizza from Front Row, poured myself a pitcher of water, and sat down to watch what I was hoping would be the greatest thing of all time. Unfortunately it sucked more than anything on earth and I almost vomited my awesome pizza out of embarrassment because the writing was so bad and it was sad watching my main man JT trying to make the lame jokes funny. Although Erin was on point in her black dress and obviously the Celtics repped Titletown hard by winning the Oscar for “Best Team,” the whole thing sucked. Between the Giants winning every award—including “Best Picture,” “Best Album,” and “Best Kiss”—and Justin singing lame songs and making awkward jokes about stupid Brett Favre and Paul Pierce’s gang signs, the whole show was a colossal disappointment. Also, why do they record it on Tuesday and then air it on a Sunday? You would think that ESPN would be cooler/classier than a lame stunt like this. Overall, the show sucked, but I did enjoy my pizza from Front Row as well as Erin Andrews’s awkward sexual tension with JT during their interview.

Onto the AUT, which currently has two members: Kael and Stupid Brett Favre. I’m tired of hearing about Brett on ESPN and other news channels, and the fact that he did an interview on FOX NEWS (!?!?!?!?!??!?!) makes him an even bigger tool and currently makes him the MVP of the AUT, although Kael is giving him a run for his money (omg jk). I hate it when they have a “FAVRE” section of the Bottomline on ESPN and it says something like “Favre still considering coming out of retirement.” I wish Brett would just lay in the cut and write a reinstatement letter to Sheriff Roger Goodell instead of going on FOX NEWZ (!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?) and talking shit about a team that obviously doesn’t want him back because he’s old and lost them the NFC Championship Game and because they have Ryan Grant who ran for 6,000 yards in 4 games last season. Also Brett does those stupid Wrangler commercials where he’s throwing a football to his dog or some shit. I don’t really know because they’re dumb and he’s dumb and I wish he would just go away or stop doing interviews with second-rate cable news channels. Thanks Brett!!!!!!

If you saw “The Dark Knight” then you’re allowed to read this paragraph, and if you didn’t then you’re also allowed to read this paragraph but don’t get mad at me when I ruin the movie for you (I probably don’t have anything to worry about because I saw the movie with the only two people who read this blog so yay!!!!). I’m not going to beat around the bush: The Joker—fictional though he may be—is the coolest motherfucker on the planet. Everything about him exudes cool and is on-point, from his dope custom clothes that don’t have tags to his badass ways of killing people. I’ve never seen a cooler scene in a movie than the part in “The Dark Knight” when the Joker says he’ll make the pencil disappear and then pounds Big Boi’s dude’s head onto the table and HOLY SHIT THE PENCIL GOES INTO HIS HEAD AND KILLS HIM OMG OMG OMG!!!!! I pooped at that moment in the movie but obviously couldn’t leave the theater to change my pants because the movie was so awesome and I had to watch the whole thing. Also the Joker somehow never dies despite being railed in the head like 50 times throughout the movie, which only adds to his mystique and coolness.
Peace easy homiez. That’s what I’m burning on. Until then, I’m out.

United We Rise

2008-07-22T14:23:00.000-07:00

I cannot express how excited I am for Olympic Basketball. I lot of friends have displayed their lack of interest in the Olympics overall, but I am assured once they get going people will be super pumped. The popular non-basketball events and people like that 41 year old non-steroid using hopefully woman swimmer and Michael Phelps are gr8 stories and track will be sort of interesting I guess too. I, of course, am just really interested in watching the best players in the United States of America except for Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett and Amare Stoudemire play for the gold in Beijing, look how many dots you place in a row when you write out Beijing, three, that is so cool, I don't know many other words that are like that! How could I not be excited for the coolness of watching Chris Paul, LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwight Howard all gracing the floor at the same time and for something meaningful? There are other NBA stars playing for other countries like Chris Kaman and Dirk Nowitzki for Germany, Manu Ginobli for Argentina, and the Gasol Brothers and Ricky Rubio (18 year old version of Pistol Pete), among others for Spain. Peep the Wikipedia page for schedules of the games because I am going to try and watch as many as I can. The USA Team has a exhibition game this Friday on ESPN against Canada a huge basketball super-powerhouse seeing Steve Nash isn't playing even. I am very confident in this USA Team to return to the top of Olympic Basketball, as they are an actual team that has played together for three years now and work well together. Carmelo Anthony loves International Basketball as he always plays very well, and has plenty of help offensively and defensively. Kobe will instill defense in this team and Dwight Howard will protect the rim because he is a freak. The major concern of course is the lack of big men as Chris Bosh and Carlos Boozer are the back up 4 and 5 players. The NBA Summer League has been alright with Jerryd Bayless absolutely dominating and Kevin Love getting double doubles every game to go with his perfect outlet passes and chin strap beard. The Olympics though is going to be so much better and so fricking cool, I am so excity!! Oh yeah I didn't even mention Dwyane Wade, the sixth man, he is kinda good too!!

Summertime is all about music and there have been plenty of albums out there that have not disappointed. Summer jams provide great joy to us listeners as we cruise with the windows down to the beach or the golf course or to movie theatres to see The Dark Knight. So it is my responisibility to inform you of the summer albums and tracks that have kept me feeling cool and those that suck. It probably isn't possible to talk about an album during the Summer of 2008 and not first mention Tha Carter III. Lil Wayne's highly anticipated album is amazing. Everyone breathing has heard of him by now and probably is quoting something he has said on the album. The tracks I am bumping in my Jeep Cherokee are absolutely every single one. I really think that "Mr. Carter" featuring Jay-Z and "Nothin' On Me" featuring Juelz & Fabo are both probably some of the greatest contributions to hip hop. Fabo has a whole verse about italian food and Pimp My Ride!!! "Phone Home" is so weird as is "La La" but they are both so good! Really every track is good, Wayne impressed. Of course it is a little disappointing the radio has worn out some Wayne songs like "Mr. Carter" and that my 10 year old sister is annoyed of hearing him on every song, despite barely knowing him. Other than Weezy F. other albums I really like are The Cool Kids debut hip hop album "Bake Sale," GirlTalk's "Feed The Animals," and Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" is pretty amazing too as there isn't really a bad track on it either. Hip-hop is essential to the summertime, but more so are great pop songs so lets talk about Jesse McCartney and Natasha Bettingfeild. How could you not want to spend all day listening to "Leaving" and "Pocketfull of Sunshine" because I absolutely do? With the fabulous pop songs of course come the not so much, and the not so much is actually an absolutely never ever and the song is "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry. How is this a top the iTunes Top Songs daily? It is the worst shit ever and I don't want my sister listening to this, but it is unavoidable as it is constantly playing. I want to punch the song everytime I hear it and will settle for yelling at someone who thinks they are funny when they play it on their iPod. Oh yeah, also be on the lookout for Lou Frank aka Biff aka Lou-Z aka LouDogg's debut album that may be called "Inside Joke" that shit is going to be so on point especially the one track "Get Money" featuring yours truly. In the meantime peep his MySpace and listen to "99 Problems".

Lastly, some things that are on my mind:
"You look good tonight girl" is something KG hopefully said to Erin Andrews at the ESPY's because well she did.
How excited am I for Brett Favre's retirement speech next year and why not sit on the sidelines for $14 million at this point?
The overseas trend for NBA players is very interesting as Carlos Delfino and Juan Carlos Navarro have already bolted and maybe even Josh Childress. This is crazy and probs scary for the NBA as overseas leagues can offer more money because the dollar is mad strong right now and the fact that Euro players don't have to pay taxes like with American contracts. Is it something that more and more players are going to do wil be interesting to watch, especially after Brandon Jennings decided to skip college.

Here are a few YouTube links that both show my love for the New York Knickerbockers and Yao Ming: Zach Randolph Shooting With 7 Seconds Left On The Shot Clock, Steph's Reaction Last Year To The Randolph Trade, and Yao Ming Staring Down Q-Ross

Trying to Rebound After Getting Dumped

2008-07-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

WTF?! How much will he regret that tat when they get divorced? Having hundreds of channels on cable should go down as one of the greatest ideas ever. Without it, I would not be able to watch the NBA Summer League in Las Vegas and then change to MTV Jams and see the NEW LL COOL J song! That would have never happened to me in the 90s. If you guys didn’t know that LL still makes music and have an interest in what he could possibly contribute to the “art form” of rap music at this point, his song is featuring The-Dream, and I guarantee it’s easy to get drunk to.

