What is status worthy about this video?

I don't get it. This isn't good or interesting. So why is everyone making it their status?!?!?!?!? How is this a remix? How is this talented? He is just hitting things that make sound when you hit them really hard. Everyone who posts this as their status must be faded off the brown.

Observation from Celtics-Pacers Game

Here is my observation from tonight's Celtics game, which the Pacers dominated for a half and then got dominated. Dahntay Jones and Tyler Hansbrough don't like each other. They are teammates on a bad NBA team and they don't like each other. In the second quarter Tyler took his first shot of the night, a jumper from just above the free throw line, that missed. Dahntay was on the bench and stood up and shouted something along the lines of "That's a bad shot!" This was false, although I guess it was a little early in the possession, but Dahntay seemed to be concerned his team would let their 15+ point lead slip away, something everyone in the world knew would happen. I thought for a second why Dahntay would say such a thing, was he trying to be a leader or wanted to use clock or what and couldn't really figure it out. I let it slide because one instance of Dahntay getting pissed at Tyler doesn't mean anything. I mean everyone gets pissed at Tyler Hansbrough, no one of course actually likes him. Maybe I can respect that he is playing decent in the NBA because no one else really tries very hard for three quarters and he tries hard so he scores baskets. Additionally, he and Josh McRoberts are much better at dunking than you would think two white guys are. I watched them in warm ups. Also, Tyler Hansbrough made this commercial.

NEWAYZ, in the fourth quarter, Dahntay got called for a somewhat bogus offensive foul for posting up too hard. I guess he hooked his arm around Paul Pierce, but whatever. As Dahntay complained and then came down the court, he and Tyler had a quick interaction. I think Tyler tried to feed him the ball before the foul, but Dahntay barked something at Tyler and then Tyler seemed to make fun of him for getting the foul called on him. I don't know what they said, but Dahntay was pissed and Tyler was kind of confused and responded. Big picture, they don't like each other, and the logical explanation has to be either Dahntay is pissed that Tyler dunked on Kenny George in college or that because Dahntay went to Duke he doesn't like Tyler who went to North Carolina. I feel bad for Tyler who has THREE Duke teammates: Dahntay, Josh, and Mike Dunleavey. That sucks bro. Basically what you get from reading this is my earth-shattering news that Dahntay Jones and Tyler Hansbrough don't like each other. I hope you don't stop reading because I thought I was cool for figuring this out.

Starting PG: Tyreke Evans | Sacramento Kings

‘Reke or ‘Reke Havoc, as we like to call him on this blog for the first time ever because it hasn’t been updated since the summer, is the Starting Point Guard for the 2009-2010 All-Cool Team. ‘Reke Havoc edged out fellow rookie Brandon Jennings of the Milwaukee Bucks because 1) no one has ever actually been to Milwaukee and so we aren’t sure it exists and 2) no one really knows what is going on with his hair. In one week’s time, Jennings’ hair went from short with little curled up things (not a good look) to being in cornrows (see the pictures below this). As someone who has never worn cornrows, I know that you need to have long hair don’t care to wear cornrows, so Jennings probably got hair extensions. Credit Greg Wright with that joke. G-WRIGHT YOU HAD ME ROFL-INNNNNNN WITH THAT ONE!!!!

Anyways ‘Reke Havoc just carried his Sacramento Kings back from a 30+ deficit against the Chicago Bulls, and has somehow made the Sacramento Kings good even though they give significant minutes to super randos, i.e. Jon Brockman. Best thing about ‘Reke is that he really cannot shoot that well, evidenced by his multiple missed free throws down the stretch against the Bulls (BUT WHO CARES ABOUT FREE THROWS WHEN THEY ARE FREE, LOL!! IF YOU MAKE MILLZ OF DOLLAZ WHY WASTE UR TIME WITH FREE THROWS!!!), but he still scores at will because he is faster that most human beings in the world and in the National Basketball Association. He is really good at the Manu-crossover-step-fake thing that makes big men like Andrew Bogut look girly. Even though he can’t shoot ‘Reke Havoc takes big shots for the Kings at the end of games when he can’t drive because 5 men from the opposing team are in the lane. He takes these shots because you don’t want Beno Udrih or Andres Nocioni taking them if you are a Kings fan. ‘Reke Havoc did take a big shot against the Bulls with under a minute left and the shot clock winding down and buried it. He then proceeded to perform the Sam Cassell “I have big balls” dance as he strutted back to the bench where teammate Donte Greene (also VERY cool) was also doing the infamous dance. Bottom line, ‘Reke may not have the style of the coolest players in the league, but he has the game as a 6’6 super-fast point guard who averages 20 & 5 and whose jersey I would proudly wear to Frary Dining Hall on a warm Friday afternoon.

For Kael

Sonicsgate Trailer from sonicsgate on Vimeo.

47 Dollaazzzz... At The KFC You Betta Holla!!!!

47, HOW?!?!?
Why doesn't Delonte already have his cousin's phone number if he is giving him all that free chicken?

James

I love the Thunder. The coolest player in college basketball this past season, along with maybe Johnny Flynn, was of course the bearded wonder, James Harden. When James was drafted by the Thunder, both D-Cup & myself cheered. Why? Because he makes the Thunder the coolest team in the NBA. James joins my favorite player in the NBA, Kevin Durant, which really is just too much to handle. James is D-Cup's favorite NBA player even though he hasn't taken a shot yet. Here are his credentials:
The beard: well-trimmed, neat, a nice thickness, makes him look grandfatherly & it just works really well.
The style: James rocked an oversized white t under his Arizona St. jersey & made it look awesome & as shown above he wears the Nike Hyperize

That video obviously shows you why I am so fond of Kevin Durant.

Last credential, his game: he is so smooth & makes everything look so effortless & he's a lefty & he celebrates a lot. I am showing you this clip because of the dunk at 1:40 and the 47 in the freeze frame.

I didn't like the original of this song, but the remix is cool

Combining The-Dream + Drake + Kanye is probably going to produce something catchy no matter what. Download here.

New Coolness!

New song by two of the all-coolest people out there right now. CuDi is super-dee-duper cool, probably the second coolest person from Cleveland behind LeBron, but maybe cooler than LeBron because of all that nonsense about the mythical dunk on King James. And Posner is by far the coolest person not named Louis Frank to attend Duke University. Download here.

New Drake

Pretty solid song. Download here.

Ok, enough

I get it, Michael was an icon. As a singer and dancer, he was phenomenal. It makes sense that so many people want to pay tribute to him. Rest in peace. But, this is beginning to get ridiculous. The amount of people/companies attempting to profit off his death is literally sickening. But that is neither here nor there. The only reason I am writing about this is because of the song below:

I get that this song is "from the heart," but how can you not smile? Ron, I would never say this to your face because you are terrifying (not to mention super cool prior to signing with the Lakers), but please, for our sake, put down the mic.

NBA Coolness Ratings

Alright alright, this is how I'm gonna start off '09 (at least in terms of my additions to this already stellar blog), but I won't kick in any doors or be any problems for anyone.

I sort of want to talk about my thoughts about the NBA draft (four days ago now), but honestly I don't really have that many. I think that other than Blake Griffin's athleticism and sandbag carrying, Steph Curry's jump shot and rapping ability, and James Harden's beard (please don't shave it J.H.!), it's kind of a boring draft class. But that said, this draft does, in my mind, change the coolness dynamics of a number of NBA teams. So with that in mind, here are my personal thoughts on which NBA teams are totally awesome dude and which should be replaced by the '08 UNC Tarheels.

The Coolest of the Cool:

- Orlando Magic: Even if they do lose Hedo, the combination of Dwight Howard, V.C. and Rashard Lewis, added to the coolness with which Stan Van Gundy talked to his team in the Eastern Conference finals while being Mic'd up, makes them awesome. If they had cooler jerseys, like the '95 Magic jerseys, they would rival any team in history in coolness rating.

