Rays & Phils, Yay!

I hate Matt Garza. I hate the Rays stupid mohawks. Wow, so awesome when everyone on your team gets them even your manager, Joe Maddon. Grow some playoff beards. I hate that the World Series is featuring the Tampa Bay Rays & Philadelphia Phillies. I hate the Rays. I don’t want Philadelphia to win a championship in any sport, so I’m torn. Who’s going to win? The Rays. Psycho Matt Garza versus Jamie Moyer is the match up for Game 3 & 7 (if necessary!), shouldn’t even be close. The Rays destroyed Tim Wakefield knuckleballs at Fenway. The Rays are going to destroy Jamie Moyer little league fastballs in Citizens Bank Park where Ryan Howard hits 30 pop-ups to left field that end up being home runs a year.
I didn’t watch Game 1 or 2, not because I’m not over the Red Sox losing, but because I don’t care. Or because I’m not staying up till 5 AM to watch them in Scotland. Each team has cool players. B.J. Upton & Evan Longoria look like they are going to be the best players ever for the next million years and David Price too. B.J. Upton’s stupid mohawk however is exceptionally terrible as is Carl Crawford’s. Shane Victorino is the man and does everything well. Chase Utley said “Boo, fuck you!” to New York Yankees fans at the All-Star Game. That is CJ-Raw’s favorite clip. Weirdest thing about the Rays besides everyone thinking Joe Maddon is the greatest manager ever even though he sucks, is the Rocco Baldelli and Gabe Gross right fielding situation. Rocco can only sprint four times a game, but is infinitely better than Gabe Gross who did everything he could to help the Red Sox win the best comeback like ever, Game 5 of course. Rocco of course killed the Red Sox in Game 4 & 7, and fielded fly balls hit to him. Anyways, Rays & Phillies, don’t care. Don’t care that Jimmy Rollins leaves 11 guys on a game. The only way I’m watching a game is if the Phillies have a chance to win the series and waiting for the celebration and the slight chance manager Charlie Manuel (pictured) tries to chest bump someone else.
Am I bitter about the Red Sox? Sort of because I hate the Rays a lot right now, but they just didn’t have the same feel this year, they weren’t really good. Like the Phillies, the Sox weren’t good. They didn’t even have a good series. Josh Beckett & David Ortiz hurt, Manny clearly gone, this years team was so weird and sooooo different. Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, & Jon Lester were the big three this year. The Angels & Rays were better teams really.

Bill Walker already has two YouTube worthy clips and it is only the pre-season!!!!! Posterizing Theo & Fighting T-Mac