I honestly think that’s the new business model for rap music: make your songs so bad that they make people just want to get fucked up. If I dropped out of school and just listened to rap music all day (especially the rap played on MTV Jams), I think I’d forget how to read within a week. With that said, Lil Wayne is tight and wears super bright red pants in his music videos. He also has probably killed over half his brain cells doing drugs and his flow is so sick it’s like his shit is dying. PS I think that an All-Cool Team of Rap is needed in the near future. I’ll see what I can do if J-Scrilla doesn’t beat me to it. PPS Buttahman on MTV Jams is honestly the ugliest human being on earth. It actually saddens me that MTV would try to get an ugly, un-entertaining person and try to dress him up fly and see if people like him. Doesn’t do it for me.

Ok, so that’s that shit like R.Kelly. Next topic for conversation: I need a new NBA team. Mine moved to Oklahoma City, and I need a new one to root for. I’m not going to touch on Mr. Bennett and David Stern and Oklahoma (who would want to live there over Seattle?! Durant is pissed). Anyways, Kev’s signature shoe was boo boo and Johan Petro is their starting center. But, as an avid NBA fan, who watches NBA Summer League games over the Home Run Derby, which Justin evidently enjoys, I need that “rebound team” after getting dumped by the Sonics. Many people think that all us Seattleites will just move on to Portland, because it’s so close to us. Couldn’t be less true. Portland is stacked with young talent and probably has the most people on their squad whose jerseys I would love to rock (Petteri Koponen is #1, naturally), plus they have players from Seattle on their team (Brandon Roy and Martell Webster)… but I just don’t think I can call them my new favorite team after rooting so passionately against them for my entire life.

I’m tempted to choose Memphis because they’re the most likely team to move to Seattle within the next 5 years, and OJ Mayo is flyer than Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice. But they’re poorly run and I refuse to choose a new favorite team that’s worse than my old one. So, after much thought, (random question: why is Barry Bonds in David Banner’s new music video?) my finalists are the Celtics and the Hornets. I almost threw Cleveland in there but Cleveland sucks and there’s no way Lebron would not change teams in two years. The business and advertising opportunities available in bigger markets/moving away from fucking Cleveland will end up being way too tempting. The Warriors lost Baron. The Clips lost Elton and Corey. The Heat suck and have Shawn Marion, who would rather lose than win, I’m convinced (even though D-Wade is one of my Fave Five players in the league and Beasely is cool and left-handed). The Raptors (Jermaine and Christopher Bosh?!) and the Wizards (crazy Gilbert and crazier DeShawn) are tight, but not in the echelon of the Celts and Hornets.

Not to be too bandwagon by picking the Celtics at this point, but they have tight players (no way?). Ray Ray has a sort of nice shot, plus he was in a sick Jordan commercial immediately after Game 6. Props. KG is intense and doesn’t sleep. Paul Pierce is the least cool of the big 3 in terms of likeability, but his game is amazing because it doesn’t seem like he should be able to score ever; he has limited athleticism and actually looks like he’s never lifted a weight ever cuz he has no definition in his arms. Then you have Leon Powe, who is the new Paul Millsap. You’ve got Brian Scalabrine, who was the least cool player ever until he got interviewed after they won and was clearly garbage faced. JR Giddens and William Walker are sick and Rondo is legit. Perk is pretty ugly, but Eddie House’s neck tattoo, jump shots, and son are sick. Pose is probably not coming back though, because analysts say that he will be signed by…

New Orleans! Two words: CHRIS PAUL! Add Peja’s comb over, Tyson being a bean stalk, Mo Pete being a tight lefty, and David West being super-talented and no longer under-rated after he shit on the Spurs. Stir in Byron Scott being a pretty tight head coach and Julian Wright doing cool athletic things in his 6 minutes per game… plus they play in the hometown of Weezy. Plus, CHRIS PAUL. Chris Paul is my favorite player in the league by far. He can do no wrong, no homo. His handle is wicked nice, he thoroughly enjoys throwing incredible lobs to Tyson, and he single-handedly makes his team one of the best in the West because he makes his teammates so much better. Plus, he’s going to tear shit up on the Olympic Team hopefully so we don’t lose to fucking like Macedonia or Scotland or any other country on this planet because last time I checked, we have all NBA players and no one else does (yet another topic up for discussion at a later point). Plus, he’s a legitimately good person. I have no personal evidence of this, but that’s what I hear.

So, the real question is, if the Celtics played the Hornets for the NBA championship, who would I root for? And the answer is: CHRIS PAUL! I hope New Orleans beats the shit out of Oklahoma City every fucking game for the rest of eternity, and that Chris Paul takes a huge shit and has quadruple doubles on their court. Also, I hope OKC fans root for N’awlins over their new team because the Hornets played there first. Fuck Oklahoma City. Go Chris Paul. Celtics, you’re cool but you already got your title. And you can have Justin as your fan. And you have Bill Simmons. And 17 championships. To Clay Bennett, thanks for dumping me with your shit-ass team (that has really tight young players). Good riddance. I’m sooooooooooooo over you. I have a new favorite team! Go Hornets!

Welcome Chris!!

2008-07-14T19:12:00.000-07:00

Chris, could not be happier that you are a fellow contributer to The All-Cool Team, which in your honor has been renamed to include "feat. Knick n' Flicka." Loved your post and can't wait to battle with you forever and ever. Can't believe how ridiculous your post looks right now as I watch Josh Hamilton absolutely destroy baseballs and am loving every second of it. How could this be an overrated event as there are so many good stories even before the event began? The story of Josh Hamilton and the fact that he could win a Triple Crown and has a Legion batting practice old dude throwing to him. Or Ryan Braun having his agent throw BP! And Erin Andrews! 28 home runs! I was at the '99 Derby sitting in right field watching McGwire crush home runs into the light towers because well you know he was on steroids. Josh Hamilton isn't I don't think and he made Yankee Stadium look like it had a really short porch in right field! Oh, it does?
Secondly, it was very disappointing that you wrote about Brett Favre! It is my least favorite story ever and who cares where he goes, unless he does end up backing up Aaron Rodgers, which he will because this is Aaron Rodgers last year under contract and the Packers have to let him play at least a year. Run-on sentences, yum! And you said that you would talk on the subject briefly! You are right though, he has absolutely hurt the perception we have of him, except the fact he threw the most ridiculous interceptions ever and at the worst times is something I will always remember.

Finally, love you got your soccer in there, it is nice to have someone knowledgeable touch on the fascinating subject of European football. I'll bring the cool aspect and say Ronaldinho is a baller as he is sick at Fifa and in the game too, he partied nights before World Cup games! and he has that sick fake ad where he juggled soccer balls off the crossbar repeatedly. Also, hated your cool guy Alex Rodriguez because he is A-Rod and ended his marriage for MADONNA, who the fuck is attracted to Madonna nemore?!?!? The real cool people of the day, O.J. Mayo, for dunking on Hilton Armstrong in the NBA Summer League (YouTube it!) and Brandon Jennings for having the coolest hair ever - like honestly probably the best in the world - and the fact that he isn't going to college and instead will ball in Europe and make money. He tattooed "Young Money" on his back, too! And thank you to CBS for firing 97 year old Billy Packer!

Elton, I Am So Mad At You!