- Oklahoma City Thunder: No doubts here. James Harden's beard speaks volumes for this team's up-and-coming success. Even if they don't win more than 30-35 games this season, they will impress fans and opposing players with their flat out coolness.

- Philadelphia 76ers: Going back to the retro jerseys. Love it.

- Cleveland Cavaliers: They deserve to be on this list just because of LBJ, especially if he leaves after this year and they become absolutely horrible. Plus they picked up Shaq, who, even though his Kobe raps don't make sense anymore, is still hilarious.

- Memphis Grizzlies: With rookies Hasheem, DeMarre Carroll, and Sam Young, they have by far the coolest and best-shot-faking rookie class.

The Pretty Cool:

- L.A. Lakers: I don't like them, but they did just win a championship, so fine.

- Houston Rockets: Aaron Brooks Baby! Plus, they almost beat the Lakers without their two best players, and Ron Ron is pretty fucking awesome too. Additionally, they picked up Chase Budinger who is ugly but has a 44 inch vertical, and what do you know, he got drafted #44. Coincidence?

- New Jersey Nets: Brook Lopez has the coolest voice in the NBA, and Jay-Z is their owner. Yeah, he used to ball like that, and now he owns a ball team, holla back, so they're pretty cool.

- Portland Trailblazers: With Brandon Roy becoming one of the best players in the NBA, a very young line-up that was successful this past season, and then picking up Jeff Pendergraph from ASU, a guy who is not that good but somehow dunks on everyone he plays against, they're gonna be very good in years to come, so I'm jumping on their bandwagon now. Plus they were smart enough to draft AND TRADE Jon Brockman to stupid Sacramento who apparently likes to have big white centers from Washington on their team, and Patty Mills who lit up the US Olympic team for 20 points off the bench last summer.

- Denver Nuggets: Trading for Billups was brilliant, and with J.R. Smith, Carmelo, and Birdman, plus the addition of Ty Lawson (he won't do much, but he's really cool), they're definitely one of the cooler teams in the league. And Renaldo Balkman's hair makes me smile.

The So-So:

- Golden State Warriors: I am from the Bay Area, but I only say this because of Steph Curry's overall coolness. That puts the Dub's back on the map in my opinion.

- Atlanta Hawks: Same team as last year: they're still athletic and cool, but they will lose in the first round no matter what.

- New Orleans Hornets: A few years ago they were at the top of the chart, but they've slipped. That said, the fact that Tyson Chandler can score more than 10 points a game makes Chris Paul a great point guard, and he's a beast too - well, they both are - so they are still on the coolness radar.

- Chicago Bulls: I don't know why, really, they're kind of just there, but they're pretty good I guess. They might be higher if they traded Joaqim Noah.

- Boston Celtics: They should probably be higher, and obviously they're really good, but there's too much controversy in Boston about trades and whatnot for them to be cool. Plus, this is kind of about the draft, and who the hell is Lester Hudson?

The Not-So Cool:

- L.A. Clippers: Even with Blake Griffin, they won't win more than 20 games, and between Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, and Zach Randolph, they have about 1 healthy and talented center, combined.

- Minnesota Timberwolves: Cool draft class, and Jonny Flynn is cool and dunks on people, but even so, they have a way to go.

- Phoenix Suns: A'm'a'r'e' is going to leave, and they won't make the playoffs again. Also, they drafted Taylor Griffin for some unknown reason.

- Detroit Pistons: Old. Rasheed is their one saving grace.

- San Antonio Spurs: Older.

- Miami Heat: Any team that has Shawn Marion can't be that cool to me, even with Dwayne Wade.

- Dallas Mavericks: Since they fell apart and lost to the Warriors a few years ago, then they lost Devin Harris, they have been garbage and un-cool.

- Utah Jazz: Deron Williams is awesome, and Eric Maynor ALMOST became the only person I can think of to hit two game winners in consecutive NCAA tourneys, so those two are cool, but I hate any team with Matt Harpring.

- Charlotte Bobcats: They actually almost made it one level higher, but I hate their jerseys, and I really just don't think they're very cool overall. No real reason I guess, but that's how it goes.

The Extremely Un-Cool:

- Indiana Pacers: Tyler Hansbrough at #13??? Why??

- New York Knicks: They're just terrible, and Jordan Hill isn't exactly what they needed.

- Sacramento Kings: Even with Tyreke Evans, they're just too bad to be anywhere but the bottom of this list. And, as I said before, they traded for Jon Brockman.

- Washington Wizards, Toronto Raptors: Who cares?

- Milwaukee Bucks: Now that they've drafted over-hyped, over-cocky Brandon Jennings, I can name exactly one player on their roster.

Can we get a systems go?

I finally had new music to listen to today. After finding the new Wale mixtape (see the next post), I saw that B.o.B aka Bobby Ray had released a new mixtape, as well. I think it's funny that he titled the mixtape B.o.B vs. Bobby Ray since he is obviously copying T.I.'s dual personality formula (T.I. vs. T.I.P.), seeing as how they are both from Atlanta AND B.o.B is signed to T.I.'s label (Grand Hustle). Anyways, B.o.B is certainly stylistically different from Wale. B.o.B's stuff is less hip-hop and more of some blend of blues, pop, and rap. As B.o.B, he does more rapping and then as Bobby Ray it's a lot more singing and pop-type music. Lyrically, most of it leaves a lot to be desired relative to Wale. But it is definitely entertaining. I thought the mixtape was ok, you can get it here. There was one song though that I have been listening to all day: Satellite. I don't know what it is about this song because the words are about nothing and the beat is relatively simple. It's just super catchy, I guess. Anyways, give it a listen:

Maybe I just become obsessed with all songs about outer space, considering that Supernova was playing in my room nonstop during Finals Week.

Anyways, I'm off to France for 12 days. Hope everyone is having a good summer. Maybe while I'm gone The-Flage and D-Cup will pick up some of the slack and lose their blogging virginity.

P.S. USA Soccer? Shaq to Cleveland? How has Justin not written about any of this yet?

Wale Mixtape

This song is cool:

Get his new mixtape here

My Least Favorite Team

I’ve had some time to think about the Lakers victory over the Magic to win the NBA Championship. I was upset by it. It didn’t bring joy to me like last years NBA Finals did. I’ve thought about ways to cope with their victory and initially did so by hating on Kobe - the way he celebrated, bringing his family to the forefront to show how whatever he is, etc. Now that I think about the Lakers in general and hear on ESPN about how they have dominated the decade, I decided to investigate their dominance in the new millennium.
The Lakers started off the decade by winning the 2000 NBA Finals over the Indiana Pacers in six games. The Spurs won the title the previous year led by Tim Duncan & David Robinson. Tim Duncan was absent during the 2000 Playoffs due to a knee injury and, as a result, the Spurs failed to defend, losing in the first round. The Spurs lost to the Suns who then played the Lakers in the second round. The Lakers had no trouble with them and got to avoid Duncan and the Spurs. The Lakers won the Western Conference Finals over the Portland Trail Blazers, the 3-seed, in seven games. Game 7 was when the Kobe to Shaq alley-oop happened, I believe. Portland was clearly their toughest test and really their only test in the 2000 Playoffs. The Easter Conference was extremely weak which it remained until about 2007 with the exception of the unlikely Pistons teams. The Pacers in 2000 were lead by Reggie Miller, Rik Smits and Mark Jackson. Not really the most talented bunch or most intimidating. Basically they beat a scrawny Reggie Miller who shot crazy threes and is overrated according to Bill Simmons. Not one Pacer made the 1999-2000 NBA 1st, 2nd or 3rd teams.
The Lakers dominated the 2001 Playoffs losing only once and that was in the Finals to the Philadelphia 76ers. The Lakers were actually the 2-seed and swept the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals, clearly the Lakers were the best team that year. The Eastern Conference had Philadelphia and the Milwaukee Bucks as their top two teams and the Bucks probably should have won the Eastern Conference Finals, but lost in seven. The Lakers dominated an Allen Iverson led 76ers team whose second best player was Aaron McKie. Dikembe stood no chance against Shaq. Todd MacCulloch was also on that 76ers team.
The 2002 Playoffs saw the Lakers win a questionable Western Conference Finals over the Sacramento Queens in seven games. Game 6 played out really weird and has since been tied to the Tim Donaghy scandal. From Wikipedia: “The Lakers shot 40 free throws overall, 27 in the fourth quarter, and the Kings' big men were plagued with foul trouble (Divac, Webber, Scot Pollard, and Lawrence Funderburke were called for 20 fouls, Divac and Pollard both fouling out.)” Lawrence Funderburke!!!! The series was highly entertaining with Vlade Divac memorably tipping a rebound right to Robert Horry in Game 4. With that said, the Lakers then swept the New Jersey Nets in the Finals to cap-off the Three-Peat. The Nets had trouble with a Celtics team led by Antoine Walker in the Eastern Conference Finals. Keith Van Horn, Kenyon Martin and Jason Kidd led the Nets. Jason Kidd was in his prime like AI was, but every team the Lakers played in the Finals had only one good player. The Nets would go on to play in the Finals the next year too, and got swept by the Spurs. The Eastern Conference was the worst shit ever during the first half of the 2000’s.
To recap, the Lakers beat the Pacers, 76ers, and Nets to win their three titles.
The Lakers surprisingly lost the 2004 Finals to the first good team the Eastern Conference had in many moons, the Detroit Pistons. The Lakers lost last years Finals to the Boston Celtics, the second Eastern Conference team that actually had a shot in the Finals against the Lakers this decade. The Lakers won three straight titles, yet faced only two legitimate opponents, the ’00 Blazers and the ’02 Kings, and then ate up three random Eastern Conference teams. When challenged in the Finals, they crumbled. The Magic, another random team, had no shot against this years Lakers. The Lakers benefited from not having to face LeBron and benefited from the Kevin Garnett injury. The Lakers have won four titles this decade and that cannot be taken away from them, but I just want you to LOOK AT WHO THEY HAVE BEATEN!!!

Every Girl

Young Money - Every Girl [Official Music Video]

This song has been out for a little bit, I even heard it on the radio today. I like it. It is probably going to be remembered as the one of the biggest songs of the sum. I just want to make sure that people know that Mack Maine says this:

In about 3 years, holla at me Miley Cyrus
I don't discriminate, no not at all
Kit kat a midget if that ass soft I break her off
I exchange V cards with the retards

Wonder Why

New Wale song featuring Big Sean and my favorite artist in the whole world Mike Posner whose mixtape I listen to every single day and everyone I show it to likes it. Download Wonder Why here bro. It is really good and will be played at Sea Fair and would have played in Smiley 109 if that still existed. I need more Mike Posner and I am really excited for his remix of Jeremih's "Birthday Sex" called "First Day Sex"!

Excuse My Mood

C'mon The-Hair! You gotta find this shit, bro. Download it here.

New Layout

Hope you like it. If you have an opinion on it click next to the "Reaction" section below these sentences. Choose from "Cool" the highest honor, "Interesting" a pretty high honor, or "Stoop" not really a honor one wants to receive.

Lupe

First of all, Food & Liquor and The Cool were two of my favorite albums of the past 4ish years. After releasing The Cool, Lupe said he was going to release one more album and retire because he was getting bored or something. Noo!!!!! Concerning that supposed final album, his Wikipedia says:

Fiasco announced at a Chicago concert late in 2008 that his next and most likely final album will be a three disc album and that the first disc "Everywhere" would come out in June 2009. The trio was going to be named LupE.N.D. On January 30, 2009, Lupe Fiasco originally announced that LupE.N.D. will be postponed indefinitely. Instead, he would release three albums; The Great American Rap Album in June 2009, two following albums in December 2009 and June 2010, with LupE.N.D. following afterward. However, it was announced by Fiasco that his next album would instead be titled, "We Are Lasers"; yet later his official rep announced and confirmed that it would instead be titled simply "Lasers". The album is currently scheduled for a release in June 2009, no specific date is known though.

This is not all that helpful, since clearly he is not coming out with anything this month or else the collective music world would be hyping the shit out of it. Obviously, he is having trouble deciding what he wants to do next. Hopefully, he just keeps doing what he has been doing for much longer than one album. Anyways, he released a new song, not sure what it is from but it's pretty solid.


Download it here.

Congratulations to Trevor Ariza for making himself a ridiculous amount of money over the last month.

No Words

The First Two People To Touch The Larry O'Brien Trophy Are Pictured Below

Buzzer sounds and Kobe is jumping around by himself throwing punches in the sky nearly knocking out his teammates (Trevor & Fish) as they run by to celebrate with others. I'm bitter and this is how I make myself feel a little better. But it is so stupid that anyone likes Kobe Bryant or tries to defend him as anything but a self-centered arrogant jerk face. He is a great player and I respect you if you acknowledge him as such and defend some of his actions as his drive to want to win so bad that he doesn't care about anyone else; but, if you buy into this crap that he says to the media and the way some of the media eats him up, I hate you for doing that. He celebrated by himself, then gave a big hug to Fish, then a bear hug to some rando trainer or something, then went over to his wife and kids who were talking about the boogers in one of his daughters nose. It was comical. Then it got sickening as he brought up the fam to the stage as the Bryant family took up the entire left side of the stage as his teammates huddled in the back row with Luke falling off one side and Phil the other. It was pathetic. His daughters touched the Larry O'Brien Trophy before Trevor Ariza & Pau Gasol & Derek Fisher and all of his teammates. What the fuck?!?!? Eddie House's son was prominent last year, but his son wasn't humping the trophy or anything. It really made me feel sick to see how much all of this was about Kobe and his reputation and him I guess trying to say something by giving so much attention to his family or maybe it shows that no one cares about him except for his family. Interesting. The Lakers won, great, awesome for them, congrats on beating the Magic. Just don't like Kobe.
Dwight Howard got fined $25K for not giving Kobe a hand shake after the game. JK, lolz!

So Ecstatic!

So, Justin has asked me to contribute once again to his blog after an approximately 10 month exile. Even though he has spent at least 8% of our friendship making fun of my iTunes, my task is to share good music with all 3 of his readers. The only problem is, there really has not been very good music being released lately, and Louis always posts the stuff that is worth listening to before the All-Cool Team even has a chance.
I was going to stick with the current theme of this blog and post Lil Wayne's lyrical fellatio of my least favorite superstar on my least favorite - albeit soon to be NBA champion - team. Couldn't do it. First of all, everyone has heard this by now. Second of all, no one (other than Lakers fans, who obviously have no business or reason to read this blog) really wants to hear that nonsense. The funny thing is, I thought that the song would have been a blessing in disguise for the Magic. I figured that Weezy was effectively breaking the 24 hour rule by sucking the "Rat" - as my Dad calls him when he makes that ridiculously stupid, comical face - off so close to game time. I guess that has not necessarily been the case, although Rat's 4th quarters have been pretty sub-par.

