I sort of want to talk about my thoughts about the NBA draft (four days ago now), but honestly I don't really have that many. I think that other than Blake Griffin's athleticism and sandbag carrying, Steph Curry's jump shot and rapping ability, and James Harden's beard (please don't shave it J.H.!), it's kind of a boring draft class. But that said, this draft does, in my mind, change the coolness dynamics of a number of NBA teams. So with that in mind, here are my personal thoughts on which NBA teams are totally awesome dude and which should be replaced by the '08 UNC Tarheels.
The Coolest of the Cool:
- Orlando Magic: Even if they do lose Hedo, the combination of Dwight Howard, V.C. and Rashard Lewis, added to the coolness with which Stan Van Gundy talked to his team in the Eastern Conference finals while being Mic'd up, makes them awesome. If they had cooler jerseys, like the '95 Magic jerseys, they would rival any team in history in coolness rating.
- Oklahoma City Thunder: No doubts here. James Harden's beard speaks volumes for this team's up-and-coming success. Even if they don't win more than 30-35 games this season, they will impress fans and opposing players with their flat out coolness.
- Philadelphia 76ers: Going back to the retro jerseys. Love it.
- Cleveland Cavaliers: They deserve to be on this list just because of LBJ, especially if he leaves after this year and they become absolutely horrible. Plus they picked up Shaq, who, even though his Kobe raps don't make sense anymore, is still hilarious.
- Memphis Grizzlies: With rookies Hasheem, DeMarre Carroll, and Sam Young, they have by far the coolest and best-shot-faking rookie class.
The Pretty Cool:
- L.A. Lakers: I don't like them, but they did just win a championship, so fine.
- Houston Rockets: Aaron Brooks Baby! Plus, they almost beat the Lakers without their two best players, and Ron Ron is pretty fucking awesome too. Additionally, they picked up Chase Budinger who is ugly but has a 44 inch vertical, and what do you know, he got drafted #44. Coincidence?
- New Jersey Nets: Brook Lopez has the coolest voice in the NBA, and Jay-Z is their owner. Yeah, he used to ball like that, and now he owns a ball team, holla back, so they're pretty cool.
- Portland Trailblazers: With Brandon Roy becoming one of the best players in the NBA, a very young line-up that was successful this past season, and then picking up Jeff Pendergraph from ASU, a guy who is not that good but somehow dunks on everyone he plays against, they're gonna be very good in years to come, so I'm jumping on their bandwagon now. Plus they were smart enough to draft AND TRADE Jon Brockman to stupid Sacramento who apparently likes to have big white centers from Washington on their team, and Patty Mills who lit up the US Olympic team for 20 points off the bench last summer.
- Denver Nuggets: Trading for Billups was brilliant, and with J.R. Smith, Carmelo, and Birdman, plus the addition of Ty Lawson (he won't do much, but he's really cool), they're definitely one of the cooler teams in the league. And Renaldo Balkman's hair makes me smile.
The So-So:
- Golden State Warriors: I am from the Bay Area, but I only say this because of Steph Curry's overall coolness. That puts the Dub's back on the map in my opinion.
- Atlanta Hawks: Same team as last year: they're still athletic and cool, but they will lose in the first round no matter what.
- New Orleans Hornets: A few years ago they were at the top of the chart, but they've slipped. That said, the fact that Tyson Chandler can score more than 10 points a game makes Chris Paul a great point guard, and he's a beast too - well, they both are - so they are still on the coolness radar.
- Chicago Bulls: I don't know why, really, they're kind of just there, but they're pretty good I guess. They might be higher if they traded Joaqim Noah.
- Boston Celtics: They should probably be higher, and obviously they're really good, but there's too much controversy in Boston about trades and whatnot for them to be cool. Plus, this is kind of about the draft, and who the hell is Lester Hudson?
The Not-So Cool:
- L.A. Clippers: Even with Blake Griffin, they won't win more than 20 games, and between Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, and Zach Randolph, they have about 1 healthy and talented center, combined.
- Minnesota Timberwolves: Cool draft class, and Jonny Flynn is cool and dunks on people, but even so, they have a way to go.
- Phoenix Suns: A'm'a'r'e' is going to leave, and they won't make the playoffs again. Also, they drafted Taylor Griffin for some unknown reason.
- Detroit Pistons: Old. Rasheed is their one saving grace.
- San Antonio Spurs: Older.
- Miami Heat: Any team that has Shawn Marion can't be that cool to me, even with Dwayne Wade.
- Dallas Mavericks: Since they fell apart and lost to the Warriors a few years ago, then they lost Devin Harris, they have been garbage and un-cool.
- Utah Jazz: Deron Williams is awesome, and Eric Maynor ALMOST became the only person I can think of to hit two game winners in consecutive NCAA tourneys, so those two are cool, but I hate any team with Matt Harpring.
- Charlotte Bobcats: They actually almost made it one level higher, but I hate their jerseys, and I really just don't think they're very cool overall. No real reason I guess, but that's how it goes.
The Extremely Un-Cool:
- Indiana Pacers: Tyler Hansbrough at #13??? Why??
- New York Knicks: They're just terrible, and Jordan Hill isn't exactly what they needed.
- Sacramento Kings: Even with Tyreke Evans, they're just too bad to be anywhere but the bottom of this list. And, as I said before, they traded for Jon Brockman.
- Washington Wizards, Toronto Raptors: Who cares?
- Milwaukee Bucks: Now that they've drafted over-hyped, over-cocky Brandon Jennings, I can name exactly one player on their roster.
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