2008-07-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

Oh fuck you Elton Brand! I mean what the fuck, everyone was rooting for you and the Clippers to actually do the right thing and you sign with the Philadelphia 76ers. Fuck you man! I mean sure you are looking out for you and your family by taking more money than the Clippers offered and now actually have a chance to make it somewhat far in the playoffs because you are in the Eastern Conference. Selfish. Who would ever want to win more and make more money? You hurt all of the die-hard Clipper fans out there by leading them on man. But seriously, as a pseudo-Clipper fan this is very disappointing news. The only die-hard Clipper fan alive is Frankie Muniz, and I bet he was so excited about the possibility of overthrowing the Lakers as the kings of Los Angeles. Brand was offered $75 million by the Clips over five years, only $7 million less than the Sixers offered, and there are reports that the Clippers were ready to bump it up to $81 million. He convinced the Clippers to sign Baron Davis as he offered to take a pay cut to make it happen because he was so inspired by watching the Celtics win with superstars. Brand and agent David Falk screwed everything up and gave a big F U to the Clippers organization who got burned again and burned badly. What are they supposed to do now, sign and overpay Josh Smith? They are a fairly logical organization at the moment as they correctly let Corey Maggette walk and get overpaid by the Warriors and made the right move in drafting Eric Gordon. Things were looking so promising!! If Brand signed with the Clippers I would argue next season that the Clippers would be better than the 76ers are going to be with him next season. He was simply scared of the Western Conference and sees the possibility of the 76ers in a couple years overthrowing the Boston Celtics with the young talents of Thaddeus Young, Andre Iguodola, and Louis Williams. But to do this for $1 to $7 million extra, after getting Baron to Los Angeles and saying he planned to resign with the Clippers, that's turrible. Elton Brand threw a curve ball showing that the NBA Off-season never fails to disappoint, unlike some other things during summer, like ESPN’s SportsCenter.
If you watch SportsCenter and you should if you read this blog, you realize that during the summertime they come up with idiotic gimmicks. Last year it was “Who’s Now?” which got laughed at by every single viewer because SportsCenter poppin’ and everything stoppin’. This summer it is their segment “Titletown,” where they have terrible anchors like Wendy Nix travel to Tennessee and do a short story why Knoxville is the best/most successful/I-don’t-know-what city in the United States. Firstly, this is insane as everyone in the country knows it is Boston as you can extend its success like they do in the segment beyond professional teams to college sports and say look at BC/BU Hockey it is so good and BC Football is alright because Doug Flutie threw that hail-mary. I had to watch Roy Williams talk about the UNC Basketball, Baseball, Football and Women’s Soccer teams, even though the only good ones are Basketball and Women’s Soccer. It’s stupid, how could they possibly be a contender for Titletown when their professional basketball team is the Charlotte Bobcats?!?!?!?!? But the Carolina Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup?!?!?!? No one cares, and they didn’t even mention it! Who is going to vote for a Titletown that is not Boston or not their closest city? Unless of course you vote for Seattle and all those titles they have won.

Lastly, my World Series prediction is the Chicago Cubs and Titletown Red Sox squaring off in a epic battle. The Red Sox for the first time this decade won’t sweep their National League counterpart, but will win the series in 5 games and for the first time, in Boston because the NL will beat the AL in the All-Star Game. The NL has every good pitcher and they just picked up two of the best from the AL this week, Rich Harden and CC “don’t put those periods in there” Sabathia. The best pitchers in the AL are Justin Duchscherer, Cliff Lee, and Joe Saunders, who? The AL is in trouble yo, as the NL has pitchers I recognize as aces like Dan Haren, S.I. Cover Boy Tim Lincecum, Ben Sheets, and my boy Edinson Volquez!!

NBA Off-Season In Full Effect

2008-07-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

Summertime for sports isn't that exciting, as sports fans just witnessed the best NBA season since MJ, a terrific NCAA Basketball Tournament with Davidson and Super Mario Chalmers' miracle shot, and a stupid effing Superbowl that was exciting for everyone in the country not from the best sports city. The Stanley Cup was pretty cool and Euro 2008 was great, but baseball sucks, it is so boring and long now. I guess it always has been, but with spectacular seasons in other sports it shows you truly how awful baseball is. I don't even care the Tampa Bay Rays just swept the Red Sox because the Red Sox will be there in October for sure. Imagine if the NBA was going on during summertime, it would be the best thing ever. You could watch TNT or ESPN or Celtics games every day of the week, and actually watch SportsCenter Top 10 because now it is full of the same diving catches by no name outfielders. Olympic Basketball is something to look forward to too, and as of this week the NBA Off-season has been entertaining.

I LOVE that my favorite NBA superstar Baron Davis is going to the Clippers and Brand is supposedly taking a pay cut to play with him, although Brand was just offered a huge contract by the Golden State Warriors. If Brand takes that he will go against everything he has said, that he was inspired by the Big Three and wanted a big name player alongside him so the Clippers could compete. The West is going to be so amazing again next season, look at the starting five for the Clippers, Chris Kaman (a favorite of mine), Elton Brand, Al Thornton, Cuttino Mobley, and Baron Davis, and coming off the bench Eric Gordon and Shaun Livingston's knee. There are so many legitimate teams: the Lakers, Spurs, Hornets, Mavs (not big on them), Jazz, Clippers, Trail Blazers, Rockets, Suns, Nuggets, Warriors (sort of). There are only four teams that as of right now have no shot at the playoffs: the Oklahoma City Sonics, Kings, O.J. Mayo's Grizzlies, and the very young talented T-Wolves Baron Davis is a superstar and will compete with Kobe for LA Headlines and I love it, because Baron is the coolest flyest dude ever rocking The Hundreds gear and geek glasses and seemingly being everywhere the camera is in Los Angeles. I got my BoomDizzle Clippers jersey in the mail yo!

With Mario Chamlers and DeAndre Jordan left on the board, the Celtics chose New Mexico small forward J.R. Giddens, a transfer from Kansas. I think J.R. is a James Posey prototype and hopefully Pose stays around long enough to show J.R. the ropes. Doc and Danny chose J.R. because of his defensive abilities they saw in person and on tape. He is super athletic and definitely will be able to score the basketball, but he is going to be a defensive stopper. The Celtics also got Billy Walker, Michael Beasley's sidekick at Kansas State. Bill was also O.J.'s sidekick throughout AAU and high school ball and was a vicious dunker. He had knee surgery his freshman year of high school and I believe in college too, and just had some this week after being drafted. So, clearly he has knee problems, but it is a terrific chance to take. He is undersized at 6'6, but has the chance to be one of the amazing athletes in this league and he can also shoot the ball. He had a couple big shooting nights this past year in college and could be a very solid offensive threat off the bench and be an energy guy.

All-Cool Euro 2008 Roster

2008-06-30T16:01:00.001-07:00

I loved Euro 2008 and many other Americans did too. It was every bit as exciting as the 2006 World Cup, probably more so, and I am sad to see it go. I was so inspired I decided to create my own All-Cool Euro 2008 lineup even though I hardly know anything about soccer. I even decided to put my own naïve twist on soccer formations as I have the intriguing 2-4-1-3 line up. Of course there aren’t that many cool defenders and everyone loves the players that score, so I created a lineup that reflected that. Without further ado, here is my attempt to commentate on soccer.

Goalie (1):
Petr Cech (Czech Republic) - Normally a great keeper, however, Petr during Euro 2008 was quite atrocious. In the game versus Turkey, Petr has seven saves yet let the ball slip out of his hands on a Turkey cross leading to an easy goal. Turkey was the Comback Kids of the tournament with aid definitely from Petr, but we don’t care about that. The reason why Petr is on this team is because of his headgear. He looks ridiculous and ridiculously cool. If you were a goalie and were allowed to wear one ridiculous thing you would choose that. I forget why he is wearing it, but he is notorious for wearing it. It is something like he banged his head in the post, got kicked in the head, or took a shot to the head or something serious like that, but the reason isn’t that important. Casillas was the keeper of the tournament, but he can’t compete with Petr looking so fly in goal.

Defenders (2):
Sergio Ramos (Spain) - Definitely my favorite player of Euro 2008. I love everything about him, from his long hair don't care with the Nike thin headband to the tattoos that him and teammate El Nino rock on their forearms. He is a pretty good defender I guess too, the German offense particularly Podolski did nothing in the final game. Ramos is cool in that he is runs up and down the pitch trying to score goals too. I don't believe he had any in Euro 2008, but nonetheless he was by far the coolest defender and probably is the coolest in the world. He took off his jersey and put on a t-shirt with someone’s face on it for the celebration which was kind of weird, but whatever he has a hot girlfriend and he is pretty good-looking himself, nh.
Philip Lahm (Germany) - I really didn't like Germany that much, but Lahm was a very interesting player to follow. Andy Gray ripped on him during the later stages off the tournament for poor defending and he was undoubtedly responsible for getting beasted by Torres for the championship game's only goal. Germany had a lot of defensive errors in the game it seemed, trying to do offsides traps that once led to a wide open Ramos header that he couldn't finish past the weakest keeper of all time. Lahm sat out the entire second half of the final game even though they needed his offense. In the semi-final against Turkey, a great game except for the fact we didn't get to see two of the five goals, Lahm absolutely broke a Turkey midfielders ankles then dumped it off only to get it back and bury it in the net for the game winning goal. Sick move, terrible defender, but defnse doesn't make you cool, offense ad scoring goals does.

