Least Cool NBA Playoff Player

Usually I am in favor of calling out opposing players, teams, cities, but Mike Bibby you are uncool. Mike called out an extremely loyal group of Celtics fans, categorizing them as bandwagon fans. Dumb. Here is a link to read exactly what he dumbly said: 

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/preview?gid=2008042302&prov=ap

First off, Mike you play in Atlanta where the Hawks have no fans ever, so what are you possibly talking about. Celtics fans have endured a weird period of basketball since the days of Larry Legend, with Len Bias, Reggie Lewis, and the Antoine Walker days. The fans have been there throughout and routinely attend games at the stupid TD Banknorth Garden. The Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce led teams were exciting to watch and contended for the Eastern Conference Championships even though we knew we could never win a title. The fans have been there throughout even last season when the Celtics had a 18 game losing streak, except for the fact that we were hoping they would lose so we could get a good draft pick. We still cared, we still went to games not in as great of numbers though. The truest fans have always been there, just the pink hat wearing Red Sox fans have noticed we have a great basketball team again.

So Mike, keep wearing your red calf protectors and keep growing out your hair and having terrible waves. Also keep getting locked up by Rajan Rondo and be thankful that you will get swept and won't have to get booed by the Celtics faithful every time you touch the ball. You are so boo boo.

NBA Playoff Bench (First Five)

I have managed to watch six full days of playoff basketball and have been caught up in the coolness in several of the teams. Props to the Washington Wizards, Denver Nuggets, Philadelphia 76ers, and New Orleans Hornets for achieving such coolness. There have been some great games, most of them on Saturday, but Thursday’s Jazz-Rockets game was epic and landed Carl Landry a position on the All-Cool Team. Without further ado, here are the first five players off the bench.

Sixth Man: DeShawn Stevenson | Shooting Guard, Washington Wizards

Where to start with the coolness of DeShawn? If you thought talking shit to LeBron was too much, he upped his coolness by rocking a fro-hawk in Game 3 Thursday night. The fro-hawk is amazing and looks amazing, anyone who rocks it automatically is on the roster (Josh Smith I didn’t forget you). Nick Young first boldly sported the fro-hawk at USC and currently is a Wizard now. DeShawn’s fro-hawk fits perfectly with his humongous beard he has been sporting all season long, total homie. Let’s briefly talk about how amazing DeShawn’s trash talk of the arguably best player in the NBA was. To call out LeBron before game one may have been dumb, but was extremely entertaining and helped DeShawn’s popularity, which is what ultimately matters. He even backed it up by bringing Soulja Boy to game three. Finally, DeShawn and the Wizards actually played well and smashed the Cavs, and I hope to see them square off against the Celtics next round, can’t wait.

Carl Landry | Power Forward, Houston Rockets

Carl’s performance Thursday night against the Jazz not only saved the series, but assured him a spot on the All-Cool Team. This news is undoubtedly more important to Carl than getting their first playoff victory. Not only did Carl block the potential game-winning bank shot by Deron Williams and save the ball to Luis Scola, but he lost a tooth during the game! Who would have thought Carl would have, out of Purdue, been a producer in the NBA. Seatlle didn’t, but they aren’t doing too much right lately, jk jk jk jk jk. Carl also has a fresh line-up with a nice little beard too that Rafer Alston likes to kiss, nh.

Kurt Thomas | Center, San Antonio Spurs

Kurt provides very little style to this roster, but he is the greatest veteran in the entire playoffs. Kurt has the best role in all of the NBA. This despite playing for the Knicks in his earlier days and having no friends; now, he plays on great teams that contend. Kurt is on my least favorite playoff team the Spurs, but he is truly living the coolest life. All he has to do is wait for good teams to call him like the Suns last year and have a shot at the title every year. He plays great defense and doesn’t care about getting dunked on by our boy Amare.

Peja Stojakovic | Small Forward, New Orleans Hornets

Peja has super stroke. Peja is on one of the coolest teams and stole a spot on this roster over Tyson Chandler because that idiot put those dumb lines in his head. Tyson needs a new barber because those look awful, but he can catch a lob. Peja however has reemerged as the best shooter in the league and is hitting them from anywhere at anytime. I have witnessed him swish three balls fading away in the corner, amazing. Plus, Peja has an exquisite beard that is nicely trimmed and definitely European. Also, props on your perfect combover too Peja.

Kevin Ollie | Point Guard, Philadelphia 76ers

Although Kevin plays no minutes for the 76ers, he will play two minutes per game on this team letting Chris Paul play the other forty-six. No other point guard in all of the playoffs besides CP3 deserves to be on this roster, none that are decent anyways, so Kevin Ollie seems like an ideal choice. Actually maybe Sam “Alien” Cassell would fit, but we like Kevin because he doesn’t play at all, cheers on the youngsters on the 76ers from the bench with his nice mustache; 2008 is the Year of the Mustache, right Eric Byrnes? Kevin provides wisdom and humor because nobody ever thinks of him because he is super rando.