Anyways, back to music. There really is not a lot of excitement about any new worthwhile "summer" rap songs. Obviously, artists such as KiD CuDi, Drake, Wale, Mike Posner, etc. have done their thing so far this year, but there's been a lull of sorts for multiple weeks now. Having said that, I have spent a substantial amount of time lately listening to music that is far from mainstream. Specifically, I purchased the new Mos Def album, The Ecstatic, and came away impressed. Obviously, Mos is not a newcomer, nor is he some super underground artist. But, it's been a decent chunk of time since he made any ripples in the hip hop world. With that said, this CD is worth listening to all the way through. A lot of the songs are extremely short (between 1 and 3 minutes), but his flow is on point and the production is unique in that it samples a wide range of musical styles. It's refreshing to listen to rap where the lyrics carry some sort of meaning. My favorite song on the CD was:

Other high points included: History, Quiet Dog, Priority, and Life In Marvelous Times. I would mos def recommend giving this a listen.

Go FC Sounders!

Scott Foster Is Not Good At His Job

Scott Foster is the referee to the left of J.J. Officiating has been a hot topic, but everytime there was a bad call last night it seemed like Scott Foster was the one making the call. This is saying a lot when he was working with Bennett Salvatore. I didn't even notice Salvatore or the other dude, which is a good thing for them. Everytime a Laker or Magic player had beef with a call they found themselves arguing with Scott Foster. Foster told Pietrus not to point at him and Lamar & Pau yelled "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" at least three times each in reaction to terrible Foster calls. He was very inconsistent and was often blowing the whistle on calls that were not his to be made. He sucked. The Lakers probably got a little bit more screwed by Foster than the Magic did as the Magic opened up the game when the Lakers were forced to play Didier "Drogba" Ilunga-Mbenga & Powell & their whole entire roster except Morrison & Sun Yue :-( :-( :-(
Do you think Foster gets home and greets his wife and his wife says, "Honey, you did a great job tonight!"??? No, absolutely not, because he is not good at officiating National Basketball Association games.

Jimmy Kimmel Strikes Again

The "you're my favorite water ski accident" line made me laugh really loudly even though no one else was around.
Kevin "Outlet Pass!" Love, Tyson Chandler & Blake Griffin made a funny skit too, I hope I can find it.
Guillermo from the show interviewed Kobe, Kobe wasn't funny, Guillermo was. Surprised?
Here is Part 2 of the Dwyane Wade autograph session.

The Most Frustrating Team In The World

I can't imagine being a real Magic fan, instead of just a very anti-Laker fan. They are the streakiest and stupidest team ever that inexcusably loses focus in the biggest spots. They cannot hold a lead evidenced by the third quarter and will shoot 75% one game and poop in their pants the next. The Magic did everything wrong and lost like they should have. They should have won though! They were a free throw away, a smart pass instead of a dumb Pietrus shot away, or a logical defense play or foul by Jameer Nelson from evening the series. Now they are done. Bye bye. Orlando is the most random city in the United States and there is no way anyone is actually from Orlando. There is nothing to do there as the downtown area has less going on than Watertown Square. Orlando, the city, and now the Magic, certainly do not deserve a NBA title.
The biggest "fuck you Magic" moment I had was the last play of regulation. The Magic set up a terrible inbounds play and called timeout. They set up a new bad one and should have called time out. Pietrus stood with the ball and looked like he was going to do nothing. Doing nothing probably would have been better. Somehow he moved, and then somehow drew three defenders, which left a WIDE OPEN Rashard Lewis in the corner. I don't care if Rashard did absolutely zip zero stingy with Robert De Niro during the game, he is going to hit the wide open jumper with the game on the line. Instead, Mickael Pietrus took a shitty shot and missed it. In the picture above Rashard is to the left of the referee, you can't see him, but he is open.
Jameer is an id. You know what play I'm talking about. When the Magic absolutely fuck up so bad on defense they know they have and for some reason they turn to Stan Van and try to immediately defend their terrible defense harder than the original play. I hope that made sense. Hedo did that in Game 3 when he left Trevor Ariza wide open for a big three. The Magic are scared of what Stan Van is going to yell at them.
The Magic are frustrating because they are idiots. They don't make free throws and choke really hard. Hedo said something about the teams "stupidness" in his press conference, but I don't know what he exactly said.
Bright spots: 1. Pau looked like he had pink eye or like he was crying for about a quarter after getting hit in the face. 2. "That drunk milf in the background fall when trying to sit down." Gr8 quote from Spence who soon will be launching his own blog, be on the look out for that. The drunken milf was my favorite part of the game as she successfully got on TV, and then promptly fell over when trying to sit back down and her friends did not notice. 3. France and Spain hating each other after the Pietrus and Gasol tussle. 4. J.J. Redick's slip and travel that wasn't called that turned into a hedo lay-up.
Not so bright spots: 1. Courtney Lee didn't play enough for me to even notice if he was wearing a NBA Logo headband. 2. Jameer Nelson (who admits he is playing like shit) played the entire fourth quarter. 3. J.J. Redick was probably the best player for the Magic and I sort of started to like him and his game. He is cooler when he isn't a pompous prick. 4. Watching Pau chest bump every player on the Lakers SUCKED SO MUCH.

That's How I Beat Pau

Pau Gasol is ugly. We know this. He is really good though and I know that if Kobe does win a championship he would have never done it without Pau much like Shaq. I would also love nothing more if Pau won the Finals MVP award, if the lakers were to unfortunately win. Anyways, Pau has terrible hair and a terrible beard, especially the neard. That is why I am calling for someone in the world to tell him to clean it up or to go to a decent barber. He would look infinitely better. He trimmed his beard today, but he still looks bad and I don't get why someone on the team doesn't just get clippers and buzz off that neard shit while he is taking a cat nap. The problem is Pau will look a little better, but as we know he will still be in trouble as evidenced by a younger Pau with no beard and shorter hair and perfect shirt:

<3 This

The Lakers play better when this guy is not on the floor. Phil is pretty awesome and I still believe he secretly hates Kobe.

Hi Pigeon

Who knew Corey Maggette could be funny when his muscles & contract are so scary?!?!? The Jimmy Kimmel pre-game show quietly produces YouTube gems involving NBA Players. It is "can't miss" television, but then you can skip the actual pre-game show because Magic Johnson is so terrible.
Anyways, read the post below this after watching the clip.

The Key to the Series!!!!

The Magic are 1-0 in the NBA Finals when Courtney Lee wears an NBA Logo headband instead of an NBA Finals Trophy headband!! How is no one talking about this yet? Everyone will soon pick up on it after this awesome post just like everyone started to talk about Kobe's not really intimidating scowl after I first famously ripped it. It swings the series back in the Magic favor when Lee rocks the conventional headband. Not only is it not stupid, but it allows Lee & the entire Magic team to play much better and shoot unbelievably well. The Magic shot what 65%? Any coincidence that Lee was wearing the NBA Logo headband when that happened? Game 1: stupid headband. What happens? Lee gets abused by "The Closer" (as I will continue to refer to him, even though he misses more free throws than Dwight Howard and gets stripped by him) and the Magic got torched. Game 2: stupid headband. What happens? Magic play a little better as they aren't as shocked by the ugliness of Lee's headband, but Lee is cursed by wearing it and misses a lay-up with 10 seconds left (that Jeff Van Gundy ridiculously says he should have dunked) and misses a pseudo-lay-up with 1 second left although it was really difficult. Game 3: traditional sick headband. What happens? Lee D's the shit out of Kobe and makes Pietrus look like an idiot for giving up 17 points to him in the first quarter. Lee not only draws offensive fouls on Kobe and forces tough shots, but then later said "Hey Derek, tell me how my dunk tastes!!!!" The Magic win by 4 and shoot lights out. The power of the headband! Dwight is pissed in the above photo because he is criticizing Lee for ever wearing the stupid headband in the first two games. Dwight was mic'd up during this interaction, the feed went only to my house where my Dad & I heard it, but Dwight said "Courtney look how well we are shooting bro, I am even making my running jump hooks and dunking the ball. Goly jeez why would you ever wear that stupid headband?" Good advice from a strong leader. Dwight forgot to mention how cool Courtney's shoes are too, but it makes sense as he was preoccupied with how cool his own Adidas shoes are, the ones that might make Adidas popular for 3 months. By the way, Dwight really wants to win this series. He is focused beyond belief. He only smiles 6 times a day instead of his usual 19 and he has given up swearing until the Finals are over. Wait, he never swears ever? Oh.