Midfielders (4):
Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany) – Bastian Schweinsteiger became a favorite of SportsCenter anchors because of his sick name, but the duo he formed with Podolski providing great goals and his bleached Mohawk put him on this team. BS had two goals and two assists overall, but did the most damage in the big victory over Portugal where he had a goal and two assists. Here is a quote about BS, “He has been accused of allowing his arrogance to boil over at times, a glamour boy who likes to let those around him know about it.” Can’t fault him for that, who wouldn’t be cocky when they have a bleach blond Mohawk? His set pieces in the final game were pretty terrible and always too high, and his poor play hurt the German offense so much yo. The only reason he is on this team is because the goals he scored were tight, but really his hair sucks, he sucks, and he should keep up his late-night partying that German fans are so worried about.
Franck Ribery (France) – France disappointingly went 0-2-1 in Euro 2008, and Franck sprained his ankle in a loss to Italy. Franck established himself as a g in the World Cup and is the best player in all of France, and would have done damage in the tournament if his team wasn’t old and shitty or if less cool teams like Russia and Crotia made it so far. Franck’s scar is where it’s at and I can’t say anything else cool about him because he got hurt.
Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal) – Portugal unfortunately also got eliminated early and lost to Germany of all teams. The game was extremely thrilling, yet Cristiano was a little disappointing in the tournament. He provided great highlights in the Champions League Final, but only had one good game in Euro 2008 against the Petr Czech Republic. Cristiano is on this team for obvious reasons, as he is the best player in the world, maybe the most recognizable athlete in the world, and he is really really good at soccer. We love the things he can do on the pitch and all the photos all over the internet that try to make him appear gay. Whatever, Cristiano for sure doesn’t care and why should he when he sets trends with his hair and makes mad paper stacks.
Cesc Fábregas (Spain) – Fábregas of the Euro 2008 championship team Spain provided the assist in the final game and continually got the ball to Torres to allow El Nino to create offense for Spain. Who doesn’t love Spain’s counter attack abilities and they have many great midfielders with Xavi winning player of the tournament. Iniesta was really good to even though he refused to shoot with his left foot and instead would try to bring the ball back to his right and slow up the break, causing me to get very angry with him. Cesc Fábregas has a great name and is a great player as he had a goal and FOUR assists in the tournament. He looks like he could be on The Sopranos and is an excellent passer of the ball.

Forwards (1):
Ruud van Nistelrooy (Netherlands) Ruud, what a weird name for a dude! Ruud's sick Netherlands squad didn't make it very far in Euro 2008, but they definitely provided some great goals and dominated the early stages of the tourney. The absolute best goal of the the tournament was when Ruud saved the ball from going out of bounds by doing a spin move crazy shit then laid it off to his homeboy Robben creating a counter attack for an eventual van Piersie goal on a sick cross.

Strikers (3):
Fernando Torres (Spain) – El Nino was so disappointing in the games leading up to the final because he was so fucking cool and did great things just couldn’t score for some reason. The final game of Euro 2008 came and Torres is now a legend. He had a goal in an early game against Sweeden, but had 5 shots and no goals against Russia in the semi-finals. They won anyways luckily for Torres because he dominated Germany, with an unbelievable finish, shoving Lahm out of the way and then flipping it over the worst keeper in the game for the games only goal. Torres out-ran and out-hustled every German defender and created tons of opportunities for his team and it was fascinating to watch. He has great forearm tattoos and looks like something I can’t quite put my finger on, like a cross on some type of dog and a ginger kid or something. He has some long hair don’t care and made sure he fixed in up before receiving his medal. People would congratulate El Nino and he was like yo I got to fix my hair man I am going to be on television. Love Torres and will be a soccer legend in my book forever eva.
Lukas Podolski (Germany) – Lukas had three goals in Euro 2008 and has a cannon of a left foot. I liked him in the World Cup in 2006 and is one of the few likeable players on the German team in Euro 2008. He puts the ball in the net and puts up with Ballacks shit and Schweinsteiger’s hair. He made up for Klose who sucked in Euro 2008 and had a bunch of goals early in the tournament and assists in the later stages. He is normal looking and rocks some baggy soccer shorts, he looks fresh and plays fresh.
Colin Kazim-Richards (Turkey) Had to have at least one Turkey player on the team and Kazim Kazim had a fresh line up with a fresh part and was by far the coolest normal looking Turkey player. “The Lifeguard” Semih Senturk was pretty cool himself as he was the best Turkish player scoring three goals and bringing his team back a couple times. Kazim Kazim has a great name however, didn’t score any goals but rocketed one off the woodwork, barely made the team but played significant minutes and had a good game against Germany. Big up Kazim Kazim.

First Round Draft Notes & Thoughts

2008-06-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

==> Eric Gordon’s suit was the worst by far as it was just dumb and shiny and his dress shirt was black and white with vertical stripes and a white collar. He does have a great shooting stroke though that probably won’t even come close the helping the Clippers.
==> How does Jeff Van Gundy think that Stephon Marbury is still a very good point guard in the NBA?
==> Why are the Team Draft hats so ugly? Why not just follow the 80’s trend and go back to the Starter hats?
==> Joe Alexander sounded really funny and wants to bring toughness and can’t wait to get to Milwaukee? His pants looked oversized too.
==> The preview for Pineapple Express looked amazing and I am excited for that and Wanted with Angelina Jolie that shit looks dope too, ya dig?
==> Brook Lopez looks funny with his haircut and probably even funnier now that the Bobacats just chose D.J. Augustine when they already have Raymond Felton. It looks like Brook Lopez is crying right now, wow. The Nets did draft him at number 10, and his brother, Robin, is infinitely cooler and funnier. I started laughing out loud when Brook started speaking and just spit all over my computer. I’m not even going to mention the Lopez brother infatuation with Walt Disney and Michael Jackson, oops.
==> Jared Bayless feels he can play any position, really?
==> Jason Thompson just went 17 picks too early, and will form an unstoppable duo with Spencer Hawes (jkjkjkjk). Why not trade down to get him later? Jeff Van Gundy has faith in the Kings draft scouts, who selected Spencer Hawes last year, and Quincy Douby and Francisco Garcia the two years prior to that.
==> Props to Candance Parker as this week she had more dunks in two games, two, than her husband to be, Shelden Williams, has had in his entire NBA career. The amazing thing isn’t that women are dunking now; it is that someone in the world would marry Shelden Williams.
==> The Trailblazers are going to be the Western Conference Champions for the rest of the millennium as they make smart picks like Brandon Rush and have so much amazing young talent.
==> Anthony Randolph looks like he is 12 ½ years old, even though he is 6’10 sub 200 pounds, “painfully thin” according to Jay Bilas. Going to fit well with Patrick O’Bryant and Brandan Wright as the same exact player filling three roster slots.
==> The members of the Lopez family are the stars of the NBA Draft as the Mom just scared everyone watching, and Robin is actually really awesomely cool and hopefully will be better than Varejao and be cool on the Suns. And they just did a “Wired” segment with Brook Lopez, OMG!!
==> First trade during the draft so far between the Blazers and Pacers, Bayless and Brandon Roy in the back court could be dangerous! Western Conference Champions 2009-2999! Oh shit they just lost Josh McRoberts, fuck! Western Conference Champions 2009-2998!
==> Stuart Scott has said 47 times that the Pac-10 is supposedly not a basketball conference, who has said that Stuart this past year, anyone?!?!?
==> The Nets have Devin Harris, Vince Carter, Yi Jianlin, Brook Lopez, Ryan Anderson, and cap room for 2010 so they can get LeBron James!
==> Kosta Koufos is going to the Utah Jazz!!!!! Mehmet Okur is already there though!!!!!
==> At this point no teams have even worked out Darrell Arthur and teams have guaranteed spots to players like the Magic and Courtney Lee, sucks to be him, oh wait he is going to make paper stacks because he is going to the NBA.
==> Damien Wilkins is a key reserve for the ________ Super Sonics and Johan Petro is the starting center, but Russell Westbrook is tight and they just drafted Serge Ibaka!! The future is now in __________.
==> George Hill now of the Spurs is in shape as in shape can get according to Stuart Scott even though he went to IUPUI and no one as ever heard of Hill before this moment except Chad Ford who had him going in the second round.
==> Brandon Roy, Martell Webster, Jared Bayless, Darrell Arthur’s kidney, Lamarcus Aldridge, Greg Oden, Travis Outlaw, Sergio Rodriguez, UH OH!!!!!!!
==> J.R. Giddens needs to improve his “Professionalism,” I don’t think that will be an issue as he will be a Posey prototype with the same build, shooting ability, but much better athleticism.