NBA Playoff Roster

The All-Cool team, for those of you who are unfamiliar, started off as a collection of NBA players, a few superstars and a few scrubs, that embodied the word cool as it was defined to me. The roster was posted on a Facebook photo album of mine, but for the playoffs I have taken it to a new level. To be on the All-Cool team one must be stylish (the shoes they wear, how many neck tattoo's they have, how high their socks are, or a Baron Davis beard) or be a super homie whose jersey I would feel proud to rock at all times. They can be very vocal in the media and talking trash to their opponent is highly encouraged, having a blog is really cool too. The roster for the regular season included the likes of: Amare Stoudemire, Yi Jianlin, Travis Outlaw, Nick Young, Jose Juan Barea, Rasheed Wallace, Dwight Howard, Paul Millsap, Linas Kleiza, Kevin Durant, Matt Barnes, Rudy Gay, J.R. Smith, Baron Davis, and Beno Udrih. There is also an All-Cool Team Hall of Fame, the inductees for the 2007-2008 season included: Anthony Mason, Kevin Johnson, and Shawn Kemp. 

With that introduction, I now present you with the starting five for the upcoming playoffs. The starting five, unlike the regular season, will be comprised of superstars that will hopefully carry their teams far into the playoffs so I can update their coolness throughout. There will be a later post that will include ten bench players as well as a Head Coach.  

Starting Point Guard: Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets 

CP3 is a MVP candidate for good reason. The Hornets roster and team was thought of as pretty boo boo going into the year, but CP3 has turned Tyson Chandler into Joey Dorsey times 47, popularized David West, and rejuvenated Peja who has the super-est of super stroke. Alongside the terrific season he is having, he always has a fresh cut with a perfect line up, has his own Jordan brand shoes in tight colors, some mid-calf socks, and dunks on people, even Dwight Howard: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDjzvJYWtoc I bought his jersey to rock around Southern California and hope that his squad doesn't get upset in the first round. His dress code attire is also fresh at all times and the outfit he rocked at the dunk contest was killin’ everyone’s.  

Starting Shooting Guard: Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers 

First off, this clip is great even though it is far from real:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yURa9T0-Rjk&feature=related 

There is negative a billion chance he would ever risk his career doing it, if you think it is real you probably go to Idiot A&M. Whatever, the video is tight, him and Ronny are boys and they do chest bumps after visual effects make Kobe look tight. I am not supposed to hate on Kobe because he is on my roster, but I really think the video is creative and the shoes more importantly are tight. The ones in the clip are

nice but the ones pictures are super fresh. These coming off the Kobe Zoom III, which were also fire. Kobe is trying to do Jordan-like things with his shoes and I respect that. I liked when Kobe rocked the mid-calf socks for a brief period of time during the season, but now he has gone to the ankle ones, dumb. However, he is the best player in the NBA, is enjoyable to listen to when he does interviews with his personal interviewer Ric Bucher, and very importantly is making SportCenter on a consistent basis with blocks and reverse dunks.

Starting Small Forward: Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets 

With just a few games left in the season Carmelo made headlines for his

DUI at four in the morning. He provided this mugshot, which is what it is. Maybe not the smartest move by Melo, but he has put himself in position to get hated on throughout the first round of the playoffs and fuel the negativity into monstrous games. He is the superstar on a very likeable and cool team with players like Eduardo Najera (who can shoot the three all of a sudden), AI, J.R. Smith, and Linas Kleiza. The baby blue uni’s are one of the best and the arm sleeve Carmelo rocks to accompany it is appreciated. He was the innovator of rocking the logo in the back on your headband, and also has his own Jordan shoes, but they aren’t that special. Lastly, his cornrows are always on point, maybe more so lately because A.I. is around to give him pointers. BTW he choked Sasha Vujacic: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDIWh9CDOJk&feature=related  

Starting Power Forward: Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns 

Amare was the regular season All-Cool Team Captain and fit the part extremely well. He had a tremendous summer joining the USA Basketball team and proceeding to rock the hip-hop Mohawk and some lines in the back of his head that had never been done. Throughout the regular season his coolness continued as he rocked two pairs of high NBA socks each game and always had some fresh kicks with orange laces. I dig. He often got very heated during games and stared down his opponents, which is something we look for in a team captain. He adapted very well to the Shaq trade and was named the best power forward in the game by Shaq and backed it up by dropping 30 consistently. We at the All-Cool Team look forward to the first round match up against the Spurs and hope the Suns actually beat them this time. That would be cool.  

Starting Center: Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics 

KG obviously does not have the style of some of the other starting players on this roster because he represents Adidas, ew. Nevertheless, his passion is contagious and the way he cheered his teammates on from the bench when the Celtics were killin’ fools was amazing and loveable. He changed the whole mindset of the organization single-handedly and I love him for that. The Celtics unlike during the Antoine Walker days where fans knew they would go far in the playoffs, but absolutely never have a shot at the championship, actually have a tremendous shot now. Also it is important to note a great quote of his that went something along the lines of responding to the question “What exercise do you hate doing?” with “None of them, I love all exercises.” Baller. Also these YouTube clips sum up how great KG really is and how important he is to us fans. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDB4hnFjJ-I 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtZ9I12SNJQ&feature=related

Look for the rest of the roster coming soon after the weekend games. Rest assured, DeShawn Stevenson is undoubtedly our sixth man.