Birdman & Amar'e Throw Up Horns!

This was on the Jimmy Kimmel show directly before the game last night, and for me, was probably more entertaining than the game itself. I love watching NBA players do things besides basketball and be funny and it was so awesome because The Birdman & Amar'e were both involved. Two of the coolest dudes in the NBA on "The Team Mating Game"!!!! It was funny, they showed their personalities, Birdman was gr8, Amar'e told everyone that Grant Hill likes dudes and has big ears. What more can you ask for? NBA Players are the coolest people on the planet and do things all us regular cool people aspire to do and they do it on a regular basis. They can have millions of tattoos, waste millions of dollars, party for millions of hours, and anytime I can catch a snippet of their lives off the court I will watch. How does this not become a real show? I would watch it every day if it was 30 minutes or an hour long. It is way better than Family Fued with NBA players, which was still cool, but we get to learn who hangs out with who and what weird shit they do and like and make fun of each other about. I demand this show happen and that Jimmy Kimmel keeps doing this before every NBA Finals game!!!!!

Sasha Compares Kobe's Scowl to Hannibal Lector

Thanks to a reader's comment I was able to find this gem of a video clip about my least favorite thing about Kobe. This ranks at the bottom of facial expressions or patented things you do with your face when something cool happens, way below MJ's famous tongue out and KG's lip curl. The thing about MJ is that he would stick his tongue out even before the play would be completed and when it came out you know something badass was going to happen. You don't see Kobe scowling as he tries to draw a foul on Pietrus and bank in some And 1 crap.

Initial Reactions to Game 2

Very upsetting, but it wasn't all bad as there was some highly entertaining material in the end of Game 2. This is despite 1. uber poor officiating (which primarily hurt the Magic, but the call in OT that went against Kobe off his leg was really bad too); 2. Kobe's acting, complaining and flailing worse than Paul Pierce; 3. Pau's extreme incessant excessive grunting whenever he attempts a shot; and 4. the TWO missed lay-ups by Courtney Lee at the end of regulation.
What is there to take away from Game 2? Basically, all of the good stems from the last possession for the Lakers in regulation with 9 tics remaining. Kobe got the ball with Hedo covering him, took it towards the basket and was swarmed by four defenders. Hedo beautifully blocked the ball, got it and called timeout. What's cool about this you ask? The Magic know that Hedo's length disturbs Kobe and at the end of the game and in the fourth quarter Hedo can potentially lock up Kobe or at least contain him, probably more effectively than Pietrus who fouled out for clipping his nails on the court and his nail hitting Kobe by accident. On that last possession Kobe upset not one but TWO of his teammates. Lamar was wide open in the near corner when the quadruple-team came and Lamar hit every open jumper he took that night. Ariza was wide open in his spot too. Both complained to Kobe and even yelled at him as he stormed back to the bench where he proceeded to punch the bench (like Sasha did last year in the Finals) and plopped down. Then Phil Jackson SMILED!!!! He laughed at Kobe. Why? I have no idea, but I really hope he secretly hates Kobe as much as I do and doesn't mind seeing him fail because he is such a meanyhead. It was so awesome. Phil didn't hide it at all; he blatantly smiled when Kobe punched the bench. I rewinded that joint three times bro. He wasn't smiling before it happened, then it happened, and then he was smiling. I don't know how anyone can possibly like the Lakers and defend them when Kobe & Pau are so gross and so unlikable and so terrible to watch and look at in high definition. Phil doesn't even like his star player on his team. That’s cool.
Another question, why doesn't the NBA go back to a 2-2-1-1-1 format when the only reason the 2-3-2 exists is because the Lakers complained in 1984 about having to travel from L.A. to Boston too often? There are two days off before Game 4 & 5, I am pretty sure both teams can adjust in plenty of time and it obviously makes the series more competitive and likely to go the full 7.
Lastly, Dwight’s kicks were on point tonight. I don’t know what they were exactly, but they were Adidas and I still liked them so that is saying a lot.

Game 1 Thoughts

An embarrassing performance by the Magic, who looked scared shitless to be there. They had a good first quarter, but once their lead went from up five and quickly to down five, SVG had to call two timeouts and after that they sucked worse. Everyone looked scared and didn't look like they wanted to compete to come back from a double-digit deficit in the same way they did against Boston & Cleveland. The only explanation is nerves and to blame each player on the Magic team except J.J. Redick.
Before I kill everyone on the Magic through a keyboard I want to make one point. Earvin “Magic” Johnson never ever says the Orlando Magic instead he says the Orlando Magics. How is this possible when your name is Magic? Don’t you know how to say your own name? Why must you always say “Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magicsssss look like poop tonight”?
Starting with Dwight Howard, who looked ready to go with his super cool Adidas arm sleeve that no one else rocks because no one else is sponsored by Adidas. I would get one and not wear it if I didn’t think Adidas was stupid. Anyways, Dwight had one field goal and he made that bucket with a running lefty jump hook in the first quarter I believe. Dwight didn’t have a dunk and the Lakers exposed his lack of a post game. Pau flopped a couple times, Bynum hacked him a couple times, either way Dwight looked awful. For some reason there were a couple possessions where Rafer or Jameer would dump it into Dwight, the Lakers would sag off so he’d kick it out, the point guard would put it back in, he’d kick it out, they would put it back in, he’d kick it out and they would miss a three. Great offense. Dwight looks good when he squares up his defender, but after that it is complete shit. He puts his head down and commits an offensive foul or throws up garbage towards the hoop. Someone praised Patrick Ewing on the broadcast last night then Dwight never scored another field goal. Patrick Chewing makes a good commercial, but can’t teach the most athletic almost seven footer ever how to put the ball in the basket. And his touch isn’t even that bad.
Jameer played unbelievable for eight minutes, but the problem is Rafer gets jealous or can’t handle it and when he comes back in, he completely sucks. Rafer only played well last series when he played 35 minutes and even hit some open 3’s. Jameer had 4 assists in 10 seconds and hit an open jumper. It all looked good, but really he did nothing after that, especially in the second half and when everyone on the team is missing 3’s you cant rely on Jameer or Rafer to hit 3’s either. They just made everything worse by shooting 3’s and you have to expect the Lakers to keep letting them take the open shots.
I have watched pretty much every Magic game and continue to see Tony Battie get minutes and preposterously keep shooting jump shots. When in his career has Battie ever hit a jumper and why in the Playoffs is he allowed to shoot. He bricked the shit out of his two jump shots and it made me so angry. I have seen him hit ONE jumper out of FIFTEEN or so this playoffs and the one he made rattled around, came out, hit the backboard and went in. I don’t want to see another jump shot by Battie ever again, but can live with him locking down Pau.
Gortat should be starting for some team and likely will after this offseason. He finishes well around the basket, somehow hit a jump shot last night, and plays pretty good defense. The Magicssss usually don’t lose anything when he steps on the floor and were playing both him and Dwight at the same time in the fourth because Rashard was so bad.
How does Rashard go from looking like he deserves his max contract to looking like how he used to play in Seattle in one game? He sucked. Couldn’t hit a 3 or a mid range jumper and was afraid to take it to the basket and when he did he threw a lefty lay-up against the backboard really hard.
Hedo didn’t show up either after quarter number one, and when they ran the pick & roll for him, he did nothing with it. Contrarily, Kobe abused the Magic with the pick & roll.
Pietrus was worried about which shoes he should wear and then proceeded to airball 47 shots and start the game 0-5. He was of no help guarding Kobe, and thinking about it now, he was good against LeBron because he let LeBron shoot jumpers and contained him when he tried to get to the basket and even blocked some shots. He let Kobe shoot jumpers and he can’t do that obviously, and he got destroyed on every Gasol screen and never recovered.
Courtney Lee wore a stupid NBA Finals headband then proceeded to get destroyed defensively on every possession because he is a rookie and he is not at all very tall. If you play Lee you can’t play Rafer or Jameer, you have to let Hedo run the point and slow everything down, which isn’t good either because the Magic only played well out of transition.
Maybe all of this is attributed to the Lakers defense and their length, but really all the Magic need to do is get ready for the fucking game and play hard and then their shots will fall. The Magic sucked and I hope they adjust or I will have to listen to the “Kobe Bryant” Lil Wayne song on repeat for a whole month.