The Future of Cool

2008-06-26T18:05:00.001-07:00

One of the greatest days of the year is undoubtedly NBA Draft Day. It is upon us and it will never fail to disappoint. Some of my favorite things about the draft are the suits of the players and when players absolutely do not answer the question asked to them. I am writing just before the draft and already Derrick Rose was asked if the Chicago Bulls told him he was getting picked as reported and he gave the same answer that he was excited to possibly in Chicago. The NBA Draft is a showcase of future coolness to grace the NBA and set trends for fans across the globe. Instead of providing a mock draft or anything regular like that I will provide my thoughts of the five coolest players in the lottery. They are the future of cool and it starts now with the suits they are rocking, their reactions to getting drafted, and the answers they give in interviews after being selected. I am so excited for this draft, the Chicago Bulls are on the clock, but I will provide my five coolest players ranked from coolest to cool of the lottery players after pick fourteen is announced.

Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo: O.J. was absolutely killin’ at the NBA Draft with by far the best style with everything absolutely on point from his brown and cream colored shoes to his beard and glasses. A perfect suit and vest combo, matched with his sick dress shirt and tie, much love Ovinton. O.J. tops the cool chart with his style and game combo. I loved O.J. at USC where he clearly accepted tons of cash because he always had the freshest kicks and now he has a couple designer suits. He very easily could be the best player in the draft if he improves his shot selection, but whatever it is cool to fire away from long range at anytime I guess. He is athletic and has the potential to be a sick point guard and defender. I hope he stays with the Timberwolves because I think it is funny how cold and miserable he might be, but also I can’t wait to get a Mayo jersey because the T-Wolves jersey is fresh. They have some great young talent with Corey Brewer, Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, Rashad McCants, Craig Smith, and Michael Doleac (jkjkjkjk).

Michael Beasley: B-Easy went number two in the draft to the Miami Heat and was looking fresh. His Kansas State purple tie was on point and he had a nice suit and dress shirt. Every fan loves a player that has “character issues” and I loved hearing about all of them that could potentially have caused him to slip past number two. He went to six high schools in five different states, spray painted graffiti on his principal’s car, and was a notorious prankster at Kansas State with his teammates and media. He has YouTube clips of media interviews in which he repeatedly acts fascinated by iPod’s placed on the table to record him. I love B-Easy, would have taken him number one even though he doesn’t really play defense and is kind of small. I am not sold on him as a small forward, but nonetheless he scores the basketball and will do so in the NBA.

Danilo Gallinari: I thought there was no way I would ever have Gallinari on my cool list, but how could I refuse to add someone nicknamed “The Rooster” and has his own Reebok shoes coming out. He answered every question from Steven A. Smith by saying I like to win, even though the fans of his new team were outrageously booing him. He has game similar to someone I know well as he is a lanky man that can shoot, drive the ball to the basket, and doesn’t necessarily love playing defense. I mean look at his hair, he is destined to save the New York Knickerbockers.

Kevin Love: Going to the Griz at number five and Kevin Love is pretty cool. Although his chin strap beard isn’t a favorite of mine, he always has it nicely lined up and his suit was pretty nice tonight too. Kev won me over with a great PTI interview the day before the draft, he answers questions actually and gives good cool answers. He is fat and slow, although he has built up while losing 15 pounds. He will be no Sean May because May I don’t think can dunk anymore. Kev does so many smart things on the court and somehow against more athletic players puts up great numbers. Projected to possibly be a flop, but I don’t think Kevin Love will let that happen.

Jason Thompson: Who? How did he go 15+ picks ahead of where he was supposed to go? He isn’t even there! What are the Kings thinking? Random players are always cool in my book and he is going to be starting next season because he is going to absolutely beast Mikki Moore, Brad Miller, Shelden Williams, Lorenzen Wright, and Spencer Hawes all day every day, and actually bring toughness to the Kings who practically no one cares about or is actually a fan of. On one web site he is projected to be at best the next Mark Blount, that sucks. He went to Rider which no one has ever heard of, because Isiah “J.R.” Rider founded it. I really think he will actually be kind of good, but he is the surprise of the draft so far, by far.

Some Closure as the Lakers got Rondo'd!

2008-06-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

The Boston Celtics are the 2008 NBA World Champions due mainly to a Game 6 total team effort, but as Phil Jackson will tell you Rajon Rondo was the star of the game. Jackson's best coaching in the series came in his Kobe roaming off Rondo scheme early in Games 3, 4, 5. This worked extremely well in Los Angeles with the Lakers getting off to great starts in Game 4 and 5 because the Celtics couldn't do anything offensively. The scheme did not work however in Boston, where Rondo feels comfortable attacking the basket and shooting his jumper, and he torched the Lakers throughout Game 6. He started off slow missing some layups and open jumpers, but to his credit and Doc Rivers', Rondo kept at it. When Rondo is playing well the Celtics are literally unstoppable and they proved that as they had one of their best team efforts of the playoffs. Rondo does so much for the Celtics, sky for rebounds, creates offense, pesters the defense coming up with numerous steals, and a lot more. When he wasn't playing well, the Celtics had to heavily rely on House and unfortunately Cassell. House is terrific off the bench playing the role he did last night of knocking down open 3's, but he can't play point guard for an entire second half like he was asked to in Game 5. A super effort from Rondo and give him credit for persevering because the Celtics needed it, as he helped deliver Banner 17. I am all about the stats in Game 6's dominating Celtics performance and here is the first:
Rajon Rondo: 21 points, 8 assists, 7 rebounds, 6 steals, 1 turnover

The reason why the Celtics are huddling around the Larry O’Brien trophy is shown by these stats (all in Celtics favor): Rebounds (48-29), Offensive Rebounds (14-2), Assists (33-16), Steals (18-4), Blocks (4-0), Turnovers (7-19), every Celtics player had a positive +/- and every Laker had a negative +/-

Total domination in a terrifically played four quarters by the Boston Celtics, as the Big 3 all showed up with Rondo, Perk, and the real "Bench Mob". Starting with Ray who rediscovered his stroke this series and made the Lakers and specifically Sasha Vag-e-itch pay, who played absolutely no defense. Game 3 Sasha let Ray blow by him and then sulked and in Game 6 let him hit 3 after 3, letting Ray rack up 7 three pointers. Unbelievable. Kevin Garnett showed us that "Anything is Possible" as he actually had a good game in the playoffs, dominating the first half offensively and anchoring a stifling four quarters of defense. KG set the tone of the game shoving Pau out of the way and laying the ball up on an early first quarter fast break. KG also delivered an amazing post game interview with Michelle Tafoya as he pulled off a brim low all I can see is the flo and closed it out by, for the second time these playoffs, saying, “you look good girl.” He screamed and cried and thanked every city ever in the world and his moms and it was amazing. He made up for getting snubbed by Stuart Scott who interviewed Paul and Ray during the celebration, but not Kevin. Speaking of Paul, Celtics fans could not be happier for any athlete ever. He struggled putting the ball in the basket early, but was creating offense, finishing with 17 points and 10 assists. He provided moment after moment in this series and in Game 6 drenched the coach he despised last year in orange Gatorade, something never done before in the NBA, it was cool. Paul has suffered through so many terrible Celtics teams and for him to win it at home, as the clear Finals and playoff MVP, was amazing to witness first hand. He was giddy on the sidelines during the last four minutes and was yelling at the top of his lungs when he received those two trophies. I first off didn’t think the Perk injury would hurt the Celtics that much, but his presence in Game 6 was huge. He picked up both defensive and offensive rebounds, beat up on Gasol and defended, blocked the shit out of Lamar Odom then got a lay up on the other end. Although he provided some amazing entertainment in street clothes sitting next to the coaches in his crazy outfit and insane fucking watch during Game 5 (I had a picture but it didn’t give a great shot of the watch).