No One On The Corner Has Swagga Like These Cool Cats

Too many cool things are happening. I can’t keep up, I’m overwhelmed with cool. I need a solution and I’ve found it. Write more often! I hypocritically called out my blog contributors for not writing enough last time I posted, which was pointed out to me by loyal All-Cool Team reader So Moto. So how can I not write about the Lil Wayne blog, the MLB Playoffs, Amaré Stoudemire, The Hills & Entourage, Fernando Torres and the cool new running backs in the NFL? I got to! Unfortunately, this post can’t be four million words long so I will have to somewhat quickly comment on the coolest shit happening as of late. And for now I sort of promise to write more often because I probably should, on to the cool…
First off, what are you wearing and put your sunglasses back on. ESPN The Magazine was doing a feature on what songs baseball players come up to the plate to and with “Lollipop” being one of the most popular songs, ESPN asked Lil Weezy for his thoughts. Weezy talked about how “Lollipop” was a stadium song and how cool it is to hear it in a MLB stadium. During the same interview, supposedly he asked ESPN if he could write a blog for them and they said “YES!” quicker than Lamar Odom did when asked to be in that Linkin Park & Busta Rhymes music video. It’s a brilliant idea, the most popular rapper in the whole world writing a sports blog even though everyone thinks he is high and/or drunk at all times of the day. Imagine what the drafts that he sends into ESPN look like? I really want to read them so bad. Anyways, the version we get to read is still terrific as Weezy claims the only thing he watches on his 60+ televisions in his studio is sports, even tennis and the NHL. He, like myself, loves every cool player in sports – Manny Ramirez, Rafael Nadal, Sidney Crosby – but makes up some bullshit reason why he likes them not just that they are really cool. On the music side, in the words of former contributor Kael Kristof, T.I.’s Paper Trail is three million times better than Tha Carter III. I probably wouldn’t go that far as I listened to Tha Carter III far too much this summer, but nonetheless Paper Trail is so sick bro! If you follow my status updates you know I think very highly of his song with Usher “My Life Your Entertainment” and see it as comparable to “Love In This Club” and expect it to be played at every spring semester party ever, Kael’s room or Dom’s Lounge. The only complaint I have about the album, as everyone in the world probably does, is how can you make a song that samples “Paper Planes” with Kanye, Wayne, & Jay-Z on it, and have the product be the most annoying song ever?!? Swagga on a hundred, thousand, trillion!!! See you in Glasgow Kanye!
The NFL season isn’t quite going how I pictured it. Not enough Randy Moss touchdown celebrations, not enough Ocho Cinco, and too much Kerry Collins & Gus Frerotte. Although this season is so weird, it has produced many new cool players dominating the league. Fuck Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer & LT (not that any of the three were ever cool, maybe LT was when he went to TCU because he went to TCU and a Horn Frog was his mascot), it’s now all about Brandon Marshall, Adrian Peterson & Aaron Rodgers. Cool powder blue LT jersey Trygg, he is only every Patriots fan least favorite player! Aaron Rodgers, Jay Cutler & Eli Manning are the best quarterbacks in the league, maybe Phillip Rivers & Romo too, but I absolutely hate him forever along with every Charger. Brandon Marshall is the coolest receiver ever, he catches 15 balls every game for 150+ yards, got ticketed for an illegal lane change & got suspended, what’s not to like? Ronnie Brown even though he comically single-handedly destroyed the Patriots at Gillette is so much better and cooler than LT now. The Dolphins ran the option in the NFL and it worked perfectly, too bad CP10 is still the Dolphins quarterback and Greg Camarillo is their best receiver or they actually would be really good. I also love Reggie Bush, Marshawn Lynch’s gold teeth and… Adrian Peterson, who is the best-dressed NFL player off the field and he rocks his fresh purple knee-high socks with the calf-high white ones over them on the field, better than anyone on his team. He is really strong, he has a great barber and he beat his Dad’s friends in footraces when he was 8 years old. And he is kind of good at running the football too even though Gus Frerotte, his QB, has to throw it to Sidney Rice & Bernard Berrian.
The NBA Season is rapidly approaching and don’t worry the 2008-2009 All-Cool Team roster will be unveiled soon. One thing is for certain, the captain of last year’s squad, Amaré Stoudemire, will absolutely for sure 100% no doubt return as captain and starting center. Amaré will rock the Antonio Carr goggles this entire season and possibly for the rest of career because he somehow tore his right iris. Turns out it spilled all over the floor, then Steve Nash slipped on it and Raja Bell threw up, but Leandro Barbosa continued to play on and scored on a break-away with left handed lay up. Before this crazy accident, which never would have happened if Mike D’Antoni was still coach, Amaré appeared on the most random Nickelodeon television show that airs at like 3 AM or something. Here is the best link the NBA has ever seen, courtesy of Louis Frank’s wall posted by Mohammad Ali Qasim, who often posts great links on Biff’s wall, so maybe I should friend MAQ, so I can get some exclusive clips too.
I watch a lot of television shows too. I was once quoted as saying I am happiest when I am watching television while lying down in my bed. Anyways, two of my fav shows – The Hills & Entourage – are having fabulous seasons. There is more drama than ever packed into each episode on The Hills. Spencer fighting Heidi’s entire family, Lauren & Audrina dating every member of Brody’s crew all at the same time and then yelling at them about it, which causes the guys to go crazy and end up in jail for the night. Justin Bobby got a haircut and Lo still only has one friend in the entire world. Whitney is still somehow interested in Lauren’s life reacting with things like “Oh reeeaallllyy…” and saying “Doug? Oh yeah I rememberrr Doug” and “Have you and Audrina talked yet?” Entourage this season started terrifically with Vince having an amazing beard and then there was an entire episode dedicated to eating mushrooms at Joshua Tree. The J-Tree episode was my favorite one ever mainly because E was the best he has ever been and didn’t talk for the entire episode, instead writing things like “my mouth won’t talk” on his notepad. Also Showtime has another good show besides Weeds, and it is Californication. You should watch all of Season 1 soon because Season 2 just started yo!