I h8 You!

Although your performance last night was painfully unbelievable, I can still manage to hate you Kobe because you make faces like this! This is the stupidest, least intimidating, most awkward way to celebrate anything or try to be mean or anything. Kobe has no idea what to do, so this face he has tried to make his trademark when he does something awesome like bank in an And 1. It doesn't work because it sucks and I hate him when he does it and because he does it. I was impressed with his performance and making it impossible to guard him, but how can anyone like Kobe or root for him when this is the face he makes. I would laugh at him if I was Ariza. I want someone to replicate it when I play basketball so I can laugh at them when they are trying to be serious.

Eyes All Sticky Like Honey On Bees

Nice Hat Jonah!

Connect 4 - Jonah Hill vs. Kanye from kwest on Vimeo.

Breaking News on Stan Van Gundy's Mustache!!

:-) If Jameer Nelson returns for the NBA Finals that would be so fucking cool. I don't know if he'd be good, but he is more consistent than Rafer Alston & he destroyed the Lakers when the Magic beat LA in LA in the regular season.
:-( If you are interested, my boring prediction is the Lakers will win in 6. It pains me to say it & I hope I am wrong even though I have rooted against the Magic for three straight series. The Magic are pretty cool I have to admit. It just seems way too difficult for the Magic to win three straight at home and it's unlikely they will win if LA if the Lakers play like they did in Game 6 against the Nugs.
:-) Varejao & Ben Wallace are better defenders than Bynum & Gasol, but Big Z was pretty terrible & slow, so it will be interesting to see how Dwight fares in the Finals. The match-up problem everyone talks about that Rashard Lewis creates should be interesting. If the Lakers play Pau & Odom at the 4 & 5 to match up with Dwight & Rashard that leaves the Dwight-Pau mismatch. If Bynum & Gasol play 4-5 there is no way Pau can guard Rashard either. But Rashard can't guard Pau. But 3 points are worth more than 2. I don't know what is going to happen with this, that is why everyone including Charles Barkley is taking about it. If I'm the Lakers I play Pau & Odom and double off Rafer or Courtney Lee (whoever is playing) and make him beat you. The Magic hopef won't play Rafer in the 4th and rely on the Lee, Pietrus, Hedo, Rashard & Dwight lineup, which the Lakers will counter with Fish, Kobe, Ariza, Odom & Pau. Pietrus did well against LeBron, so that should carry over against Kobe. The Magic have to dump it in to Dwight to take advantage of the biggest mismatch on the floor even if he cries after winning the Eastern Conference Finals and cries that LeBron & Kobe get too much attention and cries that Stan doesn't allow him to touch the ball enough.
:-( LeBron walked off without talking to the media or congratulating the Magic. Everyone is making a big deal out of this. He did the same thing to the Celtics last year. I don't care that he did it either time and understand it because he does every interview after halftime and games every time and always says the right thing and what the media wants to hear, so why are they complaining now?

Bun B Calls Magic "Erwin"

Pennies [Remix] (Feat. Ludacris & Bun B) - The Cool Kids

I really like The Cool Kids even though I'm not a big fan of The Gone Fishing Mixtape, just this song and a couple others. I am excited for their second album. Their name has "Cool" in it so naturally this blog is a fan of them.
The Nuggets are Gone Fishin' too. Coincidence? Who knows, but I am upset about it.

Give You Cold Looks Cause We Look Cold

Kanye West Paranoid Official Music Video from bonna dona on Vimeo.

New music video from the coolest man on the planet! Every new music video is fresh and unique, something you never seen before, and obviously cool. The Air Yeezy's have sneaker heads going crazy and every rapper ever has a pair I am pretty sure. In the video, Rihanna is pretty much naked. I don't know why or how he got her to do it.

Kanye then claims that the above video was leaked and is an "old and very wrong version."

Feeling On Your Butt, What?

The title of this post has nothing to do with what I am going to write. It is just my favorite line from “Blame It” on the a-a-a-alcohol because of the way Jamie Foxx says it. Newayz, I want to make a couple points about the Magic-Cavs series.
First off, I hate that everyone who talks about basketball in the media is saying that the Cavs are one great shot (which it was) by LeBron in Game 2 from getting swept. It is stupid to say because it says nothing. The Cavs are one great shot by Rashard Lewis in Game 4 - that gave the Magic a two point lead with six seconds left - from the series being tied. They make it seem like the Cavs should have been swept when it could very easily be tied using that same logic.
On to Dwight Howard. He looked phenomenal in the first quarter of Game 4 as he was making legitimate post moves, not just relying on his only perceived ability of being able to dunk to score. He then looked atrocious in the fourth quarter, forcing up terrible shots that were rushed and looked like he was getting p0wnd by Kendrick Perkins again. He then flipped again and looked great in OT by using his body and speed and mobility to destroy Ilgauskas and Varejao. It is amazing how inconsistent he is with the ability to dominate that he possesses. My question: how has he not developed a couple of go to post moves besides the dunk and the horrible running across the lane jump hook? Patrick Ewing must be a terrible Big Man Coach. Dwight this series has shown that he can hit the free throws when they count and the thing about him, unlike Shaq or other terrible free throw shooters, is that his form looks good! Tim Duncan is not that great of a free throw shooter yet has developed the unguardable bank shot and jump hook, which he has utilized to make him one of the best bigs ever to play the game. How has Dwight Howard not yet learned the square up bank shot yet? He could definitely use it and kill everyone in the league. Once they started biting on his pump fake he would take one dribble and shatter the backboard with a vicious dunk. I should be his big man coach even though I haven’t yet developed the bank shot.
I am going to make one point briefly because it is a little ridiculous. I rewatched the last shot of Game 4 too many times, LeBron’s step back attempt at a game winner from half court. It was a pretty good look and a pretty good try as it was pretty close. But, when I looked at it, Courtney Lee goes to double LeBron and leave Delonte West pretty much wide open for a much easier and closer shot. Of course, LeBron would get hammered by the media for not taking the big shot at the end of the game, but there was plenty of time to make the pass and for Delonte to get off a clean three for the win. A much better option. Also, LeBron’s three while tiptoeing the sidelines to make the game even a game in OT was UNBELIEVABLE and probably a harder shot than the Game 2 winner, but with less obviously on the line.
Oh yeah, what happened at the end of the fourth? Why didn't Stan call a timeout when it was obvious they weren't going to get a good shot? Mickael Pietrus wound up taking one of the worse shots ever but got bailed out by Dwight hustling after the loose ball. Then Rashard hit the three of course.