Probably one of my all time favorite photos, I liked Kobe coming in to the series, but liked even more the fans chants of “You’re not Jordan!” which he clearly is not. Started of hot with 3’s then relied on them too much later on, and went on another huge field goal drought. It was an inexcusable performance by the regular season MVP and leader of the Lakers. He let them get blown out, along with awful coaching from the Zen master throughout the series. Kobe had 22 points, 11 in the first quarter, but HAD AS MANY ASSISTS AS HE HAD FOULS, AND HE ONLY HAD 1 FOUL! He disappointed me clearly with his post-game outfits although they were fine by the end of the series and put on his most dramatic “I’m a good guy” performances to the media as well. "Kobe ain't jack without Shaq!" The Lakers and their fans are excited for next year as they could be, but Andrew Bynum is not going to solve their numerous problems and he isn’t going to stop Chris Paul either. The Lakers play no defense and have some huge issues at small forward as Vlad Radmanovic or Luke Walton are clearly not the answer. The Lakers are solid with Fisher, Farmar, Vujacic, Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, and maybe Turiaf, but beyond that they have serious issues. Lamar was a huge disappointment and their bigs are still soft, and they can't defend the pick and roll at all. One player I do like on the Lakers a lot, Trevor Ariza. He has a huge neck tattoo and wears his NBA socks really well. He also had the new Nike Huarache's which he rocked at home, and has super hops can play a little D and will occasionally knock down an open jumper.
I said the previous photo was one of my favorites, only to be outdone by this one; here is my present to you my 10 readers…
I did attend Game 6 and had the time of my life. The streets and bars before the game were filled with people in green and they weren't even going to the game. Inside the TD Banknorth Garden was rocking, much more so than Staples I imagine. All of us Celtics fans in attendance got to witness our NBA team win the championship at home, which was pretty fucking cool. With that said, the amazing 2008 NBA Playoffs coming to a close, the All-Cool Team must go in a new direction, but never fear as there are plenty of topics to cover. Look forward to thoughts on the NBA Draft, the inevitable trade of Carmelo Anthony and potentially other super stars, maybe a little Red Sox and the amazing J.D. Drew!, as well as some cool mother fuckers like Baron Davis and Lil Wayne. The Boston Celtics are NBA WORLD CHAMPIONS!!! Peace!!!

Thanks For The Appearance Chris Mihm!

2008-06-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

Despite being miserably disappointed in firstly Kevin Garnett and secondly the Celtics being unable to close out the NBA Finals in Los Angeles, there was one bright side to Game 5, Chris Mihm. Phil Jackson put out the most random line up of all time at the start of the second quarter with “L.O.” as the only starter along side the Bench Mob and Chris Mihm. Mihm has been looking so nice on the bench with his beard, some kid in high school once asked me if anyone had ever told me I looked like Chris Mihm, it was unbelievable to see him on the floor. Doc Rivers countered Jackson’s rando line up with one that included Tony Allen, who basically hasn’t played since December against the Lakers in the regular season. Mihm was phenomenal in his three or so minutes, fouling Pierce a couple times, providing nothing offensively, and handing the ball to Tony Allen on an inbounds pass. Honestly, what could L.O. and Mihm be pounding about in this picture?!?
Quick thoughts on the Celtics: Rondo very unfortunately has no confidence this series as Kobe taunts him to shoot wide open jumpers. This has led to two horribly slow starts by the Celtics. Hopefully in Boston he attacks the basket and makes floaters and actually shoots wide open lay ups. If not expect House and Cassell to play a lot of minutes again. Garnett was putrid and some of the foul calls were too, but on some of them why is he even reaching in there with no Perkins available? Hit a big jumper in the fourth but went 1-4 from the line at the end of the game and missed two routine tip backs. He played like a pussy. Inexcusable. Pierce is a man and I hope he didn’t get too worn out from playing essentially the whole game. I hope the Ray Allen off court issues don’t affect his play. The Celtics look like the better team right now, they need a bench player to step up, but who knows what Kobe can pull off in Boston.
Oh shit I can't believe I almost forgot. Kobe undoubtedly reads this blog as his post-game suit was up to par. No Windsor Knot yet, but one step at a time. No black dress shirt and the suit didn't look like graph paper. Also he brought his two daughters to the press conference, oh he is so sweet and caring and a nice guy. Oh wait he is the biggest asshole teammate like ever. NEWAYZ, Paul Pierce's suit did not look very good after the game as his collar was really bad and his tie and suit just weren't that nice. Too bad he dropped 38 points on the Lakers and single handedly kept the Celtics in the game and got fouled by Kobe on the game changing steal to dunk play, whatevs.

I Am Happier Than You

2008-06-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

Before we get into a Celtics love fest, no homo, let's talk about the best player in the NBA (no not Eddie House), Kobe Bryant. We can talk about his ZERO field goals or his tremendous leadership abilities Curt Shilling highlighted, but let's take a different path. Firstly, how gr8 was it to see Paul D him up the entire second half and block his turn-around J, Kobe haters must have loved it. I am not one, I loved watching him take over games throughout the regular season and playoffs (except Game 3 of course) and believe him to be a brilliant passer and finisher. I do however hate his looks after he gets called for a foul and his arm flailing when he tries to get bailed out going to the basket. I hate the perception that he is a good guy from his press conferences, even though everyone reads his lips during games and can only imagine what he says all the other times. HOWEVER (Steven A. voice), I hate his post-game press conference attire more than anything. ZOMFG DOES IT ANGER ME!! He wore another black dress shirt, this time with no god-awful tie, but instead wearing the ugliest shittiest coat I have ever seen in my life. He would have looked better if he got a math geek to create a coat out of graph paper for him. It was absolutely atrocious, more so than the things he was saying in the press conference. He answered the first question posed to him regarding how he and the Lakers would come back from this, by saying drinking WINE, BEER AND 20 SHOTS!!! YOU ARE THE CRAZIEST MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WHAT THE F DOES THAT MEAN?!?!? He proceeded to give insane answers like "We wet the bed, one that you couldn't prevent with a bath towel" or something to that nature. He made no sense kept moving his mouth and eyes around weirdly. HE IS PSYCHOTIC! He gave the weirdest press conference in the ugliest attire of all time I have ever seen and did it after a colossal 24 point collapse .

Ray Allen has been the most consistent player for the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals. Ray Allen?!? Yes, Ray Allen! Wow, was he amazing in Game 4. He is the best shooter on the Celtics team obviously and weirdly enough the best fast break player and maybe finisher. On the amazing up and under layup over Garnett it was Ray who came up with the offensive board to allow it to happen. He played all 48 minutes and had 9 boards, two monster offensive ones that I recall. Ray was also the best ball handler late in the game, as Eddie House clearly doesn't have a left hand, his son is probably a better dribbler, but Ray attacked and did his damage in Game 4 by creating and making lay ups. What a performance from Ray this series, one could make the argument he is the Finals MVP over Paul Pierce so far. Not to mention his impeccable suit in the post-game interview with Steven A. Smith, as well as one of few NBA players to rock some fresh J's each game. Ray clinched Game 4 with his refusal of Garnett's screen up top and blowing by Vujacic (Game 3's hero) for a uncontested lefty layup. This led to the best moment of the Finals for Celtics fans as Pierce was jumping around the court with the fat on his arm jiggling and Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic slapping the chair next to him on the bench and starting to essentially cry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDSmPDJiHm8

James Posey allowed the Celtics to go small and shut down "L.O" "Dey Know, Dey Know" in the fourth after Lamar had dominated the first quarter. He didn't guard Kobe interestingly as he let Paul shut him down, and delivered most importantly offensive firepower. Po-z, as his tattoo reads, hit three humongous three pointers to cut the lead and extend the lead. He had ice in his veins for sure bra. James was probably the player of the game, knocking down big shots allowing the Celtics to spread the floor (like the Lakers did in Game 2's failed comeback), giving room for Paul and Kev to operate. JAMES WAS UNBELIEVABLE AT SHOOTING 3'S!!!!!!!!