Game 4: Nuggets – Lakers | Running Notes & Thoughts

==> Chauncey Billups has slapped hands with at least 20 people (including coaches, players, and peeps in the stands) right before the game is set to begin. Do you think he is worried about if he got everyone?
==> Why is each starter allowed to hold on to the ball and dribble it and put it over their head before tip-off? Do some players have pre-game ball rituals? What would mine be? Do I have to be a superstar or point guard to get to feel the ball? Andre Bynum doesn’t dribble it around.
==> A tattoo on my neck of red lips is probably the last tattoo in the world I would ever get. If I was in the NBA, I guarantee I would have a neck tattoo. For real.
==> Have you seen Birdman give interviews with his hair straight and combed? You should. His persona and look on the court is so crazy, how does he try to be a normaler looking person off the court and succeed?
==> Lamar Odom blocks another inbound pass. Good thing it is still the first quarter.
==> Luke Walton is poop.
==> Lamar Odom is the only Laker I like.
==> Kobe banks in a runner at the end of the first quarter. Mark Jackson makes a joke no one saw coming about the bank being open on a holiday. I bet Sean Marshall laughed. More importantly, Kobe’s jersey is way too big. He is swimming in it. His shorts are baggy too. Diana Taurasi looks better in her jersey in the WNBA ads.
==> J.R. Smith hits a floater and proceeds to let Sasha know about it. Birdman then deflates the ball against the backboard. To say that the Nuggets bench has a lot of energy would be an understatement.
==> I saw something the other day about how when AI first got traded to the Nuggets that both Carmelo & J.R. Smith had a hard time keeping up with his partying because AI was out until 3AM. Do you think they have been able to keep up with Birdman’s partying?
==> J.R. Smith is somehow really good at passing, but one of my favorite things is when after players make the pass they turn their heads to make it look more like a no-look pass or just way cooler.
==> Kobe makes a turn around jumper over Anthony Carter for an And 1, then makes his stupid stupid face when he hits shots and sticks out his jaw and lower lip almost. I don’t know how to describe it or explain what he is doing because he is so uncomfortable and stupid. Almost as stupid as his purple & gold headphones.
==> I am bored during halftime so I have been looking at pictures of Kobe Bryant and found the picture below. He is sitting next to Sun Yue I assume, but whyyyyyyy???? Because he has no friends and no one likes him and he is an arrogant jerkhead.
==> Halftime special on Chris Andersen, the real guy not The Birdman. I learned nothing like usual and am glad his hair is like it is now instead of how it was when he tried the same dunk 31 times in the dunk contest.
==> Dahntay Jones trips Kobe. Kobe is upset. I’m not.
==> Chris Andersen just shot a three. I’m upset. He’s not. Sasha missed one right after. They have the same 3PT FG% this game!
==> Sasha hit one, oops.
==> Jeff Van Gundy doesn’t like that 7 Technical Fouls in the Playoffs results in an automatic suspension because 7 is an arbitrary number. He then suggests 9 or 11 games without explanation. Those are also numbers.
==> My favorite part about the Shaq & Kobe alley-oop against the Blazers commercial is that Kobe tries to high-five Shaq, but Shaq sort of looks and ignores it and then celebrates by pointing up into the stands.
==> The Nuggets Trainer has a gr8 mustache & Big Shot with a BIG SHOT.
==> Slo-Mo shot of J.R. pounding his chest with both hands, first person I’ve seen do that, and yells “mother fucker” at the same time.
==> I wonder if Bynum gets excited at Christmas or what he is like drunk.
==> “Look at my arm! Look at my arm!” – Pau Gasol
==> J.R. Smith hits two COLOSSAL threes then does a chicken dance back the other way. I hope I can find a picture of it to make my profile picture. J.R. celebrates like no one else in the NBA, HE IS THE FUCKING MAN!!!!!!!!!!
==> Mike Posner "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" drops now too!! Best day ever!!

Amar'e Doesn't Know Who Kelenna Azubuike Is!

The Suns didn't make the Playoffs meaning that perhaps the leagues coolest player, Amar'e Stoudemire, is ineligible for the 2009 NBA Playoffs All-Cool Roster. However, he was entered into a Spelling Bee by NBA.com and asked to spell players names, doing some with ease and others not so much. Of course Amar'e looks hip with his glasses, beanie & mustache!

THE COOLEST SHOT EVER

I SHOULD RENAME THIS BLOG AND CALL IT "THE LEBRON IS THE ONLY COOL PERSON IN THE WORLD AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST TRYING TO BE LIKE HIM BLOG!!!!!" WARNING: THIS POST WILL BE IN ALL CAPS (KANYE WEST STYLE) BECAUSE I JUST WITNESSED THE GREATEST SHOT I HAVE EVEN SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE. NS;V;NA;LSNVLANRLEKNRGLKNAELKNGLANSNAE'NBAKLNASDLNVLASNDVLNA
LGNREGOR[UNQEOGNRQEGNR'LNJSVNADSNVDNSVADNSKVJSADKBVKJSABDVJBA
SNVIOAVIONLJNSDLVKNLASNDVLKNASDLVNLSADNVLKNSADLVNL'KSADN
THAT IS HOW I FEEL!!! I FOUND MYSELF STRANGELY ROOTING FOR THE MAGIC FOR A LITTLE BIT, PROBABLY BECAUSE I JUST WANTED THEM TO MAKE IT CLOSE SO LEBRON COULD DO SOMETHING AMAZING AND HE DID. I WANT THE CAVS TO PLAY AS MANY GAMES AS POSSIBLE SO I CAN CONTINUE TO WATCH THE MOST AMAZING PLAYER EVER CONTINUE TO DO SOMETHING I COULD NEVER HAVE EXPECTED. HE ABSOLUTELY DOES EVERYTHING. CRITICIZE HIM FOR NOT HITTING BIG GAME WINNERS AND HE JUST HIT THE BIGGEST GAME WINNER EVER. HE SAVED THE SERIES!!! THE MAGIC DID EVERYTHING PERFECT EVER FOR A WHILE AND HEDO, RASHARD & PIETRUS WERE THE BIGGEST BOSSES EVER, WHICH IS WHY I RESPECT AND SORT OF LIKE THEM NOW. THEY ARE THE COCKIEST DOUCHES EVER AND TURKOGLU DOESN'T CARE THAT HIS NAME IS SILLY, THAT HIS HAIR LOOKS WORSE THAN JEFF VAN GUNDY'S (STAN'S BRO), AND THAT HIS BODY LOOKS LIKE JELLO. THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. PIETRUS SOMEHOW CAN SORT OF GUARD LEBRON AND BLOCK HIS SHOT. I FEEL LIKE THE MAGIC WILL WIN, WHICH WOULD OBS PISS ME OFF BECAUSE THAT WOULD PREVENT LEBRON FROM PLAYING MORE GAMES, BUT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT THE MAGICIANS! BACK TO LEBRON: HOLY SHIT!!!!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT. ONE SECOND, FADING AWAY, RATTLES IT HOME. HE DEFINES AMAZING. LEBRON = AMAZING. IT IS LIKE THE MOST WELL KNOWN THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. IT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN 2+2=4 AND I AM MORE SURE THAT LEBRON IS AMAZING THAN THAT THE SUN WILL RISE TOMORROW. I WANT TO SEE WHAT HE WEARS POST GAME AND TOMORROW AND THE NEXT DAY. I WISH A CAMERA WAS ON HIM AT ALL TIMES. I WANT TO KNOW IF HIS LEG STARTS TO BLEED A LITTLE BIT, MAKE SURE I KNOW THIS. LEBRON JAMES IS THE FUCKING MAN. THE CAVS SEASON WAS OVER, BUT IN ONE SECOND LEBRON CHANGED THAT AND HE HAS NO ONE ON HIS TEAM THAT SHOWS UP IN THE FOURTH TO HELP HIM, EXCEPT MO SOMETIMES LIKE THE BIG 3 HE HIT. I WOULD DO ANYTHING LEBRON EVER TOLD ME TO DO AND WILL REPLICATE ANYTHING HE EVER DOES THAT IS COOL, WHICH IS EVERYTHING. LEBRON WAS IN MY DREAM THE OTHER NIGHT AND I SOMEHOW GOT INTO HIS ENTOURAGE AND I HAD THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE EXCEPT THAT IT WASN’T HAPPENING, BUT I’M STILL CERTAIN THAT IT WAS COOLER THAN ANYTHING I HAVE OR WILL EVER DO IN THE REAL WORLD, UNLESS LOUIS FRANK AND ALL OF KENNEBUNK IS INVOLVED. I AM WEARING CAPRI’D SWEATPANTS IN HIS HONOR FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND. THIS IS LEBRON’S CRAIG EHLO SHOT, BUT IT WAS SOOOO MUCH COOLER BECAUSE I GOT TO SEE IT LIVE, IT WAS MORE DIFFICULT AND BECAUSE LEBRON IS GOING TO BE BETTER THAN MJ. BOOM I SAID IT.

The Coolest Outfit Ever

LeBron pays his stylist mad duckets to make him look this cool and he does look so cool evidenced by the coolest outfit ever. His head is kind of weirdly shaped, he has a wide jaw and skinny forehead, so he looks silly in sunglasses, but he for damn sure can makes the vest and tie look cool. He unfortunately lost Game 1, although it was entertaining, but will 100% for certain win Game 2 tonight. Single-handedly if he has too.

My Man Crush on the 2009 NBA Playoffs Coolest Bro

I would like to formally announce that Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James is the coolest player in the 2009 NBA Playoffs. I am not sure how long this post is going to be because there are sooo many pictures & videos of LeBron that I could use as evidence backing up my claim. The Cavs are 8-0 and are by far the most dominant team in the Playoffs so far. LeBron is amazing. Everyone knew that they were going to sweep the Pistons & Hawks, but we still watched. Why? Because LeBron is always capable of doing something we have never seen before. The mind-blowing run he had against the Pistons a couple years ago where he scored 30 something points in a row on the road was just the beginning. We will see something like that this year. The dunk on KG last year in the Eastern Conference semis was unbelievable. This year however, LeBron's coolness has been so high because of things he wears, does in pre-game or practice, or what he orchestrates during lineups. I will show you as much as I can, here we go!



The underhand half court shot started it all. He does it so nonchalantly and so fucking often it is awe-inspiring. He did it on the first try, I assume, on 60 minutes. He inspired me to do it every single time I step on a basketball court and I have only made it probably twice over the past two months. It would take him five shots to make it twice. He does so many awesome and unbelievable things that I have to use my thesaurus so I don't say unbelievable and amazing every sentence. He hit the casual step back jump shot from half court at the end of a half against the Hawks this year. And recently he did this, in practice because the Cavs never lose and they have to wait for Dwight Howard and his running jump hook shattering the backboard:



I show you this shot because it is amazingly awesomely unbelievable, because he is so strong, but mainly because LeBron is wearing CAPRI'D SWEATPANTS. LeBron obviously checks both David Liss’s Facebook accounts and mine or has his stylist do it for him to learn all the latest trends. The Capri'd Sweatpants look mainly means that you cut regular sweatpants to make extremely long sweat shorts that are both comfortable because they are sweatpants (omg, so comfy) and shorts (omg, so free and comfy)!! They aren't capri pants, like what Nadal wears, which causes a lot of confusion for haters of the capri'd sweatpants look. Ex-California D-I walk-on basketball player David Liss first executed this look. Dave boldly pulled off this look while still at Cal and when his teammates would wear matching sweatsuits after games and have to greet all their friends and family and receive free cookies and Gatorades. Dave still sported this look even though he was a walk-on and DeVon Hardin probably made fun of him, but in his deepest of hearts Dave knew that this look would soon sweep the basketball world. He may have not looked cool then but he certainly does now! So, LeBron is the clear-cut coolest player of the 2009 NBA Playoffs, but David Liss's contributions should not be understated.
Back to Lebron:Although I am not the biggest proponent of any LeBron James shoe, it was a nifty idea for LeBron to have his own MVP shoe that he boldly rocked after winning the award, then destroyed the Hawks, then probably gave them to Brian Urlacher or someone famous. The LeBron VI’s came in some cool colors and some cool editions, but only LeBron got to wear them because Nike only sold the shitty colors and nobody bought them and if they did they should have immediately returned them. This is the only thing that doesn’t make sense about LeBron (except that his initials are tattooed on his triceps like everyone else in the NBA) because he wears the coolest things ever off the court especially when he accepted his MVP Award at his high school:

I guess I could include videos of him dunking and stuff or pretending to take pictures with his team before each game, but you have already seen these. The point is he is fucking amazingly cool and he has the most fun any athlete has ever had probably because he is so good at his job of putting a NBA regulation sized basketball through a hoop ten feet in the air. LeBron James is the starting Small Forward on the 2009 NBA Playoffs All-Cool Team. More players to come later when I feel like it. Players on teams that already have been eliminated are eligible unless you are French, have long hair and celebrate excessively.

J.R. Smith is Really Good at Dunking

J.R. Smith replaced Rudy Gay in the dunk contest for some reason, which even though I hyped the shit out of Rudy is still cool. J.R. Smith is really cool as he is really good at jumping and throwing basketballs through the rim at high velocities & he shoots an insane amount of bad three pointers. The coolest thing about his dunking capabilities is that he can jump off either foot, which is extremely difficult, like really really hard. I don't think I can touch the rim when I jump off my right foot & try to reach the rim with my left hand. I also am just as tall as Yao Ming, keep that in mind. So here are some dunk videos of J.R. Get excited!
Off the left foot
Off the right foot
Off two feet

Quick Dunk Contest Preview: Too Many Rudy's!

I am very excited for the NBA Slam Dunk Contest coming up this Saturday & as a result have been watching so many YouTube videos of sick dunks & last years contest & of Dwight Howard bench press 14 plates on both sides. So here is what I think will happen:

Rudy Fernandez: Voted in by the fans over my boy Russell Westbrook was a terrible choice by the NBA fans that vote for these things. Rudy is really good at finishing alley oops, speaking Spanish & saying "surprise". Here is Rudy's Sprite preview commercial, YouTube clip thing & as you will see he dunks the ball twice & they are dunks Danny "Kondor" Brown does when he plays Knockout/Bump. The only reason he is in it is because the Trail Blazers are team of the Internet because they are cool, young, good, half of the team blogs, one of them has a really terrible beard & wrinkles in his head & because Steve Blake plays/played more than Jerryd Bayless. The Internet peeps love them & thus voted for him.

Nate Robinson: He is really short & really good at jumping, but he doesn't have enough dunks in his arsenal to win a Dunk Contest (even though he did) & won't win in this year. It is always exciting when he dunks in games, but in the Dunk Contest he throws it off the backboard 15 times until he finishes his not that creative dunk. Now that I look at this video though, his between the legs one is pretty nice. I think Rudy beats him out to make it to the finals though.

Rudy Gay: This dunk is WAY UNDERRATED!!!! Chuck & Kenny shit on this dunk, but it is Departed sick, bro! Off some shit behind the backboard & then has to duck to avoid the backboard itself then windmill, MMMMMMMM!!! I am expecting big things from Rudy & look forward to four incredible OMG dunks from him.

Dwight Howard: The most creative Dunk Contest participant ever. The sticker dunk, the Superman dunk (which is unbelievable because of where he takes off & the fact that Jameer throws him the ball from way out of bounds & over the backboard, the timing OMG), the off the back of the backboard dunk (my fav), the unexplainable tap dunk, and every dunk he has on/over/on top/through people every night. He is the strongest human living with a smile that makes you want to buy Crest White Strips. No question in my mind he wins again & does some crazy shit.

Justin Darlington is the best dunker out of everyone in the world though (starts around 1:30)!
Why does YouTube give you the option of watching a higher quality video?