Eddie House started off slow as did the entire Celtics team, offensively and defensively. The offense changed though throughout the course of the game because of Edward James Theodore Constantanople House. In the first half Kobe continually left House to double other Celtics members and House couldn't make him pay, missing two wide open three pointers shooting 1 for 4 from the field in the first half. At half time he had the Celtics masseuse loosen up his shoulders, for real, and then during halftime warm-ups he hit 20 three pointers. I really didn't make that up. House made both three point attempts in the second, made a floater, and gave the Celtics their first lead, one they would not relinquish. The long distance two he hit was practically the same shot he missed in Game 3 that on the next possession led to the Vujacic back-breaking 3. Eddie didn't miss this one and after he hit it he said something like, "Yeah I hit that mother fuckers," to who knows. He taunted the fans at the end of the game screaming at them and showing them the team name on his jersey. Love the intensity and spacing he provides, as well as a well trimmed beard.

Paul Pierce had a sick "And 1" finish in the third to cut the deficit to single digits, putting miraculous spin on the ball after being bodied by Pau Gasol. Pierce had 20 points, when he scores at least 20 this series the Celtics are 3-0. The amazing part was that he did it at both ends, and was defending the best player in the NBA. Doc said that Pierce was gassed from doing this and that is why Ray took over on the Game 4 clinching possession. Kobe undoubtedly had to be affected offensively by going up against the bigger Pierce each time too. Or maybe it was because Kobe took some pretty poor shots in the fourth. Kobe did have a sick in-n-out burger dribble that destroyed Posey and Bryant capped it off with a two-handed finish. Kobe did get dunked on by P.J. Brown though!! Get 'em P.J.!! Back to Paul, his defense set the tone as he had no fouls going into the second half he knew he could guard Kobe and be physical. He had an amazing aforementioned block that was huge and captured the tenacity of the Celtics defense in the second half. Kudos to Paul for stepping up to the challenge in guarding Kobe, and also delivering on the offensive end too. Not to mention he called Michelle Tafoya "baby" twice in the immediate post-game interview.

Kevin Garnett shows you what an NBA player with millions of dollars is supposed to look like after an NBA Finals game. Look at that sweater vest and at that Windsor Knot. Well done KG, you game however, so-so. The worst first quarter ever for you, like ever, as you allowed them to score a billion points and again contributed nothing offensively at the start. Kev you had some big baskets in the fourth and two huge free throws so I credit you for that. It looked like you may have traveled on the short right handed jumper over Turiaf, Phil and Rambis certainly thought so, but you did hit some crucial turn around jumpers from the post. We still would like you to take over games though, but apparently so far we don't need it. What is weird about this series is that neither team has played their best basketball for four quarters. The Lakers looked pretty good in the first with Lamar playing the way he did, but he has only played well for two of sixteen quarters, that is unbelievable. Neither teams Big 3 have been playing well at the same time and have relied heavily on role players carrying them to victory. Offensively Pierce strictly controlled Game 1, but in Game 2 Leon Powe emerged, Game 3 Sasha Vujajic got hot, and Game 4 was all about Posey and House. Game 5 should be unbelievable and I expect great basketball from both teams, as the Lakers face elimination for the first time all playoffs and the Celtics have seemingly found the right rotation.

NBA Finals Thoughts With A Little Celtics Bias

2008-06-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

Paul Pierce, you grew up in Inglewood and now are playing in Los Angeles for the NBA Championship and you decide to play like that in Game 3?!?!? After Game 1 & 2 it looked like, in the words of Brother Ali, "The Truth is here," but that obviously wasn't apparent in Game 3 in L.A. Vlad Radmonivic getting in foul trouble actually helped the Lakers as Pierce has been playing well against him with a clear bulk and quickness advantage. Kobe played a lot more on The Truth and Pierce as a result really never got it going. However, with Pierce playing as poorly as he did, the positive is that the Celtics stayed in the game throughout. More about Paul real quick. I like his shoes, no one else in the league has them and you can't find them anywhere really. Also him and KG refuse to show the NBA logo on their socks by folding them down much like many of the Pistons players have done for quite some time. Lastly, I wish Paul had a better beard. I would feel more comfortable if he had a Baron Davis-esque beard instead of one that doesn't even connect the goatee to the sideburns. A fresh line up wouldn't hurt either.
Hi my name is Kevin Garnett and I am 6'11 and I should square up Pau Gasol everytime I get it in the post take two dribbles and dunk on him. He is a boy, I am a man, and a very intimidating one. Sure he knocks down jumpers pretty often, but he can get by Gasol everytime or at least draw a double and kick it to open shooters. He bizarrely missed two seemingly routine dunks, one of which would have been an "And 1" after Gasol hacked him in the third. He caught fire a little bit at the end of the quarter, and I didn't mind him shooting jumpers then because they were obviously falling. But when he gets it on the block or extended post, nothing angers me more than him turning around and taking fade-aways, OMG!! Square him up and dunk on Gasol or Odom or go to the line you jerk face. Couple style things about Kevin. The number 5 finger sleeve he rocks on his right hand looks like it is about to fall off and just looks stupid in general, get rid of that Kev. Also his limited NBA Championship Trophy sneakers that they make 8 pair of every game and go for $1,000 each, are not that fresh, who's buying those? Kevin though does often look quite fresh in his dress code apparel be it a sweater vest or suit ensemble, he always is on point. Props to you on that KG.
Bennett Salvatore and Joey Crawford are two of the leagues worst officials, who both think they need to everyone to recogonize they are there and everyone does because they are awful. No one realized who the other guy was, I forget his name already and that is a good thing, no? To put them both on the court for an NBA Finals Game was a travesty, an embarrassment. They quickly made up for the free throw discrepancy in Game 2 by flipping it in the Lakers favor understandably. However, in Game 2 the Lakers were getting foul calls, the Celtics were in the penalty pretty quick in the second quarter, the Lakers just didn't take it to the basket. Kobe made sure to do that in Game 3 and got his calls, yet missed a lot of free throws. The Celtics in the first half weren't getting any calls in their favor, weird travel calls and offensive fouls, and were attacking the basket, unlike the Lakers in Game 2, but not going to the line. Leon Powe did nothing as a result of this. Again very understandable because everyone made so much of the numbers in Game 2 however misleading they really were. The second half was evenly officiated for the most part, which was good and they let them play at the end, no problem with that.
Kobe you have an amazing Nike shoe and clothing line, but you can't wear this awful suit to a NBA Finals press conference. This is the second straight game you decided to wear a black dress shirt, WHY?!? Game 2's suit was even worse with a black suit on top of a black dress shirt. Your ties are horrible (Game 2's was red), and how are you not putting it in a Windsor Knot? Embarrassing.

Least Cool NBA Playoff Player

2008-04-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

Usually I am in favor of calling out opposing players, teams, cities, but Mike Bibby you are uncool. Mike called out an extremely loyal group of Celtics fans, categorizing them as bandwagon fans. Dumb. Here is a link to read exactly what he dumbly said:

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/preview?gid=2008042302&prov=ap

First off, Mike you play in Atlanta where the Hawks have no fans ever, so what are you possibly talking about. Celtics fans have endured a weird period of basketball since the days of Larry Legend, with Len Bias, Reggie Lewis, and the Antoine Walker days. The fans have been there throughout and routinely attend games at the stupid TD Banknorth Garden. The Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce led teams were exciting to watch and contended for the Eastern Conference Championships even though we knew we could never win a title. The fans have been there throughout even last season when the Celtics had a 18 game losing streak, except for the fact that we were hoping they would lose so we could get a good draft pick. We still cared, we still went to games not in as great of numbers though. The truest fans have always been there, just the pink hat wearing Red Sox fans have noticed we have a great basketball team again.

So Mike, keep wearing your red calf protectors and keep growing out your hair and having terrible waves. Also keep getting locked up by Rajan Rondo and be thankful that you will get swept and won't have to get booed by the Celtics faithful every time you touch the ball. You are so boo boo.

NBA Playoff Bench (First Five)

2008-04-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

I have managed to watch six full days of playoff basketball and have been caught up in the coolness in several of the teams. Props to the Washington Wizards, Denver Nuggets, Philadelphia 76ers, and New Orleans Hornets for achieving such coolness. There have been some great games, most of them on Saturday, but Thursday’s Jazz-Rockets game was epic and landed Carl Landry a position on the All-Cool Team. Without further ado, here are the first five players off the bench.

Sixth Man: DeShawn Stevenson | Shooting Guard, Washington Wizards

Where to start with the coolness of DeShawn? If you thought talking shit to LeBron was too much, he upped his coolness by rocking a fro-hawk in Game 3 Thursday night. The fro-hawk is amazing and looks amazing, anyone who rocks it automatically is on the roster (Josh Smith I didn’t forget you). Nick Young first boldly sported the fro-hawk at USC and currently is a Wizard now. DeShawn’s fro-hawk fits perfectly with his humongous beard he has been sporting all season long, total homie. Let’s briefly talk about how amazing DeShawn’s trash talk of the arguably best player in the NBA was. To call out LeBron before game one may have been dumb, but was extremely entertaining and helped DeShawn’s popularity, which is what ultimately matters. He even backed it up by bringing Soulja Boy to game three. Finally, DeShawn and the Wizards actually played well and smashed the Cavs, and I hope to see them square off against the Celtics next round, can’t wait.

Carl Landry | Power Forward, Houston Rockets

Carl’s performance Thursday night against the Jazz not only saved the series, but assured him a spot on the All-Cool Team. This news is undoubtedly more important to Carl than getting their first playoff victory. Not only did Carl block the potential game-winning bank shot by Deron Williams and save the ball to Luis Scola, but he lost a tooth during the game! Who would have thought Carl would have, out of Purdue, been a producer in the NBA. Seatlle didn’t, but they aren’t doing too much right lately, jk jk jk jk jk. Carl also has a fresh line-up with a nice little beard too that Rafer Alston likes to kiss, nh.

Kurt Thomas | Center, San Antonio Spurs

Kurt provides very little style to this roster, but he is the greatest veteran in the entire playoffs. Kurt has the best role in all of the NBA. This despite playing for the Knicks in his earlier days and having no friends; now, he plays on great teams that contend. Kurt is on my least favorite playoff team the Spurs, but he is truly living the coolest life. All he has to do is wait for good teams to call him like the Suns last year and have a shot at the title every year. He plays great defense and doesn’t care about getting dunked on by our boy Amare.

Peja Stojakovic | Small Forward, New Orleans Hornets

Peja has super stroke. Peja is on one of the coolest teams and stole a spot on this roster over Tyson Chandler because that idiot put those dumb lines in his head. Tyson needs a new barber because those look awful, but he can catch a lob. Peja however has reemerged as the best shooter in the league and is hitting them from anywhere at anytime. I have witnessed him swish three balls fading away in the corner, amazing. Plus, Peja has an exquisite beard that is nicely trimmed and definitely European. Also, props on your perfect combover too Peja.

Kevin Ollie | Point Guard, Philadelphia 76ers

Although Kevin plays no minutes for the 76ers, he will play two minutes per game on this team letting Chris Paul play the other forty-six. No other point guard in all of the playoffs besides CP3 deserves to be on this roster, none that are decent anyways, so Kevin Ollie seems like an ideal choice. Actually maybe Sam “Alien” Cassell would fit, but we like Kevin because he doesn’t play at all, cheers on the youngsters on the 76ers from the bench with his nice mustache; 2008 is the Year of the Mustache, right Eric Byrnes? Kevin provides wisdom and humor because nobody ever thinks of him because he is super rando.

NBA Playoff Roster

2008-04-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

The All-Cool team, for those of you who are unfamiliar, started off as a collection of NBA players, a few superstars and a few scrubs, that embodied the word cool as it was defined to me. The roster was posted on a Facebook photo album of mine, but for the playoffs I have taken it to a new level. To be on the All-Cool team one must be stylish (the shoes they wear, how many neck tattoo's they have, how high their socks are, or a Baron Davis beard) or be a super homie whose jersey I would feel proud to rock at all times. They can be very vocal in the media and talking trash to their opponent is highly encouraged, having a blog is really cool too. The roster for the regular season included the likes of: Amare Stoudemire, Yi Jianlin, Travis Outlaw, Nick Young, Jose Juan Barea, Rasheed Wallace, Dwight Howard, Paul Millsap, Linas Kleiza, Kevin Durant, Matt Barnes, Rudy Gay, J.R. Smith, Baron Davis, and Beno Udrih. There is also an All-Cool Team Hall of Fame, the inductees for the 2007-2008 season included: Anthony Mason, Kevin Johnson, and Shawn Kemp.

With that introduction, I now present you with the starting five for the upcoming playoffs. The starting five, unlike the regular season, will be comprised of superstars that will hopefully carry their teams far into the playoffs so I can update their coolness throughout. There will be a later post that will include ten bench players as well as a Head Coach.

Starting Point Guard: Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets

CP3 is a MVP candidate for good reason. The Hornets roster and team was thought of as pretty boo boo going into the year, but CP3 has turned Tyson Chandler into Joey Dorsey times 47, popularized David West, and rejuvenated Peja who has the super-est of super stroke. Alongside the terrific season he is having, he always has a fresh cut with a perfect line up, has his own Jordan brand shoes in tight colors, some mid-calf socks, and dunks on people, even Dwight Howard: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDjzvJYWtoc I bought his jersey to rock around Southern California and hope that his squad doesn't get upset in the first round. His dress code attire is also fresh at all times and the outfit he rocked at the dunk contest was killin’ everyone’s.

Starting Shooting Guard: Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

First off, this clip is great even though it is far from real:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yURa9T0-Rjk&feature=related

There is negative a billion chance he would ever risk his career doing it, if you think it is real you probably go to Idiot A&M. Whatever, the video is tight, him and Ronny are boys and they do chest bumps after visual effects make Kobe look tight. I am not supposed to hate on Kobe because he is on my roster, but I really think the video is creative and the shoes more importantly are tight. The ones in the clip are

nice but the ones pictures are super fresh. These coming off the Kobe Zoom III, which were also fire. Kobe is trying to do Jordan-like things with his shoes and I respect that. I liked when Kobe rocked the mid-calf socks for a brief period of time during the season, but now he has gone to the ankle ones, dumb. However, he is the best player in the NBA, is enjoyable to listen to when he does interviews with his personal interviewer Ric Bucher, and very importantly is making SportCenter on a consistent basis with blocks and reverse dunks.

Starting Small Forward: Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets

With just a few games left in the season Carmelo made headlines for his

DUI at four in the morning. He provided this mugshot, which is what it is. Maybe not the smartest move by Melo, but he has put himself in position to get hated on throughout the first round of the playoffs and fuel the negativity into monstrous games. He is the superstar on a very likeable and cool team with players like Eduardo Najera (who can shoot the three all of a sudden), AI, J.R. Smith, and Linas Kleiza. The baby blue uni’s are one of the best and the arm sleeve Carmelo rocks to accompany it is appreciated. He was the innovator of rocking the logo in the back on your headband, and also has his own Jordan shoes, but they aren’t that special. Lastly, his cornrows are always on point, maybe more so lately because A.I. is around to give him pointers. BTW he choked Sasha Vujacic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDIWh9CDOJk&feature=related

Starting Power Forward: Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns

Amare was the regular season All-Cool Team Captain and fit the part extremely well. He had a tremendous summer joining the USA Basketball team and proceeding to rock the hip-hop Mohawk and some lines in the back of his head that had never been done. Throughout the regular season his coolness continued as he rocked two pairs of high NBA socks each game and always had some fresh kicks with orange laces. I dig. He often got very heated during games and stared down his opponents, which is something we look for in a team captain. He adapted very well to the Shaq trade and was named the best power forward in the game by Shaq and backed it up by dropping 30 consistently. We at the All-Cool Team look forward to the first round match up against the Spurs and hope the Suns actually beat them this time. That would be cool.

Starting Center: Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics

KG obviously does not have the style of some of the other starting players on this roster because he represents Adidas, ew. Nevertheless, his passion is contagious and the way he cheered his teammates on from the bench when the Celtics were killin’ fools was amazing and loveable. He changed the whole mindset of the organization single-handedly and I love him for that. The Celtics unlike during the Antoine Walker days where fans knew they would go far in the playoffs, but absolutely never have a shot at the championship, actually have a tremendous shot now. Also it is important to note a great quote of his that went something along the lines of responding to the question “What exercise do you hate doing?” with “None of them, I love all exercises.” Baller. Also these YouTube clips sum up how great KG really is and how important he is to us fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDB4hnFjJ-I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtZ9I12SNJQ&feature=related

Look for the rest of the roster coming soon after the weekend games. Rest assured, DeShawn Stevenson is undoubtedly our sixth man.